#883 Ugly actors

Neil Pasricha

Props to ugly actors.

These wrinkly, crinkly stars of the screen made it up through a system that values looks and beauty and they did it on raw talent alone. Yes, ugly actors shine bright as a beacon of hope to any of us with bushy eyebrows, gap teeth, or big, crooked noses. They show us the power of doing what you love, even if the system says you don’t qualify. So let’s recognize some of the best of the best:

In his defense, no one's armpits look that great

#12 John C. Reilly. It’s refreshing is to see that belly pudge and ungroomed armpit hair. You keep your tabloid cover shots of David Beckham running shirtless on the beach with a perfect six-pack. We’ll keep John C. Reilly and his silent approval of our sagging man-boobs and copious love handles.

A face only Hermione could love#11 Rupert Grint aka Ron Weasley. Rupert makes us all feel a bit better about that awkward elementary school picture in the back of the closet.

Morpheus without the cape and guns#10 Laurence Fishburne. If you’re like me, and you’re stuck with gap teeth because you never got braces, then you look up to Laurence Fishburne. Because who says you have to have perfect teeth, anyway?

Possibly Mr. Perfect's mother#9 Rhea Perlman. Kudos to Rhea Perlman for bringing bad hair days out of the closet. Next time you feel ugly because your hair gets frizzy, you’re hit with some rain hair, or it’s dandruff season and you’re calling for snow, just remember that Rhea Perlman had a bad hair decade. So you’ll be fine.

Benecio, you make us feel normal

#8 Benecio Del Toro. When you wake up sore and groggy at noon on a Saturday with a splitting hangover and big, black bags under your eyes, just look in the mirror and say “This face could win an Academy Award.” Thanks, Benecio.

A face only Rhea Perlman could love

#7 Danny Devito. How many people shave their entire head the moment they start going bald? It’s like they’re saying “What? Who’s going bald? Not me, I’m just suddenly into shaving my head every day, that’s all.” It’s so common that Danny Devito deserves a big high ten for embracing the chrome dome. Also, he is short.

The Beast with a goatee#6 Ron Perlman. Getting cast as Hellboy and The Beast in Beauty and the Beast is a bit of a mixed blessing. On one hand, hey, great gigs. But on the other hand, you’re playing a beast and a giant, red superhero. It’s only slightly worse than playing The Phantom of The Opera, Ugly Betty, Charlize Theron in Monster, or Darth Vader when he takes off his mask. So kudos to Ron for taking on some brave roles. You teach us courage.

Momma#5 Anne Ramsey. Guess there was a reason they threw this momma from the train.

No comment#4 Paris Hilton. Next time you fall asleep in the tanning bed, or take a little nap with your head in a sinkful of Clorox, just relax. Don’t even worry about it. It’s not a big deal.

Bed head at its finest#3 Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Ever grow one of those nasty, shaggy, out of control beards? The kind that gets soup all over it when you’re eating and scratches your girlfriend’s chin when you kiss? The kind that gets you kicked out of convenience stores and frisked a little extra at airport security? Well, Phillip Seymour Hoffman is proof that it is possible to have one of those beards and still be successful. Good on him.

Smile like you mean it#2 Steve Buscemi. What a great, great, great, great actor.

#1 Christopher Walken. The greatest thing about Christopher Walken is that he doesn’t try to gloss things up, No, he just lets the skunk-hawk fly up top and makes no attempt to apologize for wrinkles or spots. We can learn a lot from him.

chris-walkenSeriously though, ugly actors make this world a great place. They remind us that dreaming big can pay off and there is some justice in the world, no matter what you look like. Because let’s face it: most of us are a bit insecure about our bodies. It’s normal to pinch your belly fat, cover up your acne scars, and pluck your unibrow. But ugly actors say “Hey … it’s okay, friend”, because at the end of the day we’re pretty much the same and it doesn’t really matter what you look like.

And for that they are truly

AWESOME!

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37_uglyactors

Photos from: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here

Illustration from: here

176 thoughts to “#883 Ugly actors”

  5. Hilarious — though I must disagree with Christopher Walken. Best head of hair an over the hill actor will ever have.

  6. Whaaaat? Rupert Grint’s cute! And I relly dislike ugly actors, I prefer watching beautiful people in the movies. Yes, I’m superficial.
    Anyway, love this list!

  8. Ron Perlman may not be the prettiest flower in the pot, but oh my God, that man’s voice…!

    That being said, the only thing that got me through Alien Resurrection was lustfully watching his filthy, trigger-happy merc. Heh.

  12. Yes, Willem Defoe needs to be added. What about Clint Howard and Rachel Dratch!? (maybe not so much Rachel as she’s always forced to play ugly people, but if Paris is on the list…)

  13. I completely agree with Lauren. Benicio del Toro is one of my biggest crushes. He has the intense personality that makes you feel like you can just melt in his arms.
    I’d jump at the chance to spend a night with him, scruffy look and all.

  14. You forgot the homosexual who plays the glittery vampire in Twilight…ummm, something Pattinson? His hair constantly looks like he just got out of bed. And he didn’t just get out of bed. A hairstylist works on that look for about 2 hours before he does anything in public or on film. Working really hard to look unkempt is way worse than being naturally ugly.

  17. I guess I have weird taste because I think several of those people are quite good looking. Benecio del Toro, Christopher Walken & Steve Buscemi! But, perhaps it is their acting skills which are most attractive?

  18. Um, hello? What about Sarah Jessica Parker? Even with that hideous growth removed from her chin, she still looks a horse. *neigh*

    Renee Zellweger would also look better with a bag over her head. Her face is always so pinched. You know, those squinty eyes and pursed lips – she looks like she just ate a bushel of lemons.

    As far as the men I’d classify as “ugly,” Paul Giamatti, for sure. Mickey Rourke, too (dear God, what the hell happened to his face?!?). And let’s not forget Dustin Hoffman. Oh, and have you seen Al Pacino lately? A FAR cry from his Godfather days.

  27. Funny thing is…many of those ugly actors are also really damn good actors…Paris Hilton notwithstanding….

  28. Odd thing is…Paris Hilton notwithstanding, there are some damn fine actors on this list.

    (apologies if this is a double post, my browser seized up on the last attempt)

    This comment brought you to by:

    Blog Comment Day 2008

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  30. I fully agree with this list. Paris’ inner-ugliness spoils her outer appearance anyhow. I would like to add:

    Javier Bardem
    Adrien Brody
    Woody Allen
    Sandra Oh
    Dustin Diamond

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  34. I don’t think Paris should be in the news for any reason unless it involves Hilton hotels. It’s ridiculous. Anyway, the list is very interesting, but ugly is just not a nice word.

  35. Paris is Hot. I will watch just about any movie Ron Perlmen is in.

    You should create a new chicks only ugly list. The reason is the PC controversial nature of such a list. Kinda like fat ugly chicks criticizing the Victoria Secret show.

  37. This webpage should be pulled down. These people are not ugly. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is a total stud by the way and his beard is SEXY. So back off. And to Shannon who wants to add Sandra Oh, you must be mistaken, because she is also quite the hottie. Did you see Sideways?

    1. Why on earth would you want a website pulled off just becuase you disagree with a harmless comment about famous people you don’t even know. Get a life!

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    1. Hilarious…but no, for me it’s just where I walk into them! True story and according to son-in-law, likely laughed at on “Walmart shopper’s” site… but not funny, it really hurt!

  45. Christopher Walken used to be absolutely, ethereally beautiful, though, which can’t be said about the rest.

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  50. I and a lot of my friends actually think Rupert Grint is really hot. I think you should have had Daniel Radcliffe on here instead.

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