What’s funnier than hearing a stranger fart in public?
Well sure, it can happen in a bank lineup, hotel lobby, or subway car. It can happen in a restaurant, movie theater, or local bar. But the funniest of all has got to be the Elevator Fart. That’s the king of public farts, for two main reasons:
1. Acoustics. It’s almost always dead silent in an elevator. People usually keep quiet, stare firmly at the front door, and wait for their floor. Any whisper or laugh echos around the box with full force, reverberating loudly for all to hear. So a giant, rippling fart popped out by a bald businessman in a suit holding a briefcase in front of him? That’s like a 21 gun salute.
2. Time. If you’re climbing a highrise, you’re spending maybe a minute or two with these people. It’s you and them, locked together. Hearing a stranger fart on the sidewalk is one thing. Hearing a stranger fart in a tiny, enclosed room is another. Nobody can escape the full experience, from big bang to first whiff to total elevator saturation.
Hearing a stranger fart in public is great partly because of everybody’s reaction. There are really four main types of fart reactions you see:
- Concealed Laughers. These folks purse their lips tightly, pop open their eyes, and try not to laugh. If they’re with friends then the sight of their friend also trying to hold in their laugh can be too much, and they suddenly explode into a full-blown belly laughs.
- The Business Class. Folks in suits often try to pretend that nothing happened. “Nope, everything’s just chipper here, I don’t smell anything at all.” Their only tells might be a very subtle step away from the culprit and a few extra looks at their watch.
- Deep-Sea Divers. These folks try to hold their breath as long as possible. They hear the fart and it’s “Come on lungs, don’t fail me now.” They’re the ones with the chipmunk cheeks who eventually pop and gasp desperately for air when the door opens.
- Innocent Children. Little kids are always the funniest. I once heard a child in an elevator say “Mommy, that man just farted” with a full-on finger point right into the well-dressed ass in front of his face. But hey, I guess if you’re going to fart in a kid’s face, you deserve to be called out.
Yes, hearing a stranger fart in public can be a tiny, hilarious moment in the middle of any day. If you’re the farter, I say be loud and be proud! We’ve all been there, so no need to be embarassed. If you’re in the audience, I say enjoy the hilarious social faux-pas and resulting reaction in the room.
So thank you, strangers farting in public, for adding a great bit of comic relief to the middle of our day.
AWESOME!
Photos from: here, here, and here
52 Comments
August 28, 2008 at 9:24 am
Today’s post, brought to you by the author’s 10 year old nephew, Rusty
August 28, 2008 at 8:59 pm
That is AWESOME…totally made my day.
Bravo!!
November 24, 2009 at 9:23 am
email me about new fart videos
August 28, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Definitely awesome. Thanks!
September 1, 2008 at 2:59 pm
This is the best! LMFAO!
September 1, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Big time agreement with Matt!
My boring day made good.
September 2, 2008 at 9:31 am
Definitly the best post in a while, not that the others weren’t good. This one is just a lot of awesome.
September 2, 2008 at 10:05 pm
My sister was an elementary school teacher. She told me that when she had to fart, she’d quietly fart near a group of unruly boys and then nonchalantly walk away. Once they smelled the fart, they’d start making a big stink (no pun intended) and punching each other and yelling, “Ew!” They had no idea it was my evil sister.
October 16, 2008 at 5:19 am
[...] Than Fiction Saved by fjk4 on Wed 15-10-2008 Feeling blue Saved by Socoolguy on Wed 15-10-2008 #951 Hearing a stranger fart in public Saved by stepnumberfour on Tue 14-10-2008 Conversation with a Mc Cain Fanatic Saved by kichiweb [...]
October 22, 2008 at 8:39 pm
As a paramedic I get to hear people fart almost every day i’m at work. Old man farts, fat lady farts, little kid farts, farts while on a bed pan, farts when rolling over, it never gets old.
November 5, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Im a massage thereapist and its always funny when people just start to relax and out one comes! it is SOOO hard not to laugh!
November 13, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Little kids just say the darnedest things, don’t they? Someone should make a television show based on the topic.
December 2, 2008 at 5:27 pm
WRONG! It’s farts in church that are the best! I actually miss going to church for this reason.
January 30, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Fact: farts are funny. I love this post!
February 1, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I hate when someone does that at a dinner table.
February 3, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I laughed until I about pee’d.
Great comedy!!
February 3, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I got one for you. This is a technique for an extremely crowded place, such as the subway, train station or crowded shopping mall.
Sometimes a well-placed, very long and noisy stinky will guarantee you some much needed elbow room.
This works especially well in New York City or Washington, DC where everyone already looks like they’re smelling shit.
February 8, 2009 at 12:17 am
Oh… Man… Nostalgia GALORE on this one! A story cometh:
Snowboarding in Whistler, BC like 7 years ago with my best friend and his dad, we’re on the gondola (about 4min ride at least) with about 6-8 other people, a nice full gondola. We each take a corner of the gondola (being the first inside) and stake our claim to our respective areas. 30 seconds up the lift, I catch a whif of something, look at my friend, who enjoy these types of releases in public, and I can see the moment he catches the same smell. As I search for the culprit, I see my friend’s dad hiding his face behind his snowboard, face completely red, trying his hardest not to laugh out loud, at which point I HAVE TO hide my face or fear the same exposure… WOW… I was actually laughing hysterically at the time, as I am now retelling the story… hahahahahahahah, oh man…
P.s. Lunch was chili…
July 30, 2010 at 12:09 am
OMG ROFLMAO can’t type…… sooooooo funny
March 21, 2009 at 7:10 pm
the greatest pleasures are most often the simplest
May 10, 2009 at 7:02 pm
[...] If she farts in public. [...]
May 31, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Eat less fatty foods to cut back on gasses. ha
August 4, 2009 at 7:48 pm
My story: My husband and I were on the train coming back from Portland. I went to the restroom and blew my nose very loudly as I have since working dusty harvest jobs in college. I came back to my seat as if nothing had happened, because to me it hadn’t – and two women sitting near the restroom were just dying they were laughing so hard. They kept trying to stop and then re-cracking themselves up in waves the rest of the trip. My husband didn’t tell me until we were in our car that it was because they thought I farted! I’m glad I could make their day!
August 21, 2009 at 8:22 am
Haha, its so funny when someone farts. My friend was sleeping over and we had the two couches together watching movies. I felt dust go into my nose and i had to sneeze. I went, ‘Aaaaaaaaaaa’ ‘aaaaaaaaa’ *fart* instead of achooing my bum farted! We cracked up laughing!..ahaha!
September 1, 2009 at 4:01 am
This is making me cry because I’m laughing so hard. I love, love this post.
October 17, 2009 at 12:22 pm
In Walmart a few weeks ago, someone passed gas in an aisle and did the quick get away….one of the most adorable little toddler girls was riding in a shopping cart, and proceeded to announce to her mother, “Ewwww, Mommy, someone farted!!!” Mom was mortified, and I had to go into another aisle because I was ready to wet my pants laughing…out of the mouths of babes….
October 18, 2009 at 10:38 am
When I was 16 I was invited to my new boyfriend’s house for dinner. The dinner was silent and terrifying. His labrador let rip by the side of the table and everyone ignored it but me. I looked at all the straight faces and started sniggering uncontrollably. I’m in my 50′s now and still laugh when I remember it.
December 27, 2009 at 1:30 am
Once, while shopping in a department store with my EX-boyfriend, he farted beside me just as the salesclerk was coming to help us. Then he walked away and left me in a cloud of fart fumes! She walked up and starting talking and then got a funny look on her face-probably because she could smell HIS fart and thought that it was mine. What a jerk!
:)
January 4, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Gotta love this post. I am going to buy my dad the Nixon 51-30 Chrono! I hope he loves it.
February 23, 2010 at 1:41 pm
omg so funny! i was laughing and then FARTED!! smeeeeeeelly! ewwwww! it smells like cabbage and egg!!!! lol, i just did another one! it smells soooooo bad!!
Happy Farting!!
March 2, 2010 at 9:29 pm
[...] like hearing a stranger fart in public or the first shower you take after being away on a camping trip and not really being able to shower [...]
March 5, 2010 at 10:43 am
This is so funny.
March 5, 2010 at 1:37 pm
The best public fart, in my experience, was produced by my son at church one Sunday. He was only 3 mos old at the time. He let a really loud and juicy one rip during the sermon. Several people turned and glared at me – like I made him do it. LOL!!
The look on my son’s face was priceless – he was definetly relieved. Happy even.
March 5, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Love the pic at the top of this post :)
March 9, 2010 at 11:34 pm
Well, I can’t relate because I’ve never done it, ever.
But, my high school girlfriend used to do the old “toot and scoot” when in a public place.
You forgot to mention the absolute worst place to do it: In Yoga Class. Happens too often. Not cute.
Just the word “fart” makes me uncomfortable – even thinking about it. It’s un-ladylike!
But, thought that by joining in the conversation I’d maybe get over that.
March 14, 2010 at 10:35 am
Nice pic with Mr. Bush.
March 15, 2010 at 3:43 am
Hilarious! Can’t stop crying…soooo funny!It reminds me of the time when one of mine slipped out and my daughter said”Dad…Mom farted and it smells! In which he replied,”You mean they don’t smell like roses anymore?……Thanks dad!………….Got2luvem…………Thanks for letting me comment!
April 21, 2010 at 8:05 pm
OMG! LMAO so hard I can’t see through the tears and it’s getting hard to breathe…..loving everyone’s fart stories too…..how many times has this happened to people and you were left sucking someone’s fart fumes? ! Ok my face hurts from laughing so much now….Thank you so much ;-) awesome post!
April 24, 2010 at 2:04 am
OMG LoL funny…tears rolling down my face !!!
May 4, 2010 at 10:55 am
i was having a bad day until I read this post. :)
so AWESOME! :D
May 10, 2010 at 8:39 pm
LMAO!!! OMG, I’m laughing so hard, tears are streaming down my cheeks and I can’t breathe! I can’t even see what I’m reading anymore!! LMAO!!! I need a tissue!! My son keeps asking me what’s so funny! I’m laughing so hard I can’t even talk!! AWESOME!! Thanks so much for giving me the best laugh I’ve had in a LONG time!!
OK, here’s my story…I had just finished doing the laundry and was putting my son’s shirts away. I had to fart, and since he wasn’t in the room at the time, I let one rip. It wasn’t particularly loud, but it was long. He came in a few minutes later and started to ask me something. He said, “Hey Mommy, can I…what’s that smell?” Of course I played dumb and said I didn’t smell anything!
May 18, 2010 at 2:18 am
I’m still learning from you, as I’m trying to achieve my goals. I definitely love reading all that is posted on your site.Keep the aarticles coming. I enjoyed it!
May 30, 2010 at 1:06 am
I burst into laughter at the Innocent Children and thank you for making me laugh, after the Suns lost against the Lakers.
June 2, 2010 at 10:34 pm
My teacher read this in the mittle of class, with no warning, and my friends and I could not stop laughing the rest of the day! It was great! Thanks for making me and my friend’s day! :D
July 15, 2010 at 2:16 pm
I was at Target not to long ago and this old man who thought he was alone in the aisle across from me let out the loudest longest fart I have ever heard! He was just walking along farting like it was no big deal. I laughed so hard I was in tears! Farts are hilarious!
July 15, 2010 at 3:01 pm
While working as a bank teller I felt a sneeze coming on. I stopped counting cash to my customer and turned to the side so I would not sneeze in his face. Well, I saved him from flying snot but ripped a loud fart in his direction instead! I quickly turned back to face him, avoided eye contact, and counted money faster than ever before. He said not one word nor did I as he quickly walked away from my window. I excused myself to the back room so I could LMAO!!!!
July 16, 2010 at 10:00 am
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August 4, 2010 at 11:56 pm
i’ve only heard an old lady fart but it only made me think about how that might be me in the future. old and not able to hold my farts in :(
August 23, 2010 at 7:40 pm
A friend of mine told me that while he was in college ,he and a couple other guys used to go to a crowded bar ,and one of the guys would go up to the bar and let one go.The stench was so bad several people jumped off their stools and vacated the area ,much to the delight of the guys who took their seats.True story.
August 28, 2010 at 1:20 am
I remember a few years back, I was watching TV one night, and my cat, Shania, (who passed away last June, after a battle with fluid buildup around her lungs) was curled up on my lap. All of a sudden, she let one of those silent-but-deadly farts! I nearly gagged! I let Shania stay on my lap, but I had to hold my nose until the air cleared. Shania was a sweet little kitty though. I really miss her. Rest in peace, Shania.
August 28, 2010 at 11:01 am
Animal farts are the worst! My sister had just gotten a kitten who was only about 10 weeks old. She is the sweetest lap cat ever. My sister and I were in the living room and the kitten – who is named Lady – was sitting in my sister’s lap. All of a sudden, my sister started coughing and gagging. I asked her what was wrong and she said that Lady had just farted one of those silent but deadly farts and it was rank! All of a sudden, I get a whiff. Yikes! Who knew something so powerful could come from such a little body?
August 28, 2010 at 6:49 pm
As for animal farts, have you ever been on a horse that was the second or farther back in line when the one in front farted?