#347 The Super Present Power Shop

You’re running late.

When it’s almost Christmas and there’s nothing under the tree it’s time to furrow your brows, steady your glare, and clench those fists for a big Super Present Power Shop.

Yes, this is where you bust into the mall in a sweatshirt-and-running shoes tornado and spin around at high speeds until successfully finding something for everyone on your list.

Black Friday’s long gone, online delivery windows are closed, and now it’s crunch time. Here are some tips to pulling it off:

• Good parkin’ is good startin’. Circling the frozen tundra in lot WW is a fool’s game. No, you need to find the secret YMCA entrance, get a drop off and pick up, or arrive ten minutes before doors open to score a front spot. Don’t forget The PLPT.

• Skip the coat, grab the kicks. Leave your winter jacket in the trunk and sprint across the icy lot to the front door because thirty seconds of frozen lungs is worth avoiding three hours of overheating. Plus, those running shoes will help you run and dive for the last Baby Farts-A-Lot in the toy store.

• Plug in. Stuff some headphones in your ears and rock out to 2Unlimited or Technotronic to stay motivated. Remember: Nothing slows you down more than hearing Santa Baby for the third time in an hour so pump up the jam and let’s move this.

• Couples for couples. If you have couples on your list just divide the number of gifts by two. Beer mug for him, wine glasses for her? No, martini shaker for both. You get the idea.

• Close your list, open your mind. Focus is important so jot down your names and ideas before hitting the stores. Just make sure leave your mind open for things to jump off the shelves. Breath mints,  People magazines, and IKEA golf pencils all make lovely stocking stuffers.

• Bag a Monster. It’s important to ask the first store you visit for the largest bags they have. They should go fishing for a couple minutes and pull out the king-sized ones normally reserved for toaster ovens and dehumidifiers. Use those monster to eat everything else you buy all day.

Okay, listen, listen — these are just a few tips to get you going. As you start perfecting your Power Shop you’ll grow more advanced techniques like stuffing your pockets with peanut butter sandwiches, phoning for inventory checks while waiting in lines, and buying someone a sled so you can drag all your presents from shop to shop.

But no matter what kind of Power Shop you pull off, one thing’s for sure: when you crash back into your couch surrounded by full bags and a crossed-off list well… it’s time to unclench your muscles, droop your eyes, and just smile back slowly at your mall-conquering moment of


Photos from: here, here, here, and here

26 thoughts on “#347 The Super Present Power Shop

  1. Hahaha I love this! Me and my older brother would do this every 23rd. Its sooooo much fun to cross of that last name!

  2. […] and buying someone a sled so you can drag all your presents from shop to shop.

    This one just killed me while reading this. Seriously, what a brilliant idea! I can already see the hordes of happy shoppers, snickering as they run through the streets tugging their heavily laden sleds.
    I thoroughly enjoy reading your daily posts, by the way. Sometimes I try not to visit for a few days so I can save up on posts and indulge in a TRIPLEPOSTREADINGFRENZY (I rarely make it to a QUADRUPLEPOSTREADINGFRENZY, but one can only imagine the bliss).

    1. I’m doing that right now and it IS awesome! I haven’t read since last Thurs. or so and now I’m reading all of these terrific Christmasy posts…it is blissful!

  3. The only thing I haven’t done is bring my own music when I shop. Usually when I’m doing my big shopping I take a friend, so music is not needed. I do like the idea though.
    I think each year though I inch closer to becoming a power shopper pro. I know all the big secrets. Leaving the winter coat in the car is a big one. I forgot once and it became such a headache. I didn’t want to carry it, but I was too hot to wear it. I didn’t want to put it in any of the bags cuz I didn’t want to ‘lose’ it.

  4. Luckily I don’t have many people to buy for. Since we have such a big family, we do secret santas, so at most I’m buying presents for my sister, parents, grandma, and aunt and uncle. More efficient that way, and much less stressful.

    However…this sounds way more fun…

  5. Wow, I feel like such a loser in comparison to these great ideas. I’m of the “bought all my gifts by Novemeber” persuasion.

    1. Hmm. I had no idea they had a cult following. I always intend to swipe a few when I’m there, but they always mysteriously disappear. I’m certain I put two of them in my purse last time, but they are nowhere to be found. I think there’s an ikea-pencil-goblin that lives in my car and steals them on the way home.

  6. This is so true! I live in the frozen tundra (well, upper midwest) and when I go shopping on Black Friday for several hours, I always wear a) Good running shoes since I’ll be on my feet all day and b) No coat!! Because I don’t want to carry it around and like this post said, overheat! haha “skip the coat, grab the kicks” is so right!

  7. I almost always have really well-intentioned plans of starting my shopping early (like, mid-November early) … and … well, my plans almost always fail. This year wasn’t as bad as usual, although I did make an ill-timed visit to the absolute hell known as WalMart-the-day-before-Christmas-Eve today to get some last minute grocery items. I practically parked at Hallmark the next lot over.

    Ok, that’s irrelevant.

    Anyway, I love the ideas. Another one, which I picked up last weekend, is to go with a baby stroller. At first it seems foolish — maybe even amateurish — until you’re wheeling through the mall at lightning speeds, the stroller bearing all the weight for which your arms would otherwise have been responsible.

  8. Well these are some great tips you have described here,especially when the person is not as organised as me.I do like shopping a lot and I should say definitely is a super power present shop,as the tittle describes in itself

  9. I really do like to save steps, frustration and fuel, by calling ahead for the inventory check! And starting this year, I’m using the sled trick! I mean even when I run out of kidlins in the family, can ALWAYS donate to a good cause=D
    *Now how many “gift-filled-toboggan-traffic-jams” can we cause, or will we see in shopping centers, parking lots, city side walks, busy side walks dressed in holiday style AND crossing streets?!*
    In the name of Neil Pasricha’s 1000Awesome Things, as we know it, last Christmas, this year should start a new tradition…
    AND may no child go without a sleigh to ride on snow days=D

Comments are closed.