#384 Intense post-Halloween candy trades

Neil Pasricha

You came, you dressed up, you conquered.

Now you’re walking around with bloodshot eyes and a gumball headache as you pack Princess costumes into boxes, peel decorations off the door, and get ready for the important business of sorting through your loot.

Now it’s time to focus. FOCUS. Work through that Halloween hangover and steady your nerves because it’s time to strike some big deals. Maybe a candy currency system even emerges amongst all your siblings and friends:

Large size chocolate bar: 20 points

Loot bag full of assorted treats: +/- 15 points depending on size of bag

Fun size chips or Doritos: 10 points

Popcorn ball: 6 points

Reese Peanut Butter Cup: 5 points (especially valuable if special Halloween version)

All other mini candy bars: 4 points

Little pack of fuzzy peaches or sour gummies: 4 points

Cake items such as Twinkies: 3 points

Two-pack of rock hard gum: 2 points

Licorice: 2 points

Caramels from a big well-known caramel company: 2 points

Lollipops: 2 points (Note: Possible points premium for large sizes or rare rainbow-colored lollipops.)

Lollipops with chewy stuff in the middle: Either 1 point or -2 points depending on whether you have braces

Caramels in clear plastic wrap that are overly sticky and have no name on it and taste like burnt sugar: 1 point

Tootsie Rolls: 1 point

Lemon flavoured anything: 0 points.

Pen from guy who sells real estate: 0 points

Anything healthy including raisins or apples: 0 points

Weird chewy generic halloween candy: -1 point.

So pour out your pillowcase and get ready for some high stakes deals on the basement floor. Don’t forget to keep your personal favorites a secret or you’ll pay a fool’s ransom. (If you sacrifice three bags of chips for a Twinkie, you’ve been had.) Lastly, know who you’re up against  — does anyone have nut allergies or unhealthy addictions to lime flavoring?

Bottom line: Get in there and get deal-making. Get in there and get teeth-breaking. Get in there and get

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

71 thoughts to “#384 Intense post-Halloween candy trades”

  3. Always the best. “I’ll give ya two packs a gummies for your Twix bar!” Yuck, the coffee flavored stuff was the worst! NO ONE wanted that. Not even my dad.

  4. I always hated the dentist in our neighborhood who would drop toothbrushes in our bags. That has to be at least -5 points!

    1. Growing up, one of my next door neighbors was a dentist, but he had a couple kids my age … he must have known he’d be blackballed if he handed out toothbrushes, so instead he put his wealth to use and bought some of the best treats on the block!

    2. Someone put toothbrushes in our bag, but it wasn’t so bad because they gave us regular candy too.

    1. One time I got a Butterfinger for Halloween and it had a larvae in it! It was a good decade before I was able to eat Butterfinger again (and I love them)!

  6. Another awesome feeling – you are a bit too old to go trick or treating, but you have to take your younger sister around the neighborhood. You don’t have to get dressed up but you do collect the candies as well. Awesome!

  7. Yes! I completely agree with your whole point system. Perfect!

    Especially “lemon flavored anything” … I mean, I guess I know a few people who like lemon stuff, but I’ve always wondered why candy makers even make lemon (and lime) flavored candy. Ew. It makes me think of Pledge. Of all the wonderful fruit they could model their flavors after, they chose lemons and limes? Pass.

    I also really giggled at “weird chewy generic Halloween candy” … I’m pretty sure that’s what my grandparents handed out :( A mixed bag of nondescript chewies, some with black wrappers, some with orange ones (extra negative points for the hint of mothball flavoring … super double-negative points if it was the same bag from last year or *shudder* even longer ago). Those always went straight into the trash, no questions asked.

    My sister and I would always dump our stuff out and pick our very favorites to put back into our plastic pumpkins. Then we’d scrape what remained into a pile and have a candy-grabbing-free-for-all. Intense is the perfect word for it.

      1. Haha! Well, you could probably share a bag of candy with almost anyone and get your favorite without having to compromise ;)

    3. Usually lemon and lime are my least favorite flavors, but sometimes they’re awesome. It all depends on the type of candy. If it’s really acidic and harsh (as most lemon/lime candies are), gross! But if it’s a mellower flavor it can be quite delicious (lemon salt water taffy, for example).

  8. I was always so picky about my candy…..not picky as in I would only eat a certain kind, no, I’m talking picky like what I got was mine and I’m not trading with anyone. Ok, so picky was a bad word, how about stingy. I liked most of the candy and the ones I didn’t like, I pretended to like. Growing up with 6 brothers, I had to claim my own or have nothing. If I gave them just a little peek at what I had or tried to trade with them, they would take it as open season and leave me with plastic wrappers. I learned my lesson real quick.

    1. A commercially prepared popcorn ball, maybe … but this old lady down the street handed out the best homemade popcorn balls. I don’t know what made them so good, but they were a huge hit! She’s been making them for forever, too … the house I grew up in is the same one my mom lived in when she was little, and this same lady handed out homemade popcorn balls THEN, too!

  10. MONTY!

    Geektween and her two friends had a pretty intense sort / trade session last night in which it was determined that anything can be negotiated, and no one likes Oh Henry. No one.

        1. ya, and apparently some woman who lived above my dad in a condo…he reported her REPEATEDLY saying, “Oh Henry”, every night…at least that’s what he told me…REALLY HE DID!!

      1. Fun Fact (as one of the blogs cross-border representative).. Smarties in Canada refer to little chocolate treats similar to plain M&Ms (but way better). But the ones you are referring to in the US are typically called “Rockets” in Canada. A major source of confusion when I first came to the US for college.

        And despite all my time down here, since I was in Canada for my formative candy eating years, whenever I hear about “smarties” I think.. “mmm.. yummy chocolates that are better than M&Ms..” So when you say they’re like chalk, I still have this split second where there is this disconnect.. Something like:

        “Huh?? What’s crazy Laura talking about now??”

        1. Thanks for explaining that, Freddo! I was seriously thinking, “Chalk?” Do you mean like “Chalk-olate?”

        2. Yes, I bet that did make me sound crazy. Who knew that there were two different kinds of Smarties?! I guess I should really brush up on my Canadian candy brands!

          I wonder if Kschenke is referring to chalk or chocolate? Hmmm.

          I would like Canadian Smarties. I would not like Canadian Rockets.

  12. My sister and I used to have SO much fun with this… Last night was actually my first night giving out candy rather than begging for it… Growing up makes me sad. Perhaps I’ll go to Walgreens and get some discount Halloween candy today :)

  13. When we got home from trick-or-treating, we always made an inventory of all the candy we had collected. My brother and I each kept detailed charts of what we had in our pillowcases, and caught our parents stealing our candy many a time. What nutters!

  14. Popcorn balls are for people who like to eat styrofoam. Rated waaayyyy too highly. Should have a negative rating along with Heath bars of any size.

  15. My brother and I got into serious debates over this. Like, we’d refuse to give up a Hershey’s Cookie’s n Cream and suddenly it’s “You never share anything!” and “I’m telling that boy you have a crush on!” Drama.

  17. I used to trade with my little brother — perhaps I dominated the trades a bit…
    Your point system is great!
    I hate lemon and lime flavour anything. and those awful molasses candies (gave them to my mom)should have had negative points.
    I’m pretty sure that apples were tossed as ballast along the way…
    I also hate smarties — but my Bro liked them. And, um… O Henry is my favourite!!

  18. omg i have my bag of candy right here and i dont think i got as much as i used to which makes me sad lol but i still got quite a bit and some of my faves are

    1. pixy stixs!!!!!! h*ll yea pixy stixs are the sh*t lol
    2. starbursts
    3. milk duds
    4. reeses
    5. smarties
    6. dum dum lollipops i like butterscotch and rootbeer ooh and now they have strawberry shortcake yay!!! woot
    7. tootsie rolls
    8. kit kats
    9. lemon heads i actually like these lol
    10. those little caramel cubes with the clear plastic wrappers but i didnt get any this year :( usually i get a few at least
    10. ring pops
    11. m&ms

    i dont like warheads, red hots, hot tamales, those generic candies in the orange and black wrappers those suck! ewww i also dont like popcorn balls theyre disgusting i think
    7.

    1. Pixy sticks are definitely amazing.
      Starburst are only good if they are red or pink.
      Ewwwwww, milk duds.
      I don’t eat peanut butter, so ew reeses.
      Smarties are legit, anyone who says otherwise is crazy.
      Dum dums are only good if they are bubblegum or fruity flavors.
      Tootsie rolls are disgusting.
      Kit kats are SO good!!
      I don’t like lemon heads, but I kinda like warheads.
      Ew, I don’t like the caramel cube
      Rung pops, I am addicted to, thats all I’m saying.
      M and m s are only good if they are the minis, then they melt in your mouth.
      Tamales are good!
      I don’t like popcorn balls either.

      So.
      1. Ring pops
      2. Pixy sticks
      3. Airheads
      4. Mini M and Ms
      5. Kit Kats
      6. Starbursts
      7. Smarties
      8. Tamales
      9. Dum Dums

      1. Your candy tastes are almost completely opposite mine! It’s too bad we can’t trade. Kit Kats and Hot Tamales are the only candies we’d fight over. ;)

  19. I always loved Mary Janes. Other kids would always give them to me because they looked funny. Awesome!

    My least favorites were always Mounds and Almond Joy, and something that looked like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup but had coconut in it. Oh, and Good ‘n’ Plenty.

        1. Yay! Good call back to an old post, Jen.. (the further back the post goes, the bigger the props you get..)

          Whoever is going to be able to make a relevant call back to Broccoflower in Post #1 (whatever it’s going to be) will win +1 Internet for that day..

          1. Ha, thanks! Yeah, making a relevant reference to broccoflower would be quite an accomplishment!

              1. Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love you more, you go and say that. Heck, I would have given you my broccoflower for free!

    2. what are mary janes ? I’m sorry for asking all these questions , but i’m ten years old.

  20. Favorites are:
    1. Reese’s cups
    2. Milk Duds
    3. Snickers/Milky Way/3 Musketeers
    4. Skittles/starburst/other fruity candies
    5. hershey’s bars/other chocolate bars
    6. clear plastic wrapped caramels – I don’t know if there’s actually a name brand, but I really like ’em. =)
    7. Charleston Chew
    8. Everything else. If it’s got sugar in it, chances are I will eat it.

    1. The only caramel cubes I’ve ever seen with a name printed on the wrapper were Kraft. The cubes are sold in the baking aisle for melting.

      Hooray for Charleston Chew! They sure tire out your jaw but they’re so worth it. :)

  22. Haha hilarious! I remember two years ago, I went with 3 friends. After walking around and getting a ton of candy, we just sat down in the entrance of a park trading candy under a light post. We yelled so much “NO THATS MINE! MINEEE! GIMME THAT!”, “WHO WANTS THIS?” – “MEE!” (2 people at once and grabbing). One of these friends I’ve never met before but she was always a halloween buddy and I’ve gone with her every halloween ever since, but I never talk to her other than on Oct.31st :)

  23. What a great post! I so remember trading goodies with my sister and even trying to steal some of her stuff when she wasn’t looking!

    Large size chocolate bars were a rare commodity and definitely worth 20 points- if you had one, you weren’t giving it away or you had major trading rights.

    I remember at this one house we lived in the neighbour worked for pepsi and handed out cans of pop! We often ran into other places that did this as well. It was like hitting gold! Sure your loot bag got heavy, but it was so worth. I would also put them around 20 points!

  26. That is some serious candy! I’m glad we live on a rural road – no trick or treating here :) But we do get to enjoy a Halloween party with plenty of lollies.

  27. Lemon flavored ANYTHING? What about Lemonheads? They’re one of my favorites.
    You know what’s awesome? Buying candy after a holiday when it’s really cheap. :)

  29. I remember how it went in our family. We would pick out the candies we liked/semi-liked and everything else would be p for trade.

  30. I went “Trick or Eat” for the first time this Halloween and end up getting a bunch of candy too! and then finished them all in one go…. I feel sorry for my stomach but my brain was telling me to keep on eating!

    Fav: Hershey’s anything

  31. The house that had warm apple cider midway through the round……priceless……man I miss those chilly Halloween nights going door to door.

    College Halloween is fun too though ;).

  32. Too bad, I live in Holland and we don’t do Halloween… Though November 11th we have ‘Sint Maarten’. Kids walk around the neighbourhood with lanterns, ring bells, sing songs and get candy! So I’ve had intense post-Sint-Maarten candy trades with my sister :)

  33. We always spent the weekend after halloween playing poker with our halloween candy. That way my brother would have time to make his bar graph with his candy. My cousin usually ended up playing candy wrappers not because he was that bad at poker but because he couldn’t stop himself from eating the candy as we were playing

  34. I’m deathly allergic to peanut butter (and from the 2 times I have tasted it find it to be absolutely disgusting) and all of my friends as a kid LOVED peanut butter. So, I would trade them all my nasty, poisonous peanut candies for their delicious peanut-free candies. Win for me!

  35. My brother and I used to do this. We’d get back, dump it out, Mom and Dad (or us when we got older) would go through and take out all the ones deemed unsafe/open, and then let the trading begin. Separate what I love and what I want to get rid of into the piles and then start bartering what I hate based off of what you have in your hate pile! Enjoy and hope that you eat it all before Easter or next Halloween before Dad says it needs to be thrown away!

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