#820 Making it out of the bathroom at work before anyone realizes you made it smell that way

bathroomStinking up the can at work is terrible.

Let’s face it: there are no fans to turn on, windows to open, spray cans to spray, or matches to light. No, you’re on your own in this non-anon, dimly lit den of suit-and-tie hellos and on-the-job head nods. Whatever dark cloud you’re releasing in there hangs heavy as you bow your head in front of the mirror and scrub your dirty, dirty hands. Everyone knows what just went down and no one is happy about it.

But that’s why it’s so great when you can scram real quick and get out when the bathroom’s empty and the getting out’s good. Three cheers for the anonymous call of nature.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

45 Comments

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45 responses to “#820 Making it out of the bathroom at work before anyone realizes you made it smell that way

  1. Which is why I will always excuse my self from work to go down to the Petro-Canada, that doubles as a homeless bath house, to take dumps that occur mid day. but maybe that’s just me

  2. It doesn’t have to be at work. It could be…anywhere.

    If I ever am found out, I ususally quote the famous court decision of Smelters v Dealters. It usually works.

  3. Mercifully, my office is small enough to only warrant two toilets, both in separate (large-ish) rooms with fans and whatnot, so not only are dastardly smells not an issue, anonymity is usually preserved (people don’t tend to stand outside waiting if they’re in use). Which is nice.

  4. oh the crimes I have committed in the women’s room of the math building at school.

  5. Ian

    Some of the whiffs in our office toilets are surely violating some sort of environmental health rules.

    I dunno what all the guys in our building are eating but they really need to stop.

  6. Freddo

    jdurley – Are we keeping track still? That’s two days in a row. It’s like Neil spends 85% of his days thinking about (or stinking up) bathrooms.

    Unbelievable!

  7. jdurley

    Ha ha, Freddo! As I was reading it, I was thinking the same thing. Two more notches on the tally sheet.

  8. My grandfather on his death bed whispered to me., “always poop at work.” I have followed his advice.

    Another fine post.

  9. I never used the bathroom at work for #2 because I was afraid I would smell it up. I went in once when a guy was doing #2 and walked back out. Just can’t stay in there when it is going on.

  10. What’s worse than not making it out before someone realizes that you made the stink is not making it out before someone mistakes the stink for something you made, when it was actually the person before you who made the stink.

    • Ll

      Megan, that is so true. I’ll just walk out and find another bathroom somewhere else in the building to avoid that. If it’s a small office, I don’t know what you do. I’m always mad that people can’t either do it before or after work. I’ve waited hours until I get home and just been uncomfortable rather than take a dump at work. Men never seem to care.

  11. Tom

    I see that women are commenting here, which disturbs me.

    I thought women didn’t poop? Or if so, it smelled delectable.

  12. kristin

    I’m usually more concerned about the sound… in a totally silent bathroom, with other people in it?!?! Yuck.

  13. We have a fan, but it doesn’t do much. Sigh … and my office is right next to the bathroom too.

  14. Jen W

    Erin, I love you so much for bringing this ridiculous issue before us, but one I have to face everyday of my life… or at least 5 days of my life :)

  15. Mellow

    LOL!! Too funny! I havent laughed this hard in days.. Keep it up!

  16. Lora

    I just use the men’s washroom and sneak out after. People expect a men’s washroom to be smelly!

  17. Carrie

    I work on the ground floor of a 6 story office building. There are only 4 of us down here (3 guys and me…) I do not understand WHY I have to be stunk ut by every other NASTY woman in the building. They all have bathrooms on their own floors but they insist on hiding out down here to stink up the place. There has got to be some creative way to get them to stop.

  18. Tori

    In regards to public poop it is awesome to win the ‘waiting game’. I don’t know if men play this game but it is a common silent game found in women’s public washrooms around the world. It is born of women refusing to poop within earshot of anyone else…

    You have to poop, you select a stall, you listen carefully to see if you’re alone, you peek across the floor to make sure you’re alone and low and behold you see another pair of feet! So you wait silently, trying to hold it in and remain as silent as possible so you don’t get caught. Perhaps you blow your nose to make it appear that was all you were visiting the bathroom to do or maybe shuffle your feet so they know they are not alone either. But slowly it dawns on you that woman attached to those other feet is also being silent trying not to be caught. So you both wait, painfully holding everything in, trying to out-wait the other one. Eventually you are sure she’s in the game with you and you would think it could be a forgiving and understanding moment for you both to give in. But no. One of you has to give up. Both of you know it. When you hear the door squeek closed behind the other pair of feet and you are finally alone, you know you won this round, and the victory was worth it!

    • Belle

      Tori speaks the Truth. I have played this tiresome, tense and abdomen-aching game many and many a time.

      I also hate it when I’ve had the facilities to myself for a peaceful but odorous session of dropping the kids off at the pool, and while I’m washing my hands someone comes in and HEADS RIGHT INTO MY SMELLY EX-STALL. I always want to apologize but I never do.

  19. kmguay

    This cracks me up! I have two teen boys and we cannot live the orange smelling bathroom spray can. Funny blog

  20. ~Dannie~

    Noises are worse when you KNOW theres other people.

  21. ^

    Ahh yes, the old pretending like you didn’t just take the worst smelling dump of yourlife as someone else waltzes into the restroom and gags..

  22. KNG

    What about when your pretty sure you just need to pee but then it’s accompanied by the air cannons. All noise no smell – but embarrassing non the less. It alwayys makes me giggle, which often results in more farts. Sometimes I can hear other people quietly chuckling in their own stall – which is somewhat pleasing…….

  23. ginger

    People. Be proud. If you feel #2’s are imminent… do what I do: walk to the bathroom at work carrying the day’s newspaper under your arm.

  24. Wes

    I always aim to use the bathroom at work because it is like I am getting paid to poop, now that is AWESOME!

  25. Proud Pooper

    I work for the city in the parks dept. I have to maintain both the mens and womens restrooms. The women have 8 stalls with doors, and it always stinks like stale poop in there. The mens room has 6 bowls (and urinal trough, of course) but the bowls are “latrine style” no partitions between the toilets, It’s a “pass the roll of toilet paper atmosphere” although we always start the day with 6 full rolls. Aside from sitting next to my superviser on ‘hairy moon river” our stinks dissapate rather quickly. Privacy or breathable air? I’ll take the fresh air anytime !!

  26. AwesomeNinja

    Hm…maybe it’s just me and all, but I somehow always manage to walk into the washroom…and find someone coming out, with a suspicious plume of, well, scent trailing after them.

  27. wendywithaurora

    Another reason I relished the years I worked with children, alls you hear is,
    “Good girl!”

  28. wendywithaurora

    Or better yet the “granola child” who says, “Come and see mine everybody, it’s the perfect S, snake shape! This is what a healthy poop looks like!”

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  30. LoLo

    I have something similiar to IBS, so I always am pooping at work. Literally like three or four times a day on average. I play the same “hold it till I burst” game, but my major problem is getting out of the bathroom before anyone realizes i clogged the toilet. I am a firm believer in the “Girls never plunge toilets” mantra.

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  32. Amy

    I try to take care of a #2 after getting home from work. I usually can grin and bear it for a few hours if I get the urge in the afternoon, but it can get really uncomfortable and sometimes I do give in and take a bathroom break. I’m on the phone a lot at work with long conversations and the worst part is sitting there talking and having the urge come back with a vengeance and not being able to excuse myself. Sometimes I have to go so bad that I wonder if I’m going to get to the toilet in time. By nature, doing a #2 is a stinky and embarrassing bodily function, especially when using a public restroom; I try to do my part in keeping the work restroom smelling fresh by holding in a #2 if I can manage it.

  33. notme

    ok…so today this woman at work did a big nasty business…the boss got wind of it & I said “I didn’t do it!” (which I didn’t!)…a co-worker chimed in the same & now the perpetrator is pissed at both of us…and wants to talk to me in the morning! Uh-oh! Somehow I think @#its gonna hit the fan!

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