#943 Using Q-Tips the way you’re not supposed to use them

Yes, I’m talking about rubbing and twisting that cottony Q-Tip tip right on up inside your ear canal. Yeah, get it deep in there, where it doesn’t belong, because it’s like an amazing, satisfying inner-ear massage.

Also, the more dark, waxy, and disgusting the Q-Tip is when you’re done, the more satisfying it is, am I right? Because then on top of the inner-ear massage you get a killer “Whoa, that just came out of me…” high, too. For those keeping track at home, that’s two highs for the price of one. Not a bad deal!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: How could I possibly advocate doing something so terribly dangerous like pushing a hard, pointy object up against your fragile ear drum? I mean, the box itself says right on it “Do not insert swab into ear canal. Entering the ear canal could cause injury.” Plus, the Q-Tips website doesn’t even mention sticking them in your ears. And neither do the pictures on the back of the box! No, all they talk about is how Q-Tips are great for applying makeup, cleaning your camera lens, painting with your kids, and, uh… dog.

Seriously, could someone figure out why the dog’s on there? If you could, that’d be pretty…


In conclusion, you need to be careful when you’re scraping your ear out. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun while you’re at it.


Why is there a dog on there?

Photo from: here

118 thoughts on “#943 Using Q-Tips the way you’re not supposed to use them

  1. Apparently they think it’s awesome to clean and massage Fido’s ear canal with them, (and possibly destroy his eardrum), but want to restrict that joy to the canine family. I’ll have none of it. Hand me my Q-tip. Awesome!

    Jerame Clough
    -Next Gen Politics

    1. I’m pretty sure its for cleaning like the edges of the eyes of the dog…. idk, makes sense to me. I don’t wanna touch that nasty stuff.

    2. Dogs ears are nothing like ours, the build up is far away from the ear drum and CAN be cleaned safely with a Q-tip

    1. LOL! I totally agree!!! And it does feel like some sort of small victory when I get that orangey-tannish goop on the end…and then insert another q-tip until they come out as clean as when they went in……like I’m officially “cleansed”.

      True Story: An old very dear friend of mine ADORED this guy she was dating….until she sat next to him at an angle where she could stare right INTO his ear canal….and see I guess what was a serious lack of q-tip usage….haahahaha. Anyway, she was SOOOO turned off by this, that she practically threatened to stop seeing him unless he cleaned his ears! Even AFTER I told her that you’re NOT supposed to put anything “smaller than your elbow” into you ear! Just thought I’d share.

      1. And for the record, YES, I realize that what I told her made me a total hypocrite….lmao…..BUT I was just trying to help the guy out! He was a great guy and she was being just plain silly! :)

  2. It sure beats using that ridiculous spray stuff. I think they use the acidic tears of the Children of the Corn to make that particular form of ear-canal cleaner.

    PS. Love this Blog! best thing to happen to teh intawebz ev0r

  3. You poke them in the dogs rear to get them to defecate on command. Pretty much everyone at a dog show uses them so the dog doesn’t make a mess when it’s doing whatever stupid tricks it’s supposed to.

        1. i don’t have a dog…=[……*gasp* but i do have….an older brother! yes! haha just playing that’s weird..

  4. I had a golden retriever, and we would use a solution of half vinegar, half rubbing alcohol applied to a q-tip to clean her ears.

    Obviously you’re not digging in there deep – and yes, it was recommended by our vet.

  5. ahhhh…i did it just this morning …its my dirty little secret how often i grab the the Qtip and just go for it!!..
    but srsly… am the only one for whom it stimulates a weird gag reflex?? if i go to far… i risk throwing up …TMI??? i know yikes… sorrry!!

    1. hahaha i dunno about a gag reflex, but if i got too far in my left ear, it does give me an odd sensation on the left side of my face and in the left side of my mouth and down the left side of my throat. and my face involuntarily curls up into a very odd expression

          1. That would be because the ear is honestly connected to your nose/mouth… so in reality, it is… technically…. possible to blow smoke out your ears. I have actually seen someone blow milk out their ears… it was quite disturbing :/

  6. That is totally funny and true. Love the ear massage. And it IS more satisfying when your pull out a glob versus a hint of wax, which feels like a gyp. You really have to wait a good week and a half between excursions if you hope to find decent treasure.

    FYI: Q-tips are also good for cleaning out the hard to clean valves that come in sippy cups.

    And i didn’t know about the dog poo though. That’s just gross.

    1. Yes, I started a list of most orgasmic things, other than sex… a good ear swabbing is at the top of the list, along with that morning stretch and emptying an extremely full bladder XD

  7. Ever watch Better Off Dead? It’s an older John Cusack movie, and there’s a great scene where he puts Q-tips in his nose, ears, mouth… then blow-dries his socks (cause he took a shower with them on, of course!) and signs badly. It is an awesomely inappropriate use of Q-tips!

      1. Yeah, this post may be too old to be active, but I also get a gag reflex by using q-tips on my left ear. But not my right… However as a youth I did have several surgeries on the left ear.. So, usually cleaning that one due to excess ear wax.

  8. I don’t gag easy but I definitely feel a stimulation that makes me understand how others could. And it’s definitely close to as good as sex, too.

  9. For extra points and a wonderful feeling with the ear massage, try running the Q-tip under warm to moderately hot water first. It feels wonderful. Just one end though, so you can dry with the other.

    1. No back in the rockin’ 80’s they’d jam one down down your pecker like they were tryin’ to pop a zit on one her tadpoles frickin’ head…they use to do this to get a swab to test for clamydia(did i spell that right?) they don’t that anymore i don’t think, tragic really. Here’s another great disease related story…Back in the day was gettin’ a really squirelly sack, turned out i had crabs, and the day i was at the doctor is was a practical lesson day for student doctors, well nice, i got to show my infested nutbucket to a whole class of young student doctor’s to be…a little emberassing, but slightly pleasurable…who want to sleep with me now…ha ha ha

  10. A great way to massage your ear canal. Helps keep the wax at a manageble level – keeps the potatoes from growing like Mom use to tell you when you were a kid!!!!!

  11. Actually, in my family, nobody even calls them Q-Tips or cotton swabs. They’re either nosepickers or earpickers.
    In fact, if you asked any of us to get you a Q-Tip or Cotton Swab, it would take us a second to figure out just what you mean.

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  13. im betting big money that everyone who read this got up and grabbed a QTip, or at least had the urge too… i know i did… no ear boogers this time though :(

  14. Well, I’m suffering from an ear infection right now!! And although I’m getting the urge for a little qtip massage – I’m resisting. However, I know I’ll be back in there as soon as it heals.

    Just a few more days of chewing on vitC

  15. YES! i love this feeling, it’s so satisfying, I’m OCD when it comes to the cleanliness of ears and I do this everyday . BTW, congratulations on your Webby award.:)

  16. Something like a dog’s ear canal makes a 90 degree turn before the end, so as long as you keep the Q-tip perpendicular to a dog’s head, you’ll be fine.

    A friend taught me that Q-tip + peroxide in ear, when done at a certain point at the beginning of a cold, will cure the cold. Peroxide will run down eustachian tubes & crackling like Rice Krispies sound means it’s killing the bad gunk. Works, but kind of hard to get it right.

  17. And when you’re massaging your inner ear, you get that tingly feeling in the back of your throat. Ah. So good.

  18. brb cleaning my ears

    I actually got a buildup of ear wax in my ears from using Q-Tips. It was totally worth it and I would do it again. Not only does it feel AWESOME to give myself an inner ear massage, the whole getting my ears flushed out was awesome too.

  19. My favorite thing about them was that you could naver just buy a few. You had to get a giant 400-500 pack of them and they always seemed endless.

  20. I really prefer a oversized bobby pin, it just scrapes out everything and since the head is so small, i know i am not pushing that much ear wax in. But yes, it is uber-satisfying.

  21. haha. I loved this one because yea, you’re right this is an awesome feeling…
    I have a friend who calls it an ear-gasm…haha!

    : )

  22. Earwax is actually something the body makes to protect the ears from dust or insects or anything else getting in. So, it’s good to clean once in a while, but not too much…

    And yes, it does feel good. ^.^

  23. About a year ago, my hearing was really bad. I fashioned a device to clean my ears because it was just painful. I got large size chunks of dark wax out of my ears, now I do it every couple of months.

    I just did it tonight and it is disgusting, the amount and size that came out. I wanted to be sick and I was oddly facsinated at the same time.

  24. Are you serious? I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to use them to clean your ears or stick them in your ear canal. I thought that’s what they were for!

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