#989 Blowing your nose in the shower

Squeeze that nostril

When you wake up with your ol’ nose holes filled to the brim with thick, slow-moving night-phlegm, there’s only one solution. That’s right. Get up, stumble to the shower, and let’s get down to business.

First, that hot steam needs to get the job started. Those tiny flying water molecules are like miniature chisels, floating right on up your nose and hammering away at the Wall of Salty Nose Gel blocking your air passages.

At the same time those flying chisels are working their magic, another old friend shows up just in time to lend a hand as well. Our old pal gravity. Just standing up lets the night-phlegm know you mean business, and that you’ll employ the use of any weapon necessary to get those air passages cleared up for the long day ahead.

So now you’re in the shower. You’re totally soaked at this point — front and back got a rinse at least, maybe a tummy wash in there — and everything sure is all hot and steamy, nice and thick like a blanket of fog.

At this point you should feel a bit of a tickle high inside your nose, as the wall slowly starts to give away. Now is not the time for complacency. “Oh, I’ll just let gravity and steam finish what they started,” is what you should not say. No, now is the time to attack!

There are three steps to pull it off:

  1. Place your thumb right on the outside of one of your nostrils — preferably the one which is getting the better airflow at the moment. By doing this you essentially drop a massive two-by-four across your airway’s emergency exit door. Now there is no way for that air to get out of your lungs, except for your other nostril. And your mouth, of course.
  2. Close your mouth.
  3. NOW BLOW AS HARD AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!! EYES CLOSED, CHIN DOWN, BLOW, BLOW, BLOW!!! PUSH, THERE YOU GO, KEEP PUSHING OUT!!! LONG, HARD PUSH!!! PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!!! ANNNNNNNND… you’re done.

… So, how was it? Did it do the job? If not, you probably still feel clogged up. You’re out of breath, tired, and frustrated. But I hope that didn’t happen to you. I hope you broke the translucent nosespit dam wall right on down. I hope you blew that clear, slick membrane of headglue away. If you did the job right, your hand should now look like you just squeezed the life out of a baby jellyfish. And if does, I want to give you my sincere congratulations. Because you, my friend, are incredibly

AWESOME!

A key ingredient

152 Comments

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152 responses to “#989 Blowing your nose in the shower

  1. Imran

    So NOT awesome :(

  2. blaise

    this is probably my number 2, after peeing in the shower.

  3. When you get a really big one of your system; one that took ages to get out and was really starting to causing breathing problems – I like to imagine that that must be what giving birth is like.

  4. San Carlos

    I heard my roommate Jake do it all the time.

  5. Malware

    Every damn day!!

  6. and now I am gagging at work.

    Awesome.

  7. Tom

    Seresecros, my thoughts exactly.

    I often think this task is the most similar feat a man can pull of that is comparable to giving birth.

    Think about it. A large baby comes out of a woman’s small vagina at a rapid pace.
    A large wad of mucus comes out of a man’s small nostril at a rapid pace.

    Pretty similar, no?

    • A

      The feeling of giving birth isn’t satisfying and painless. Have you ever passed a kidney stone? That’s more like it. And I’ve heard even that can’t compare.

  8. Dutt

    the thought of this has made me sick. ugh, i hate boogers. why are they green? or sometimes dark green? gross. my friend named jurgen does it everyday in his shower he tells me. there must be , like, 40 tons of boogers in his drain. what if his tub overflows. blame it on the boogers.

  9. Chris

    I thought I was the only one in the world that did this. WHEW! I can’t stand the landscaper in the yard doing it though.

  10. Billy

    Blowing one’s nose while running or biking (or doing any other athletic thing) has the same cache and awesomeness.

  11. Pingback: #946 The first shower you take after not showering for a really long time « 1000 Awesome Things

  12. Wow, great tutorial. Like Chis, I am glad I am not the only one!

  13. Joe

    After blowing one has to be careful where the snot goes. I’ve done this and then when I’m towelling off I’ve noticed snot in my pubes. Not pleasant.

    Still worth it overall, though.

    • me

      oh Joe! there’s an order to things, this is meant to be the FIRST thing you do in the shower BEFORE you wash yourself! then any wayward snot is taken care of during the rest of your shower…

  14. JWJ

    Why do I get the feeling that 90% of men agree that this is truly an awesome feeling and 90% of women think this is totally gross?

    • Kay

      Dude, I’m a woman and I agree it’s an awesome feeling…I totally confess to doing it I mean you’re in the shower right? It gets washed down the drain

    • Narissa

      Dude, I’m a woman and I do this all the time (actually, I wondered if I was the only one). I have nasty seasonal allergies and a hot shower in the morning is a great way for me to unplug my nose. It saves at *least* a half box of tissues, and it just feels great.

  15. drew

    wow.
    so funny.
    i thought i was one of the people who do this.

    although it reminds me of a weird story.
    i had just gotten pretty sick, and then 2 weeks later, got a bloody nose in my sleep that got infected (or something) it was nasty.

    couldn’t breathe out my nose at all.
    then finally one day, i was taking a shower, decided to try and blow it out like i had done so many times before, and all of sudden, a giant obstruction between the size of a quarter and a fifty cent piece came out and i caught it right in my hand.
    (like i do often to see what came out of me, lol)

    when i had noticed how heavy it was, weighing atleast 4-5 grams (seriously) witnessing the blood line on this dark green thick square shaped lob, i dropped it to the ground with a loud thud.

    it was so big, i had to use my toe to push it down the drain.

    it was the weirdest thing that had ever happened to me.

    funny thing is, the same thing happened the next day, with a significantly smaller chunk.

    • Mandy

      EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW(butawesome)WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

    • Joseph

      Maybe you should visit your doctor?

  16. That is so funny that same thing happened to me!

  17. hannah

    so i guess its pretty gross to admit to doing this all the time and being a girl. whatever, it works!

  18. random dude

    i do that all the time it kicks ASS

    one time i blew out food chunks though

  19. LDJ

    You guys are disgusting. I mean peeing is one thing but snot ?why?

  20. roxanne

    LDJ, because the steam breaks up the mucus and it is going to be washed away anyways….no one watches you while you are in the shower. Whatever helps you to breathe better!!!

  21. Austin

    Saves ya money on tissues… ohhhh taking a warm shower when your sick is the best… nothing makes it better than a hand full of jelly fish

  22. Courtney

    I think most people would find it disgusting to blow your nose AND pee in the shower, but truth is, I do it all the time and I am NOT ashamed. Hahahah, well, SHIT, your in the shower, it goes straight down the drain !!

  23. Paul

    I think this could be my absolute favourite thing.

    It’s like punishment for a restful sleep; tonnage of nose goo. Then to free yourself of those nose demons. To be truly clean inside and out.

    You’re right.

    It is awesome.

  24. Jenn

    As a girl I am proud to say that I do this all the time, especially when I have a cold. When I am wet, I do not want to get tissue residue all over me. No. You prissy ladies are totally missing out (I kid, I kid, it’s gross I know xD)

  25. Lovely.
    This made my day.

  26. Mary Frances

    at least it’s better for the environment, not wasting a tissue

  27. Haha, i thought i was the only one doing that. AWESOME thing !

  28. kira

    yes. this IS awesome.

  29. Tee

    Snot rockets in flight. Afternoon delight!

  30. does that guy have a hitler mo?

  31. jp42

    you should also try a neti pot. You can get all this goodness in a portable form.

    With your head tilted forward & to the side over your sink – you use a small teapot-like device to pour warm salty water up one nostril and it flows gently down & out the other nostril.

    Until you get congested and then you’re essentially filling up your sinues with warm saline. Then you can plug the other nostril and do the same as the shower routine only with massive hydraulic power…. it’s awesome… almost addictive.

    You can of course over-do it. But it reminded me of going scuba diving in Hawaii with a bit of congestion – and then coming to the surface & having a bung load of saltwater & snot come cracking out when the pressure released in your sinuses….

    Nature’s sinusoidal enema…

  32. Chandra

    I absolutely hate blowing my nose. I could never do it in the shower. My boyfriend used to do it everytime he showered. If I was in there with him I threw a fit. So gross!

  33. FUNNY!!! I do that all the time in the shower!!!

    YEAH GO SNOT GO!!!

  34. Grammie R

    One word………… TISSUE!!!!!!

  35. arden

    every single day

  36. Crabrab

    I totally do this! hahaha. I’m not alone after all.

  37. I just want to say that i am a female who suffers from all year round allergies..When i sleep at night then wake up that is the worst feeling in the world to me. However..once you are in that shower your wet and you cant carry a tissue with you in there..soo this is what i do..When you start to shampoo your hair enjoy every single moment of that!! because the massage will break up any head cold for me..massage that head people..and by this time you will start to feel yourself breathing a bit clearer, feeling more relaxed, and your nose will start to totally drain down your face..now guess what happens? blow blow blow

    and i have to admit i love blowing my nose in the shower, but before i go one last thing i recently figured out that helps me breathe or clear my nose is brushing my teeth with CREST – MINT.. i have noticed that minty things can also make your nose feel as it’s best.

  38. Elaine

    Oh, so gross!!!

  39. Me.

    Step number 3-

    BWAHAHAHAHA!

    That’s what he said!

  40. Stephie

    I am a woman & I think this is AWESOME.
    & you don’t have to waste a tissue, yay green!

  41. kathryn

    this is a necessity for anyone who suffers from sinusitis. It is the only way I survive winter and some spring mornings. It doesn’t sound pleasant but it works.

  42. Beth

    I found this blog and am going back reading some of the first ones.
    This made me actually laugh out loud! It’s the best feeling ever! Ahhhhh…

  43. k

    And I thought my hubby was the only person in the world that did all of the above & MORE! in the shower. And that’s why I shower ALONE! LOL!

  44. Kay

    Im not a giver, just receiver….

  45. Mike

    I was married to a lovely little Persian girl.

    After we were married we’re in the shower and she does this. What a disgusting habit.

    Married 22 years, with all of the good and bad, the sweetest part of being apart from her is not the freedom from her nagging, complaining about why the ocean is so salty or the water is so wet.

    Its never having to hear her blow her nose in her hand.

  46. Jose

    No amount of disgust with what comes out can possibly match that incredible feeling of relief as your ability to breathe is suddenly back at 100%. If you’re squeamish, just close your eyes and rinse it away without looking.

  47. Eddie

    I tried it once and then i got a bloody nose.

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