What’s funnier than hearing a stranger fart in public?
Well sure, it can happen in a bank lineup, hotel lobby, or subway car. It can happen in a restaurant, movie theater, or local bar. But the funniest of all has got to be the Elevator Fart. That’s the king of public farts, for two main reasons:
1. Acoustics. It’s almost always dead silent in an elevator. People usually keep quiet, stare firmly at the front door, and wait for their floor. Any whisper or laugh echos around the box with full force, reverberating loudly for all to hear. So a giant, rippling fart popped out by a bald businessman in a suit holding a briefcase in front of him? That’s like a 21 gun salute.
2. Time. If you’re climbing a highrise, you’re spending maybe a minute or two with these people. It’s you and them, locked together. Hearing a stranger fart on the sidewalk is one thing. Hearing a stranger fart in a tiny, enclosed room is another. Nobody can escape the full experience, from big bang to first whiff to total elevator saturation.
Hearing a stranger fart in public is great partly because of everybody’s reaction. There are really four main types of fart reactions you see:
- Concealed Laughers. These folks purse their lips tightly, pop open their eyes, and try not to laugh. If they’re with friends then the sight of their friend also trying to hold in their laugh can be too much, and they suddenly explode into a full-blown belly laughs.
- The Business Class. Folks in suits often try to pretend that nothing happened. “Nope, everything’s just chipper here, I don’t smell anything at all.” Their only tells might be a very subtle step away from the culprit and a few extra looks at their watch.
- Deep-Sea Divers. These folks try to hold their breath as long as possible. They hear the fart and it’s “Come on lungs, don’t fail me now.” They’re the ones with the chipmunk cheeks who eventually pop and gasp desperately for air when the door opens.
- Innocent Children. Little kids are always the funniest. I once heard a child in an elevator say “Mommy, that man just farted” with a full-on finger point right into the well-dressed ass in front of his face. But hey, I guess if you’re going to fart in a kid’s face, you deserve to be called out.
Yes, hearing a stranger fart in public can be a tiny, hilarious moment in the middle of any day. If you’re the farter, I say be loud and be proud! We’ve all been there, so no need to be embarassed. If you’re in the audience, I say enjoy the hilarious social faux-pas and resulting reaction in the room.
So thank you, strangers farting in public, for adding a great bit of comic relief to the middle of our day.
AWESOME!
28 Comments
August 28, 2008 at 9:24 am
Today’s post, brought to you by the author’s 10 year old nephew, Rusty
August 28, 2008 at 8:59 pm
That is AWESOME…totally made my day.
Bravo!!
November 24, 2009 at 9:23 am
email me about new fart videos
August 28, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Definitely awesome. Thanks!
September 1, 2008 at 2:59 pm
This is the best! LMFAO!
September 1, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Big time agreement with Matt!
My boring day made good.
September 2, 2008 at 9:31 am
Definitly the best post in a while, not that the others weren’t good. This one is just a lot of awesome.
September 2, 2008 at 10:05 pm
My sister was an elementary school teacher. She told me that when she had to fart, she’d quietly fart near a group of unruly boys and then nonchalantly walk away. Once they smelled the fart, they’d start making a big stink (no pun intended) and punching each other and yelling, “Ew!” They had no idea it was my evil sister.
October 16, 2008 at 5:19 am
[...] Than Fiction Saved by fjk4 on Wed 15-10-2008 Feeling blue Saved by Socoolguy on Wed 15-10-2008 #951 Hearing a stranger fart in public Saved by stepnumberfour on Tue 14-10-2008 Conversation with a Mc Cain Fanatic Saved by kichiweb [...]
October 22, 2008 at 8:39 pm
As a paramedic I get to hear people fart almost every day i’m at work. Old man farts, fat lady farts, little kid farts, farts while on a bed pan, farts when rolling over, it never gets old.
November 5, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Im a massage thereapist and its always funny when people just start to relax and out one comes! it is SOOO hard not to laugh!
November 13, 2008 at 7:43 pm
Little kids just say the darnedest things, don’t they? Someone should make a television show based on the topic.
December 2, 2008 at 5:27 pm
WRONG! It’s farts in church that are the best! I actually miss going to church for this reason.
January 30, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Fact: farts are funny. I love this post!
February 1, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I hate when someone does that at a dinner table.
February 3, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I laughed until I about pee’d.
Great comedy!!
February 3, 2009 at 4:01 pm
I got one for you. This is a technique for an extremely crowded place, such as the subway, train station or crowded shopping mall.
Sometimes a well-placed, very long and noisy stinky will guarantee you some much needed elbow room.
This works especially well in New York City or Washington, DC where everyone already looks like they’re smelling shit.
February 8, 2009 at 12:17 am
Oh… Man… Nostalgia GALORE on this one! A story cometh:
Snowboarding in Whistler, BC like 7 years ago with my best friend and his dad, we’re on the gondola (about 4min ride at least) with about 6-8 other people, a nice full gondola. We each take a corner of the gondola (being the first inside) and stake our claim to our respective areas. 30 seconds up the lift, I catch a whif of something, look at my friend, who enjoy these types of releases in public, and I can see the moment he catches the same smell. As I search for the culprit, I see my friend’s dad hiding his face behind his snowboard, face completely red, trying his hardest not to laugh out loud, at which point I HAVE TO hide my face or fear the same exposure… WOW… I was actually laughing hysterically at the time, as I am now retelling the story… hahahahahahahah, oh man…
P.s. Lunch was chili…
March 21, 2009 at 7:10 pm
the greatest pleasures are most often the simplest
May 10, 2009 at 7:02 pm
[...] If she farts in public. [...]
May 31, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Eat less fatty foods to cut back on gasses. ha
August 4, 2009 at 7:48 pm
My story: My husband and I were on the train coming back from Portland. I went to the restroom and blew my nose very loudly as I have since working dusty harvest jobs in college. I came back to my seat as if nothing had happened, because to me it hadn’t – and two women sitting near the restroom were just dying they were laughing so hard. They kept trying to stop and then re-cracking themselves up in waves the rest of the trip. My husband didn’t tell me until we were in our car that it was because they thought I farted! I’m glad I could make their day!
August 21, 2009 at 8:22 am
Haha, its so funny when someone farts. My friend was sleeping over and we had the two couches together watching movies. I felt dust go into my nose and i had to sneeze. I went, ‘Aaaaaaaaaaa’ ‘aaaaaaaaa’ *fart* instead of achooing my bum farted! We cracked up laughing!..ahaha!
September 1, 2009 at 4:01 am
This is making me cry because I’m laughing so hard. I love, love this post.
October 17, 2009 at 12:22 pm
In Walmart a few weeks ago, someone passed gas in an aisle and did the quick get away….one of the most adorable little toddler girls was riding in a shopping cart, and proceeded to announce to her mother, “Ewwww, Mommy, someone farted!!!” Mom was mortified, and I had to go into another aisle because I was ready to wet my pants laughing…out of the mouths of babes….
October 18, 2009 at 10:38 am
When I was 16 I was invited to my new boyfriend’s house for dinner. The dinner was silent and terrifying. His labrador let rip by the side of the table and everyone ignored it but me. I looked at all the straight faces and started sniggering uncontrollably. I’m in my 50’s now and still laugh when I remember it.
December 27, 2009 at 1:30 am
Once, while shopping in a department store with my EX-boyfriend, he farted beside me just as the salesclerk was coming to help us. Then he walked away and left me in a cloud of fart fumes! She walked up and starting talking and then got a funny look on her face-probably because she could smell HIS fart and thought that it was mine. What a jerk!
:)
January 4, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Gotta love this post. I am going to buy my dad the Nixon 51-30 Chrono! I hope he loves it.