#989 Blowing your nose in the shower

Squeeze that nostril

When you wake up with your ol’ nose holes filled to the brim with thick, slow-moving night-phlegm, there’s only one solution. That’s right. Get up, stumble to the shower, and let’s get down to business.

First, that hot steam needs to get the job started. Those tiny flying water molecules are like miniature chisels, floating right on up your nose and hammering away at the Wall of Salty Nose Gel blocking your air passages.

At the same time those chisels are working their magic, another old friend shows up just in time to lend a hand as well: our old pal gravity. Just standing up lets the night-phlegm know you mean business, and that you’ll employ the use of any weapon necessary to get those air passages cleared up for the long day ahead.

So now you’re in the shower. You’re totally soaked at this point — front and back got a rinse at least, maybe a tummy wash in there — and everything sure is all hot and steamy, nice and thick like a blanket of fog off an English coast.

At this point you should feel a bit of a tickle high inside your nose, as the wall slowly starts to give away. Now is not the time for complacency. “Oh, I’ll just let gravity and steam finish what they started,” is what you should not say. No, now is the time to attack!

There are three steps to pull it off:

  1. Place your thumb right on the outside of one of your nostrils — preferably the one getting better airflow at the moment. By doing this you essentially drop a massive two-by-four across your airway’s emergency exit door. Now there is no way for that air to get out of your lungs, except for your other nostril. And your mouth, of course.
  2. Close your mouth.
  3. NOW BLOW AS HARD AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!! EYES CLOSED, CHIN DOWN, BLOW, BLOW, BLOW!!! PUSH, THERE YOU GO, KEEP PUSHING OUT!!! LONG, HARD PUSH!!! PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!!! ANNNNNNNND… you’re done.

… So, how was it? Did it do the job? If not, you probably still feel clogged up. You’re out of breath, tired, and frustrated. But I hope that didn’t happen to you. I hope you broke the translucent nosespit dam wall right on down. I hope you blew that clear, slick membrane of headglue away. If you did the job right, your hand should now look like you just squeezed the life out of a baby jellyfish. And if does, I want to give you my sincere congratulations. Because you, my friend, are incredibly

AWESOME!

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28 thoughts on “#989 Blowing your nose in the shower

  1. Second time around and its still gross. Maybe this is more of a guy thing. Hubby does it. I can hear him. Gross. Just gross.

    1. To be fair, I don’t even like to be around people when they are blowing their nose into a tissue. Just grosses me out. When I have to blow my nose, I always go into an unoccupied room to do so. Doesn’t bother me with my kids though. Their boogies aren’t as gross for some reason.

      1. Well, it’s a good thing we don’t work in the same office, then, because I’ve had this crazy cold where my sinuses have been quite productive, and the nose-blowing is EXTREMELY LOUD and frequent. I think I’m finally getting over it, though.

        1. If I would be talking to someone and they go to blow their nose, I won’t get up and leave, but I just can’t make eye contact after that for a few minutes. My boss is always blowing her nose and I just stare at the floor.

          1. Bekah, YOU are hilarious!
            We were having dinner with a total braniac Handsome intelligent-friend a while back and I was totally grooving on the fact he was clearly hitting on me, chivalry and all because my husband has been a total ars…But then, OMG, the guy blew his nose right at the dinner table in the restaurant! Everything about him was deflated in that moment. I near ralphed but I REALLY LOVE BAJI! Suddenly my ars didn’t look so bad after-all…at least until he did a farmer’s blow on the street later and blew his nose in the shower the next morning! It’s a deal and hand-shaker breaker!

            1. I understand that when you gotta blow your nose, then you gotta blow your nose. I hate having a stuffy nose. I had one last night and couldn’t sleep. But seriously, not at the dinner table.

  2. Aye, kinda gross. But it always does feel really nice after though. I can finally breath, and then there’s all those clean shower smells that smell really nice too.

    1. and then there’s always the lysol smell I’ve handed you to clean up your own snot before someone else slips onit…not almost slips on it, but slips on it! Just so totally groase, groase, groase, groase, GROASE!

      People, please, wait till you’re out of the shower, it’s as good and nobody gets hurt!!!

  3. I love this! Besides the shower refreshing me mind and body, it feels especially refreshing when I sort out my nose as well! Unfortunately, most of the time, my nose just isn’t ready for the big blow ’til I get out. Since it takes a while for the steam/water to do its job and I’m pretty fast in the shower, I’m often ready to blow just after toweling off. Ooooh, unless I sneeze in the shower, which is terrific and cleans it all out in one fell swoop! In fact, if you pee and blow your nose in the shower, you’ve pretty much cleaned the outside & inside and you’re ready to take on the day! :D LOL! ~ Kathy

  4. This doesn’t work so well if you have a mustache. I’m considering shaving mine just so I can go back to snot rockets

  5. The great thing about blowing your nose in the shower is that you don’t have to worry about clean up, the water washes it all away!

  6. I’ve always wondered why men are drawn to this behaviour, what do you say that I found dried boogies on the tiles of our bathroom, and also on the sink because apparently hubby is hooked on removing dry layers and shaking them off the sink. He said that he flushed them off, but I found them. Grosss, gross, ….what’s it with boogies and men? I hear that girls pee in the shower, I have, but it does wash down easier than snot.

  7. Worst thing you can do is blow your nose. Increases infection, and can back up to ears causing ear infections. Google it.

  8. Had been actually looking for just an average shower enclosures before I discovered this
    web site, didn’t even know there were any such thing as a ‘steam shower
    enclosure’, fantastic, might possibly just have to
    acquire one

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