“He ate my tip!”
Tara said that with eyebrow-crinkling rage while we were out grabbing drinks on a laid-back patio. She shook her head sternly and surveyed our table of belchy beer drinkers for emotional support.
We offered none.
In my defense I had no idea what she was talking about, so I just took a sip of my beer and wiped my foamstache. When I casually glanced back at Tara I saw she was still steaming so I tossed her a thin-lipped nod and a flimsy half-hearted response.
“Your tip, huh. Boy, that is really too bad.”
I figured we were done but she wasn’t stopping. No, she slapped her palms on the sloshy metal table covered in soggy beer coasters and lemon wedges, leaned her head in real close, and popped her eyes out like a B-grade horror actress who’d just been axed in the back.
“You know, the tip of my pumpkin pie. He ate the tip of my pumpkin pie! He knows I love tips. I always talk about tips and he just stole it from me. He ate that perfect, delicious triangle at the front of my dessert. I was so mad!”
And then I suddenly got it.
Tips.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’d you do,” I asked, suddenly sucked into this tale of sugar robbery.
“Oh, you want to know what I did? I’ll tell you what I did. I ate the tip of every single piece of pie left in the dish. There were seven left and I just scarfed seven delicious tips!”
Now this really got my attention. What a feisty little nibbler, I thought. Some dude jokingly stabs his fork in her dessert and suddenly lightning bolts flicker in her eyes, her teeth start grinding, and her lips curl into a dark clownish smile.
I kind of liked it.
Frankly, we all did. Yes, we all laughed at Tara’s tip-eating rampage that sunny afternoon and realized that, come on, tips are great. I mean, let’s think about it for a second here:
1. Slice of pizza. Bubbly cheese, crispy pepperoni corners, and tiny drips of hot orange oil swirl around at the center of the pie. It’s the nucleus of the pizza and the core of all taste. No, there’s no danger of uneven sauce coverage here and the crust is nice and thin. Plus, if you’re lucky, you might score a cheese dangle, which involves your pizza tip using the power of the melt to snag excess toppings from a nearby slice. And hey, if your tip is the one getting robbed of toppings here, no worries. You just scrape up bits of cheese and sausage from the rest of the box and toss on top. Everybody gets a great tip.
2. The top swirl of a Dairy Queen cone. Folks in the biz know it’s an art to create that delicate curl on the top of a cone. It’s the only real baby-nibble on the cone and therefore a nice tease for the next few minutes. Most of the way down you’re licking and biting your ice cream, so that top swirl is a yummy appetizer.
3. Quiche. Does anybody actually eat quiche? Well, if you’re in the game for this one, I’m guessing you’re loving that chunky broccoli, salty ham, fluffy egg, and oily crust combo at the front of your slice. Très yummy, yes pas?
4. First crispy nacho from the top of the tower. Full-size triangle chip with crisp corners, bubbly cheese, and little salsa puddles, waiting innocently for you to dive in. We’re not talking about bland, lettuce covered shards at the bottom of the heap. No, we’re talking about the tip of the nachoberg here.
5. First sip from a bottle of beer. This is the liquid tip. Not as triangular or pointy, but let’s face it: For those who drink that first sip of beer on a Friday after work can be refreshing, bubbly bliss.
6. Cakes. We saved the best for last. As those tall, wobbly cheesecake towers arrive at your table or you delicately carve out a thick slab of black forest at a birthday party, we both know you’re eying that delicious triangle tip right up front. And look at it sugar-shining in the light just waiting for you. It’s practically saluting and pledging allegiance to your mouth.
So people, come on. Let’s all hold hands today and remember the many great tips we’ve enjoyed over the years. Yes, smile at all those delicious first bites and first sips that surprised your tongue and teased your tastebuds with hints of what’s to come.
Love tips, love bites, love tips, love life.
AWESOME!
I’m kind of a pizza crust guy, I have to admit I gasped when I saw this entry. This HAS to be the most awesome thing so far. Why is this only #667?! It should be much higher!
It’s this entry that really exemplifies the purpose of this blog: The little things in life that are taken for granted, but they’re always there and life itself is much better for it being there. AWESOME!
also, the tips of like, tubs of butter or cream cheese, or peanut butter. that first scoop. so awesome.
Yes! the first scoop of peanut butter is like treasure at my house. So are the end pieces to a really good, crusty loaf of bread.
I eat quiche! Not as often as I would like to.. but I do!
The first bite is the best. I guess I never realized I love tips too.
quiche eaters unite!!
This whole little anecdote was quite charming. Loved it! I’m a faithful reader of this blog, and I think you are AWESOME!
You forgot Brie. The tip of a ripe Brie is one of the greatest culinary delights of all…
I love this website, and find it amazing how I can relate to so many of the ‘awesome things’ and to realise that other people appreciate them too!
It’s great to be reminded of all the little things in life that we might not even consider to be ‘awesome’ but really really are.
The pizza crust example is so true! I always save a ‘tip’ for the end so that I end with that and not the boring crust!
I do that too! I take on the crust first and leave the deliciousness that is the tip for the very end. So good!
that rhyme at the end is a tongue twister! (love tips love bites love tips love life)
I love tips. They fit perfectly on the fork. I only eat my pie halfway through the slice because that’s when all the tip is gone. Love the tips of pizza. Sometimes I cut my pizza slices in smaller slices just so I can have more tips.
Love this!!
I never would have thought of this one, but it’s so true. So awesome.
This is brilliant.
‘Feisty little nibbler’ – amazing.
I only cut my toast diagonally so that I’ve got 4 perfect little tips. An intentional tip isn’t as grand but an awesome start to the day.
Thanks Neil!
I love to grab the cheese from the pizza that sticks on the inside of the box before anyone else gets it.
LOVE the pumpkin pie tip! What’s even better is if you spoon on a big glob of whipped cream onto your pie slice, and make sure to cover the whole slice. The tip will get a disproportionate amount of whipped cream. Yum.
Amen. I’ve got a very heavy hand when it comes to dolloping out the whip cream on my pies (or on anything really).
If you could manage to get a little swirl at the top of your whip cream dollop, you could double up on your tip-eating in one bite!
Why would someone NOT eat quiches? :O I can’t see any good reason for that! But yeah, I also love tips, pretty often tip is the best part of cake.
The tip of a pie totally rules.
The “foamstache” you mentioned is awesome in and of itself.
This is great. I had no idea where this post was going at the beginning. Well done. I now can boast of loving “tips” as well. First bite is always the best.
“…the tip of the nachoberg…”
Well done.
When I saw the headline, I thought this was going to turn into an argument about whether or not you’re supposed to leave 15% or 18%, and if that should be calculated pre-tax or post.
This was better.
Me too- I thought this was going to be the tip argument!
I’ve never thought about the deliciousness of food tips, so rad.
OMG! I have been waiting for your post on pizza tips! It’s got to be one of the awesomest things ever! This post is right on target. It was narrow-minded of me to focus on pizza tips, when truly all the tips you’ve included are fabulous.
Oh yes, tips can create marital disharmony. My husband once asked me to hold his ice cream cone for a second, but since his tip was about to melt, I had no choice but to lick it. (Really, what else could I do?) He freaked out!
Really, there was nothing else you could do.
Well, I guess he learned the hard way that you should never give your tip to someone else to hold. It’s a simple rule: eat tip first, pass food to someone else to hold second.
The More You Know.
Hahah so true. Gotta love tips :)
Ahh… yesss..tastey tips. My favorite tip was the tasty tip of my finger my old Lab KoKo took when I offered her the last bite of a cheeseburger. Good times! Awesome.
P.S. Real men don’t eat quiche.
My grandmother used to tell me to always put the tip to the side till the end, for good luck. I still do it, ten years later. So
AWESOME.
The tip is the best part! I’ll often eat my food from the crust in, just to save the tip for last. An Awesome Thing after my own heart.
On a slightly different note, I can understand Tara’s rage at having her tip so cruelly stolen away. In the end the issue isn’t that she doesn’t get to eat the tip, it’s that someone deliberately ate it to annoy her. I would have reacted similarly!
WATERMELON SLICE TIPS!!!!!
This article was great. I’m still laughing about the tips. I’d never really thought of it much before, but I do remember that I watched a movie where the lady said a guy really loves you if he gives you his last hot wing. I guess that’s pretty much the same as tips. Thanks for posting this–even if the food pics have sent me into a late-night-snack-craving spiral.
HOW DARE YOU!!
You know..there are places in the world where they chop off your hands for such an atrocity.
It is really unfair when we save the most scrumptious part for the ending and some jackass comes and steals it from under our nose. I’ve experienced this and I am on Tara’s side.
SOOOOOOOO definitely! My tip, mine, mine, mine. :D
Hi,
I can’t believe it has taken me this long to thank you. You are an amazing writer and have me addicted to your website.
It was one of the best things EVER! I was excited to go into work knowing that my ‘tip theory’ was going to be on the site, but I didn’t think it would be this great! It showed that I’m a little crazy, but that my theory is so true.
So HAPPY, with a huge smile on my face:) It made my day!
tips of waffle cones! not the first bite, but the last, just as you’re trying to keep the ice cream from melting all over, the cone is a little bit soggy from the melting icecream, but that last bite is as good as it gets!
Don’t you hate it when the tip of your slice of pizza comes off while you’re pulling your slice out? I need a better pizza pulling technique.
I love the “belly button” of a new tub of margarine… you know.. that nub in the middle? There’s something so satisfying about being the priviledged person who gets to dig it out!
YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE BEST GAME IN THE WORLD!!!!!
JUST THE TIP!!!!!!
its my absolute fav and it should be yours too!!
When I first read the TIP title, I though about a tip for a waiter, then about a tip like when you tell someone useful info, but I think we all agree that the best tip is this one!
AWESOME!
Ok, I’ve been thinking about this for months and I’ve finally found a tip that I don’t like: Pineapples.
I was out for breakfast recently and I was served some pineapple that had been quartered. I went to bite into the tip, expecting awesomeness, when I was met with the hard, bitter, and unjuicy core of the pineapple.
So, as an asterisk:
*This post does not apply to un-cored pineapple quarters.
NOT AWESOME!
Hands down the awesome(est) thing on this website.. I actually laughed!
That is hilarious! Hahahah I love tips! Geez, this is so…whats the word….just, cute. xD
My cousin and I have been referring to this as, “the essence” for years!
The little things, there’s nothing bigger.
That mess made me laugh so hard I got tears in my eyes. When I realized you meant the tip of a “food triangle” I had to stop and comment.
Heck yeah. Tips are AWESOME. And quite honestly, I’d be mad too!
Now I gotta go back up and finish reading this….
DANG…. Now I’m finished and you must have READ MY MIND.
As soon as I read tips, I thought, “the first sip of a beer” and there you had it. A liquid tip.
To be honest, you really do need to give that its own post. THE FIRST SIP OF BEER IS BEYOND AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh God, how good does the piece of pie in the last picture look?
*drool*
Pizza, yes. Ice cream? SUPAH-YES! Beer..??? No…..
Hmm…but where is the pie? I have a friend who’s crazy about pie. :)
Was it the “Tip of the ice-burg?”
Tara…
Neil…
anybody?
* Fantastic!*
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I’m a die hard Maple Leafs fan and have been wanting to go to a live game. Thanks for the information & surely I can get hockey tickets soon.
Hell ya you better not eat the tip of my pumpkin pie!!! Or any of my pumpkin pie for that matter!!
Its the first time i used this app and yes, its awesome. Im a tip girl too
Yum yum.can you put some things that are not good on plz
Tips are awesome. Especially when you have a bag of Doritos (cheesey) the first is the best