#679 Old school sugar cereals

Neil Pasricha

sugar cereals turn the milk deliciously sandyLet’s go back.

Sandy pink streaks coat the sky as the sun peeks over your backyard fence and shines on the peeling linoleum of your kitchen floor. The fridge murmurs and hums, oven burners wobble and pop, as you spend a quiet moment alone with a box of sugar cereal.

Let’s count down ten of the greatest:

10. Corn Pops. The delayed time release technology would allow sticky yellow chunks to remain in your molars until you needed energy for later in the day. This was handy because sometimes in the middle of math class you just gotta have your pops.

9. Trix. I always felt bad for the rabbit. Frankly, it seemed like the toddlers were jerks. “Silly rabbit,” they laughed, with their beady eyes, right in his face. “Trix are for kids.” Come on, he only wants a bowl of of cereal. I think these must be the same punks who stole Lucky’s Charms.

8. Sugar Crisp. Did anyone else think Sugar Bear was related to Chester Cheetah? Think about it — the sunglasses, the long strides, the sneakers. Both are chilled out dudes who ditched jungle living for the big bucks of Hollywood. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were roommates.

7. Cocoa pebbles, Cocoa Puffs, or Count Chocula. These bowls of chocolate were like speed for kids. You had to pour extra milk so you could guzzle down the glimmery chocolate milk for dessert.

6. Grape Nuts. Okay, this isn’t a sugar cereal, but didn’t you always have a stale box kicking around from that time Grandma visited? Nobody could explain what a Grape Nut was, either. We’d just quietly pass the box around on those dark mornings when the sugar ran dry and we all took our colo-rectal health seriously for a day with Grape Nuts, Shredded Wheat, or All Bran. Yes, Grape Nuts made us dream big dreams about tomorrow’s Froot Loops, Frosted Flakes, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. They’re on the list because they made the next bowl taste sweeter.

5. Honeycomb. Remember the TV commercial where the angry viking biker storms the kid’s forest hideout and starts a group sing-a-long with a dancing robot? Combine that with some Smurfs episodes and you’ve got a pretty trippy Saturday morning. “Honeycomb’s big… yeah, yeah, yeah! It’s not small … no, no, no!”

4. Lucky Charms. First off, the gang at General Mills redefined marshmallow to mean rock-hard bits of dyed, packed sugar. Plus, they reinvented new shapes all the time. Do you remember pink hearts and yellow moons? These days we’re chomping on hourglasses and shooting stars while doing our best Irish accents. Of course, the good news is that Lucky Charms still turns milk magically deliciously orange.

3. Cap’n Crunch. My friend Chad didn’t know the proper way to spell ‘captain’ until he was twelve. In other news, Cap’n Crunch was one of few cereals to feature an arch nemesis in their ads. Yes, first there was Jean LaFoote and then The Soggies came around and tried to prematurely dampen your cereal. To stop them you had to scarf your bowl in forty-five seconds and completely shred the roof of your mouth for the rest of the day.

2. Cookie Crisp. Honestly, it was just a big box of cookies. If your mom fell for this, do you think she’d let us bum some cigarettes and borrow her car, too?

1. Honey Nut Cheerios. Most kids had a good five year run with this faithful classic. Smooth corners made for easy chomping, you could toss a handful in a baggie for a take out snack, and they were healthy enough for parents to keep buying year after year. Of course, like many other cereals, Cheerios were famous for that glimmery patch of sugar powder at the bottom of the box. Remember to play it safe on that last bowl or you could end up polluting your breakfast. Now, for old time’s sake, here’s the commercial they used to run every Christmas.

Depending on how you grew up, eating some sugar cereal might have been a little bit of quiet time before the day began. While parents rushed around and the radio blared traffic reports, you read the back of box over and over, fished around for the sticker at the bottom, and read about the competitive spirit inside Tony the Tiger and the tragedy of the Trix bunny.

Sure, old school sugar cereals weren’t the healthiest thing we could have eaten, but those vitamin-fortified sugar punches made for mighty fun childhoods.

AWESOME!

we can dreamPhotos from: here and here

72 thoughts to “#679 Old school sugar cereals”

  3. Yay for Lucky Charms! This is the one cereal with which I would actually eat with milk in the bowl. I would eat the cereal part as fast as I could so I would be left with a soggy, gooey marshmallow dessert at the end of my breakfast. So nom-able… I might have to pick me up some this week.

  4. Us poor British types don’t have anywhere near as much fun when it comes to sugary breakfast cereals. I vaguely recall Lucky Charms from my youth, but they’ve long since vanished from the shelves. Not a year goes by without some online petition or other to bring them back.

    However I will admit that I’ve recently rediscovered Honey Loops (read: Honey Nut Cheerios), and have in fact just scoffed down a bowl.

  5. Awesome awesome, awesome, awesome sprinkled with extra-sugary awesome on top as part of this complete breakfast. Cap’n Crunch also faced a pirate named Jean LaFoote along with the Soggies.

    I always tried to find the Honeycomb Hideout, but to no avail. Getting my ass kicked by Andre The Giant meant I was getting close.

    Also awesome: Embedding the Scrooge Honey Nut Cheerios ad. But don’t forget the ad for Christmas Crunch, either!

    1. watched the embedded Honey Nut Cherrios Commercial… brought back memories of Christmasses as a kid and all of the glorious commercialism that lead up to that SUPER AWSOMMEST OF DAYS …. got a bit of warmth in my tummy that i had forgotten- thats doubbly awesome! So Seasonal Commercials and Christmas Specials that came on tv as you snuggled into your blanket in a big squishy chair or couch next to the Christmas tree as your parents brought you coco and cookies before (a late) bedtime during that 2-week vacation from school during the Christmas/New Year Holidays- definately rate in the 1000 Awesome list!!

  6. OMG dude, you forgot the BEST ONE OF ALL – Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Talk about sugar-laden deliciousness. That one will beat any of the ones listed above, any day. Though I do love me some honey nut cheerios.

  7. As soon as I saw the title I thought wistfully about Lucky charms which I ate all through my childhood and thoroughly loved them! Alas, you can’t get them in the UK anymore unless you pay £10 a box :-o but my mum bought me a bowl for my 21st birthday breakfast, bless.
    And I still love Honey Nut Loops :-)

  10. Those were the days when they has names which actually contianed the word SUGAR!!! Now they disquise themselves as “corn puffs” or “honey crisps” or some other such nonsense! Wonderful set of commercials!

    I await with interest #1 & I want to see how many of mine are in your 1000 things – wonderful blog – keep up the good work!

  11. Down in Australia I’ve never heard of half of those haha, but the best sugar cereal of my childhood was FROSTIES, pretty much cornflakes covered in sugar. Delicious. Best eaten straight out of the box without milk for bonus unhealthiness. They don’t make them anymore, I checked the other day :(

    RIP Frosties.

    2. OMG I remember Frosties!! The were the best Aussie cereal – My parents would rarely buy it for us, so I’m devastated to hear they don’t make them anymore.. Damn!

    3. Actually, they do have about the same cereal here in America (if you live in Australia) (I’m not sure if it’s sold in Australia or not) but its called Frosted Flakes And its just corn or somthin’ like that covered in high fructose corn syrup and sugar. But that kind of of cereal is not allowed in my house. Though, All Bran and plain old Cheerios we do have, and besides, I don’t have cereal for breakfast, I have oatmeal or a PB&J, or something really filling. And thats why I don’t have grandma’s “Diggin’ dirt with her good ol’ chompers” type of teeth.

  12. ^ yeah, there were never many sugar cereals in Australia… getting away with eating sugar for breakfast seems to be a uniquely American thing…
    although, I grew up in south east asia and there was a cereal there called Honey Stars which was the most delicious, sweetest “cereal” ever! yummm…

  13. What about the kids who only got sugar cereal in the multi-pack single serve boxes when they went camping?

    The last kid out of the tent? Poor bastard got bran flakes.

    1. OK, so I was gonna tell my “Christmas morning Fun Pack, 5th kid to the table gets Rice Krispies” story, but now I don’t think I will…

  14. Dude, there’s a box of Lucky Charms in my desk right now.

    And, as I did, my 5-year-old is discovering the pleasures of Honey Nut Cheerios — the only sugar cereal a trying-to-eat-healthy parent will allow. (Never mind the fact that it probably has nearly the same amount of sugar as Froot Loops. Hey, why aren’t Froot Loops on the list?)

  15. When we went to the cottage (only once a summer as it was a nine hour drive) my brothers and I each got to pick a box of “crap cereal”, as my dad called them.

    So there the three of us were negotiating who would pick what so that we all got the best of the best! No point in picking two chocolate flavs, we have to milk this for all it’s worth, after all it’s going to be another year till we tear open the rooves of our mouths again.

    PS – I’m pretty sure cinnamon toast crunch didn’t come along till later! But Golden Graham always came to the cottage with us.

  17. Luckily, this post didn’t have any sense of “nostalgia” for me, as I still eat ALL of these cereals to this day. Just because I’m almost 30, doesn’t mean I can’t still eat breakfast like I’m 11!

    Mmmmm.. Can’t get enough of that Sugar Crisp..

  18. If it’s still around does that make it old school?

    What about Frankenberry? Captain Crunch had a variety of different flavours too. I don’t remember what it was called, but it was peanut flavoured and it featured an elephant (cartoon of course) in the TV promos.

  20. This is the best post so far. I still love Sugar Crisp. I make my own sugary cereal these days. Just add a little Chocolate Milk to your cereal and presto Raisin Bran is delicious! Everybody should try it!

  21. I wrote to Kelloggs about why they don’t sell this amazing ambrosia of breakfast delights known as ‘sugar cereal’ in the UK and was told that they aren’t allowed to market it as cereal in this country. Sweet City sells imported Lucky Charms, but only if you’re willing to shell out £7 per box.

    Thank goodness travelling to the US frequently means I can get my fix of sugary goodness in Smorz form and there’s nothing that killjoy of British Kelloggs can do about it. Plus I swear American milk has 500% extra sugar in it, which only adds to the awesomeness pleasure.

  22. omg does this bring back memories. I loved these cereals. Still do, tho I don’t have them most of the time ’cause I’ll scarf down a whole box at once. Crunch Berries, Peanut Butter Crunch, and Lucky Charms were probably my favorites, tho there were many others. I’m surprised there’s no Frosted Flakes on your list. I still use gi bugs as an excuse to munch on Lucky Charms straight out of the box, picking through and eating the corn puff part first and then the marshmallows :) Sooooooo good. Aaaah :)

  23. This is a real winner! I so enjoyed this trip down memory lane. In my later years though I have traded the sugary Fruity Pebbles in for Cheerios. For some reason I always thought Cheerios were the “healthier” option. I choose to continue to live under this false hope.

  25. are those chocolate lucky charms in the first photo? where the hell can i find those? ditto on the last picture which clearly depicts a bowl full of lucky charms marshmallows only.

  26. I love fruity pebbles!!!!! and for those who agree, I find that the new fruity cheerios. Yummm & Yay for Sugary Cereal

  27. I Love Sugar Bear!! And now I am really hungry for some Sugar Crisp! I must go buy a box tomorrow! Thanks for reviving the memories!

  29. When I was a child, I would sneak the brand new box of Lucky Charms from the pantry and eat every single marshmallow.

    The next day, upon finding there are no more marshmallows left, my mother would give me /the look/ and shake her head.

  33. Another one I loved.. Golden Grahams.. and you could use them as the cereal in place of the rice krispies in the marshmallow treats.. yummo! all yummy grahamy sugary marshmallowy goodness!

  34. Ahh, after reading this, I literally got up and went to the store to buy some Grape Nuts. I hadn’t thought of Grape Nuts in years until I read this! My beloved Gram always ate them when I was a kid, and they remind me of the 90s and being young and carefree. Ahh yes, Grape Nuts. I’m eating them right now, and I came back to comment and say thanks for the reminder of better times :)

  35. Thank you for the collection of classic cereal commercials! Sugar Crisp, Honeycomb, and Golden Grahams are my faves.

  37. CANT GET ENOUGH OF THAT SUGAR CRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSPPP!

    that bear was so damn cool… cereal made your piss smell odd though…

    tastes good with unfiltered apple juice… the cereal, not your pee… you weirdo…

  38. Chris Pearson, I think we need to go out on a date.

    (and to your possible wife/girlfriend/whatever lady friend: tell her she’s a lucky gal indeed)

  39. oh wait, your name is not Chris Pearson, that’s the blog theme creator.

    So Neil, replace the above requested name with yours. thanks.

  40. I totally expected Fruity Pebbles to be on here. They are like pixie sticks in a bowl…and I loved it.
    AWESOME!!

  41. This makes me jealous… Every morning I eat Grape Nuts – no lie. I’ve never even tried any of those cereals except for Honey Nut Cheerios.

    1. They make Count Chocula with corn now instead of oat flour, doesn’t taste the same at all :( Why do they always have to ruin a good thing?

  44. Pingback: Sugar Cereals « The Pear Gallery

  46. Way back when they used to have Ice Cream Cones for a cereal, and they were great! There was also a Nintendo, a Link, a Rainbow Brite… Frankenberry and BooBerry were also good, and sometimes I can still find them around Halloween.

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