Get a move on.
Hot popcorn isn’t going to be hot forever. It’s time to chow down by stuffing big, spilly handfuls of salty buttery goodness in your mouth as fast as you can.
Because hey, popcorn’s the perfect snack for non-stop shoving. Silverware isn’t needed and a scoopful of the bumpy corn pops fit easily into anybody’s hand. And popcorn’s soft and chewy which makes it ideal for the quick bite-bite-swallow technique. Lastly, popcorn’s often a shared food. If you don’t shove it in really fast you might get stuck with the broken burnt pieces at the bottom.
So just keep on shoving and shoving and shoving some more. And after each big swallow make sure to drop your jaw open slowly like a trash compacter, with popcorn bones and oily kernal shards stuck to your lips and tongue, and wait for the next big delivery.
Should be any second now.
AWESOME!
Illustrations from: here
22 Comments
July 20, 2009 at 12:54 am
This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read.
July 20, 2009 at 3:18 am
YES YES Y>E>S I do that all the time lol I love how almost everything on this site is tru that should be #1 awesome thing in the world reading all these entries and having some experience with all of them some how:
AWESOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 20, 2009 at 8:58 am
This is sheer awesomeness, do you know what the great thing about popcorn is? You can stuff it in your mouth without chewing, then you realize that you mouth’s too full to chew, so you then face an amusing dilemma.
Awesome!
July 20, 2009 at 9:26 am
The popcorn “thing” reminds me of another movie related “thing”. Buy your tickets/popcorn/drinks, race into the theatre, eyes frantically scanning in search of your favourite seats, (the upper seats with the railing to rest your feet on) and YES, they are empty. AWESOME!
July 20, 2009 at 12:27 pm
This is the only time I can waste food like that and still enjoy it happening.
July 20, 2009 at 1:03 pm
This is only awesome until you have to go home and dig dozens of random pieces of popcorn out of your bra.
August 14, 2009 at 4:33 am
No that is the second best part because: snack for later!
July 20, 2009 at 1:21 pm
When I’m working at my computer, I eat popcorn out of a tall plastic cup so my fingers don’t get oily.
July 30, 2009 at 10:52 am
That is truely AWESOME!
July 20, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Oh man, this has got to be my favorite of your posts. There is absoultey nothing I enjoy more when watching something than shoving handfuls of popcorn into my mouth.
July 20, 2009 at 2:33 pm
If it’s movie popcorn, I’m with ya! Movie popcorn simply rocks.
July 20, 2009 at 2:56 pm
This is so true, you fill your hands with popcorn and stuff your mouth like theres no tomorrow.
July 20, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Isn’t it awesome how that happens. The title reminds me of eating saltine crackers and breathing heavily in my brothers face.
AWESOME
July 20, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I’m not sure why, but the eating the crackings and breathing hard thing made me laugh hysterically. Awesome.
Also, I kind of disagree with the popcorn thing. I always eat popcorn very gingerly because I can’t stand the feeling of getting a kernel stuck between my teeth. For some reason, I can always find it with my tongue but never with my fingers–even when I count to see which tooth it is!
July 20, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I love popcorn. I am with you. It tastes better when you shove handfuls in your mouth.
July 20, 2009 at 10:18 pm
I only really do this when I’m alone. It’s almost like a game to see how much popcorn you can shove in at once.
July 20, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Nice illustrations.
July 21, 2009 at 12:44 am
I use to love popcorn. I can’t eat it no more since I have a lot of fake teeth.
July 21, 2009 at 11:19 am
I do like the illustrations too, but they just don’t make me laugh out loud like the other ones did. : (
Keep on being AWESOME, Neil!
July 29, 2009 at 8:42 am
Hehehhehehehehheheh Fun
November 16, 2009 at 11:08 pm
i work at a movie theater and hate how people spill popcorn EVERYWHERE. i’m the one who has to clean it up.
June 24, 2010 at 10:00 am
I’m doing it right now. Shoving in handfuls, spilling it, and loving it!