When you wake up with your ol’ nose holes filled to the brim with thick, slow-moving night-phlegm, there’s only one solution. That’s right. Get up, stumble to the shower, and let’s get down to business.
First, that hot steam needs to get the job started. Those tiny flying water molecules are like miniature chisels, floating right on up your nose and hammering away at the Wall of Salty Nose Gel blocking your air passages.
At the same time those flying chisels are working their magic, another old friend shows up just in time to lend a hand as well. Our old pal gravity. Just standing up lets the night-phlegm know you mean business, and that you’ll employ the use of any weapon necessary to get those air passages cleared up for the long day ahead.
So now you’re in the shower. You’re totally soaked at this point — front and back got a rinse at least, maybe a tummy wash in there — and everything sure is all hot and steamy, nice and thick like a blanket of fog.
At this point you should feel a bit of a tickle high inside your nose, as the wall slowly starts to give away. Now is not the time for complacency. “Oh, I’ll just let gravity and steam finish what they started,” is what you should not say. No, now is the time to attack!
There are three steps to pull it off:
- Place your thumb right on the outside of one of your nostrils — preferably the one which is getting the better airflow at the moment. By doing this you essentially drop a massive two-by-four across your airway’s emergency exit door. Now there is no way for that air to get out of your lungs, except for your other nostril. And your mouth, of course.
- Close your mouth.
- NOW BLOW AS HARD AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!! EYES CLOSED, CHIN DOWN, BLOW, BLOW, BLOW!!! PUSH, THERE YOU GO, KEEP PUSHING OUT!!! LONG, HARD PUSH!!! PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!!! ANNNNNNNND… you’re done.
…
…
… So, how was it? Did it do the job? If not, you probably still feel clogged up. You’re out of breath, tired, and frustrated. But I hope that didn’t happen to you. I hope you broke the translucent nosespit dam wall right on down. I hope you blew that clear, slick membrane of headglue away. If you did the job right, your hand should now look like you just squeezed the life out of a baby jellyfish. And if does, I want to give you my sincere congratulations. Because you, my friend, are incredibly
AWESOME!
48 Comments
July 7, 2008 at 9:27 am
So NOT awesome :(
July 7, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Barf.
July 8, 2008 at 1:53 am
this is probably my number 2, after peeing in the shower.
May 28, 2009 at 12:14 pm
That’s gross, lol
September 13, 2009 at 4:13 am
come on, we all do it! save the environment!
November 30, 2009 at 2:44 am
I know I do.
December 17, 2009 at 3:38 am
I do this all the time. It’s great stuff. Hahaha. And if you deny it…then you’re lying.
July 9, 2008 at 3:44 pm
When you get a really big one of your system; one that took ages to get out and was really starting to causing breathing problems – I like to imagine that that must be what giving birth is like.
September 9, 2009 at 7:54 am
It’s even better than birth-giving. It’s like a death-giving, to the Great Wall of Mucus.
July 9, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I heard my roommate Jake do it all the time.
July 16, 2008 at 9:40 am
Every damn day!!
July 18, 2008 at 3:48 pm
and now I am gagging at work.
Awesome.
July 18, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Seresecros, my thoughts exactly.
I often think this task is the most similar feat a man can pull of that is comparable to giving birth.
Think about it. A large baby comes out of a woman’s small vagina at a rapid pace.
A large wad of mucus comes out of a man’s small nostril at a rapid pace.
Pretty similar, no?
December 13, 2009 at 9:49 am
The feeling of giving birth isn’t satisfying and painless. Have you ever passed a kidney stone? That’s more like it. And I’ve heard even that can’t compare.
August 1, 2008 at 3:45 pm
the thought of this has made me sick. ugh, i hate boogers. why are they green? or sometimes dark green? gross. my friend named jurgen does it everyday in his shower he tells me. there must be , like, 40 tons of boogers in his drain. what if his tub overflows. blame it on the boogers.
June 24, 2009 at 9:56 pm
If boogers aren’t white/clear, it means you’re sick. Uh-oh.
December 21, 2009 at 3:58 pm
when my nose was bleeding, my boogers came out…AND THEY WERE RED!!! AHHHHH!!!!!
August 4, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I thought I was the only one in the world that did this. WHEW! I can’t stand the landscaper in the yard doing it though.
August 28, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Blowing one’s nose while running or biking (or doing any other athletic thing) has the same cache and awesomeness.
September 4, 2008 at 12:02 am
[...] scrapes get washed out. Your tightly wrenched neck gets massaged by the warm water. Your nose gets a good blowing. And you wash all the bits of spider web, campfire ash, and lake algae off your [...]
September 13, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Wow, great tutorial. Like Chis, I am glad I am not the only one!
September 18, 2008 at 1:00 am
After blowing one has to be careful where the snot goes. I’ve done this and then when I’m towelling off I’ve noticed snot in my pubes. Not pleasant.
Still worth it overall, though.
September 30, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Why do I get the feeling that 90% of men agree that this is truly an awesome feeling and 90% of women think this is totally gross?
October 1, 2008 at 12:26 am
wow.
so funny.
i thought i was one of the people who do this.
although it reminds me of a weird story.
i had just gotten pretty sick, and then 2 weeks later, got a bloody nose in my sleep that got infected (or something) it was nasty.
couldn’t breathe out my nose at all.
then finally one day, i was taking a shower, decided to try and blow it out like i had done so many times before, and all of sudden, a giant obstruction between the size of a quarter and a fifty cent piece came out and i caught it right in my hand.
(like i do often to see what came out of me, lol)
when i had noticed how heavy it was, weighing atleast 4-5 grams (seriously) witnessing the blood line on this dark green thick square shaped lob, i dropped it to the ground with a loud thud.
it was so big, i had to use my toe to push it down the drain.
it was the weirdest thing that had ever happened to me.
funny thing is, the same thing happened the next day, with a significantly smaller chunk.
October 15, 2008 at 2:06 pm
That is so funny that same thing happened to me!
October 31, 2008 at 1:57 am
so i guess its pretty gross to admit to doing this all the time and being a girl. whatever, it works!
November 21, 2009 at 3:49 pm
No, I do it too. We have boogers to dangit!
December 8, 2008 at 8:24 pm
i do that all the time it kicks ASS
one time i blew out food chunks though
December 18, 2008 at 4:57 am
You guys are disgusting. I mean peeing is one thing but snot ?why?
December 31, 2008 at 9:26 pm
LDJ, because the steam breaks up the mucus and it is going to be washed away anyways….no one watches you while you are in the shower. Whatever helps you to breathe better!!!
January 7, 2009 at 7:29 pm
Saves ya money on tissues… ohhhh taking a warm shower when your sick is the best… nothing makes it better than a hand full of jelly fish
January 25, 2009 at 10:50 am
I think most people would find it disgusting to blow your nose AND pee in the shower, but truth is, I do it all the time and I am NOT ashamed. Hahahah, well, SHIT, your in the shower, it goes straight down the drain !!
January 27, 2009 at 6:19 pm
I think this could be my absolute favourite thing.
It’s like punishment for a restful sleep; tonnage of nose goo. Then to free yourself of those nose demons. To be truly clean inside and out.
You’re right.
It is awesome.
February 1, 2009 at 6:48 pm
lol!
April 1, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Yuck.
April 14, 2009 at 4:53 pm
As a girl I am proud to say that I do this all the time, especially when I have a cold. When I am wet, I do not want to get tissue residue all over me. No. You prissy ladies are totally missing out (I kid, I kid, it’s gross I know xD)
May 5, 2009 at 10:43 am
Lovely.
This made my day.
May 17, 2009 at 1:31 pm
at least it’s better for the environment, not wasting a tissue
May 26, 2009 at 10:33 am
Haha, i thought i was the only one doing that. AWESOME thing !
June 6, 2009 at 6:03 pm
yes. this IS awesome.
July 28, 2009 at 5:30 am
Snot rockets in flight. Afternoon delight!
September 13, 2009 at 4:13 am
does that guy have a hitler mo?
November 18, 2009 at 3:34 am
you should also try a neti pot. You can get all this goodness in a portable form.
With your head tilted forward & to the side over your sink – you use a small teapot-like device to pour warm salty water up one nostril and it flows gently down & out the other nostril.
Until you get congested and then you’re essentially filling up your sinues with warm saline. Then you can plug the other nostril and do the same as the shower routine only with massive hydraulic power…. it’s awesome… almost addictive.
You can of course over-do it. But it reminded me of going scuba diving in Hawaii with a bit of congestion – and then coming to the surface & having a bung load of saltwater & snot come cracking out when the pressure released in your sinuses….
Nature’s sinusoidal enema…
November 18, 2009 at 6:25 pm
I absolutely hate blowing my nose. I could never do it in the shower. My boyfriend used to do it everytime he showered. If I was in there with him I threw a fit. So gross!
December 17, 2009 at 6:32 pm
FUNNY!!! I do that all the time in the shower!!!
YEAH GO SNOT GO!!!
January 5, 2010 at 3:35 pm
One word………… TISSUE!!!!!!
January 8, 2010 at 2:57 pm
every single day
January 27, 2010 at 6:40 am
I totally do this! hahaha. I’m not alone after all.