There are two kinds of chicken wings.
First up, there’s the Baby Drumstick. You know the one. It’s a cute, little baby drumstick dripping in wing sauce. It’s the JPEG attachment you’d expect to see on a “We had a baby!” email sent to you from a couple buckets of KFC. It’s so cute and drippy, too — and look, it has its mom’s stick, its father’s drum.
Then there are the Flat Pats. Think of it this way: if Baby Drumsticks are the thick, meaty bicep wings, then Flat Pats are the forearms. And, like a forearm, they’ve got two bones, which means you have to tear them apart to get at the tasty meat inside. Don’t dismiss Flat Pats, though. Even though they may not have the Baby Drumstick’s sex appeal, they come through in the clutch.
Now, some people prefer Baby Drumsticks. Others go for the Flat Pats. Just like some people like their wing sauce mild, some like medium, and some say “Go suicide or go home.”
But people, that’s where The Perfect Wing Partner comes in. He or she is that special someone who likes the exact same sauce as you but the exact opposite wing type. You like medium? Perfect, so does she. What, you’re a Baby Drumstick kind of guy? Great, she’s into Flat Pats all the way.
Face it: While you two are chowing down and enjoying your sticky, late night bar food together, there’s a good chance you’ll both glance up at the same time, your sauce-soaked chins glimmering under the neon Coors Light sign, and know, right then, right there, that you’ve just met your Perfect Chicken Wing Partner for life.
And when that day comes, my friend, it will so surely be
AWESOME!
24 Comments
January 8, 2009 at 12:09 am
Never really thought of that one.
I’m a Baby Drumstick Guy myself. When one frequents Buffalo Wild Wings, it’s kind of a gamble for two people to choose the same sauce (out of 14), let alone notice if they prefer one cut over the other.
January 8, 2009 at 12:28 am
The thing about baby drumsticks is you can eat them with just one hand, leaving your other hand free to grab the beer glass smudge-free.
As for sauce, I go to the bar known for their hot wings, order the “extra hot” ones, and tell the waitress that I’ll double her tip if I can’t feel my lips at the end of the meal.
January 8, 2009 at 2:13 am
This reminds of the age old argument over McNuggets. Is it that one shape supposed to be a boot or a gun?
January 8, 2009 at 2:15 am
I just love any kind of wing-tipe, I’m go with it, but when it comes to sauce, I SUUUCK because I usually like lemonpepper from wingstop, or garlic parmesan from bWildwINgs, dont usually go for hot sauces if theres a “chick” sauce in the menu
January 8, 2009 at 3:16 am
This one should be number one on my list. Hot wings are my life. I cook about them, talk about them, they are my life. I have yet to find my hot wing partner though, someone who’s fine with just taking the flat pat. So therefore I just order a big plate for myself and don’t share. It hurts in the morning, but it’s worth it if I get all my drumsticks.
January 8, 2009 at 10:16 am
I am totally a Flat Pat wing girl. Anyone need a partner?! I have been reviewing hot wings in New York, Ohio and now Istanbul (although finding none in Istanbul that even get close to making the cut). Ahh I miss good wings…
January 8, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Flat Pat all the way! Luckily my boyfriend is partial to the drumstick. We just can’t agree on sauce so we usually go naked.
January 8, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Tastes like smake
January 8, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Drumstick all the way baby! All the way! (read that using George Costanza’s voice from Seinfeld)
and I married the perfect guy…..he’ll eat whatever I don’t eat.
January 8, 2009 at 10:39 pm
I’d like to nominate Buff’s Pub outside of Boston, Mass., as the purveyor of the finest wing platters this side of the universe.
January 9, 2009 at 5:57 pm
The trick to the Flat Pat is to pop the whole thing in your mouth (vertically), wrap your teeth around it , and sloooowly pull it out. That way, you remove 95% of the meat without having to dig for it.
Unless you’re into that kind of thing.
January 9, 2009 at 6:39 pm
HAaaaaaaaaa… Where do I find that partner? I never thought of it that way. I’m gonna start askin’ people. I hate the drumstick, lurve the flat pats.
I once went all cuckoo because the girl at the counter gave me more drumsticks than flat pats. :(
January 13, 2009 at 1:58 pm
[...] post is Thing #864). 1000 AT is not a culinary weblog but you may ingest entertaining entries on chicken wing wisdom, soup-slurping, bakery air, the milk-to-cereal ratio, and [...]
January 16, 2009 at 2:32 pm
She doesn’t know this but I dumped a girl one time because she was a Drum Stick and I was a Drum Stick. It could never have truly worked. We were constantly grabbing for the same wing it was just madness. I tried to order my wings hotter and hotter hoping she would get her own instead of sharing. No luck thou she was a spice fiend too.
O if only she had a twin sister with a hankering for the 2 bone. I’d be married by now
January 20, 2009 at 4:16 am
I love baby drumsticks.
February 22, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Flat pats. Better meat and digging for it is half the fun. Also I love “burn you lips off and crap fire” hot. Bring it on baby.
March 1, 2009 at 12:55 pm
Mmmmmm… I’m a fan of flat pats fo’sho!
The thing is, I don’t share my wings… nacho’s, maybe, wings, never!
Best sauce = honey garlic AND ____ (insert spiciness here… I prefer medium) tossed together, mmmmm… soooooo good!
And a trick to eating the perfect wing with one hand… Grab by an end with the pincer hold, and as you squeeze hard, push down onto a hard surface (i.e. plate) and the meat just strips off like… like… something delicious…
March 27, 2009 at 1:31 pm
this is amazing.
i’m a flat pat girl, and my fiance is a baby drumsticks man.
the only issue is, i like them as hot as you can make them- and he is a wuss… but we normally just get 2 orders (1 of each) and he deals with some that are hot and i deal with some that are not.
it’s pure poetry, really. and you are right about how awesome it is.
May 6, 2009 at 11:57 am
My BF and I are chicken wing partners and it is great. We used to be brownie partners (I liked the chewy edges, he liked the gooey middle – perfect!) but he’s seen the light and moved to edges…
I won’t lie. There’s some tension.
May 11, 2009 at 12:15 am
My perfect chicken wing partner is my mom. She and I would go out for cheap wing night at the local Brewster’s (pub/restaurant) and order our two favourite flavours. She’d then take all my Baby Drums and I’d take her Flat Pats. It was heaven. Now she’s moved away and I can’t find anyone to replace her. I’ll just have to take her out for wing night when I go to her side of the world to visit. It really was a match made in Heaven.
May 13, 2009 at 6:59 pm
[...] #856: The Perfect Chicken Wing Partner [definitely a fave, SO GOOD] [...]
May 17, 2009 at 10:56 am
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May 17, 2009 at 10:58 am
Oh and you could select the best comments to go with it! I’m totally dreaming here but it would be a perfect pick-me-up / coffee table book, and I would need to show it to all my friends.
May 17, 2009 at 11:00 am
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