#784 Celebrity baby names

My old roommate Joey had a theory about names.

“Basically, everybody should get to pick their own,” he said one Sunday morning, lazily sprawled across the couch flipping channels, his pale and hairy belly sticking out of his undershirt. “I mean, why should the biggest part of my personal identity be chosen by somebody else? Sure, you’d have a lot of six-year-olds named Superman, but we’d consider it a placeholder until they changed it to reflect their personality.”

Hot and spicy burps a plenty

He then sealed his airtight argument with a giant belch that filled the room with the smell of midnight gyros and we didn’t talk about it again.

Until now.

It’s been a few years, but I’m starting to wonder if Joey had a point there somewhere. Parents pick your name for you, and sometimes they come up with pretty strange ideas. But is there anything wrong with unique names? Well, maybe, maybe not. For thought-provoking discussion, let’s ask these celebrities:

Isn't she adorable?10. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin – Apple. There’s something a little ripe about naming your kid after a piece of fruit. Just ask my friend Pear Rodriguez.

9. Shannyn Sossamon – Audio Science. Says the actress from A Knight’s Tale in an interview: “We wanted a word, not a name, so my boyfriend read through the dictionary three or four times.” Hey, I guess that works. And maybe one day the little slugger will grow up to be a high-end amplifier. Ba-dum-ching!
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Blast off8. Robert Rodriguez – Rocket, Racer, Rebel, and Rogue. Dad will be so upset if Rocket becomes a plumber instead of developing the team into a band of caped crusaders.
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7. David and Victoria Beckham – Brooklyn and Ashlee Simpson – Bronx. Now, Bronx is a standalone and the plus side of Brooklyn is that it’s easily split into both Brook and Lyn, making both slightly better choices than Staten Island.
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6. George Foreman – George, George, George, George, and George. The Grillman’s kids don’t have strange names, but they do all have the same one. Big George differentiates by number and has also given each a nickname: Monk, Red, Joe, Little George, and Big Wheel.
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5. The Edge – Blue Angel. I guess Lisa, Jennifer, and Sue are automatically out if your name starts with The.
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Tropical and delicious4. Bob Geldof and Paula Yates – Fifi Trixibelle, Little Pixie, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Luscious Tropical Mango. This obviously cranks the fruit-named theme up a few notches. Personally, I think Peaches is pretty sweet, though.
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3. Jason Lee – Pilot Inspektor. Jason says he got the name from a Grandaddy song he likes called “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot.” That explains the Pilot part, anyway. As for Inspektor, we can only assume he was trying to differentiate from all the kids named Inspector.
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Go, go, Gadget Life2. Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty. Talk about leading a royally confusing life. “Did you want pickles on the side, Jermajesty?” Maybe Jermaine should’ve done what brother Michael did with his baby Prince 2, which is give him a more accessible nickname like Blanket.
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1. Frank Zappa – Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva Muffin. Now I can’t be the only person out there who wants to be called Dweezil. Which Zappa would you be?
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Well hey, listen, obviously baby names are getting more creative and celebrities are once again leading the charge. So do you agree with Joey and think we should all just pick our own then? Or do you think these names are beautiful and we should be happy getting what we got?
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All I’m going to say is the jury’s still out, but if you’ve got a name you like, a name that fits you and you fit, then give three cheers and call your folks. After all, they had to make a big pick without you. And if they nailed it, make sure you give them a hug and let them know you’re digging the you-you.
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Parents of the world, naming your newbie seems like a tough gig. For giving it thought and pulling it off so your kids grow old and love what they got, well today we call you
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AWESOME!

19 Comments

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19 responses to “#784 Celebrity baby names

  1. …Wh-what’s happened here? Why am I reading #10 “Apple”, but then there isn’t a #9 through #1?

    Did I… Did I break the internet? o___O

    (Regardless, you know what celebrity names I love? Beyoncé’s little girl, “Blue Ivy”, and Grant Denyer’s daughter, “Sailor”.)

    • Max

      I wish my name was Sailor! Aye, that’d be most awesome indeed. Anyway, I also am confused about that list up there. Numbers 9 through 1 seem to have vanished. Spooky…

    • Lee

      Since 1000 Awesome Things is all re-posted material now, a little snooping uncovered the original ( http://1000awesomethings.com/2009/04/20/784-celebrity-baby-names/ )

      9. Shannyn Sossamon – Audio Science. Says the actress from A Knight’s Tale in an interview: “We wanted a word, not a name, so my boyfriend read through the dictionary three or four times.” Hey, I guess that works. And maybe one day the little slugger will grow up to be a high-end amplifier. Ba-dum-ching!
      .
      8. Robert Rodriguez – Rocket, Racer, Rebel, and Rogue. Dad will be so upset if Rocket becomes a plumber instead of developing the team into a band of caped crusaders.
      .
      7. David and Victoria Beckham – Brooklyn and Ashlee Simpson – Bronx. Now, Bronx is a standalone and the plus side of Brooklyn is that it’s easily split into both Brook and Lyn, making both slightly better choices than Staten Island.
      .
      6. George Foreman – George, George, George, George, and George. The Grillman’s kids don’t have strange names, but they do all have the same one. Big George differentiates by number and has also given each a nickname: Monk, Red, Joe, Little George, and Big Wheel.
      .
      5. The Edge – Blue Angel. I guess Lisa, Jennifer, and Sue are automatically out if your name starts with The.
      .
      4. Bob Geldof and Paula Yates – Fifi Trixibelle, Little Pixie, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Luscious Tropical Mango. This obviously cranks the fruit-named theme up a few notches. Personally, I think Peaches is pretty sweet, though.
      .
      3. Jason Lee – Pilot Inspektor. Jason says he got the name from a Grandaddy song he likes called “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot.” That explains the Pilot part, anyway. As for Inspektor, we can only assume he was trying to differentiate from all the kids named Inspector.
      .
      2. Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty. Talk about leading a royally confusing life. “Did you want pickles on the side, Jermajesty?” Maybe Jermaine should’ve done what brother Michael did with his baby Prince 2, which is give him a more accessible nickname like Blanket.
      .
      1. Frank Zappa – Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva Muffin. Now I can’t be the only person out there who wants to be called Dweezil. Which Zappa would you be?

    • You broke the internet!!

  2. klalota

    Pilot Inspektor still tops the list of most bizarre celebrity baby name I’ve ever heard! Love Jason Lee’s acting, but his child-naming abilities? Not so much.

  3. Pam

    Haha this reminds of some of the segments on The Ellen Degeneres show. This past week she had the audience guess whether a name was a plant name or a baby name and she had a baby name generator to see what Kanye west and Kim kardashians baby’s name will be haha

  4. Celebrities seem to think that their children can’t have similar names with us common folk.
    But in all seriousness, a lot name their kids “normal” names and a lot of random people that aren’t super duper famous give their kids odd names.
    I’d actually rather than than being 1 of 5 Jennifers in my class.

  5. Only celebrity baby names should be used from now on. Because celebs are the smartest people ever.

  6. My brother always planned to name his kids mommy and daddy….haha

  7. wendy

    I REALLY like Joey’s idea!
    I’m about to change my last name to something completely new and I was thinking about enlisting my awesome-mates to help.
    Darling, is my first choice . Then I could say, Yes, as a matter of fact, exactly as in Peter Pan!
    Anybody have a better idea? Be nice now!
    I’ll bet ltbg has a few?!*…

    • You should go with something completely off the wall. I saw on the news a while back where some guy changed his name to Captain Awesome.

      • Wendy

        Oooh! One time Neil said, you can call yourself anything! I like the idea! Why, just the other day studying Epona, I saw Xena and thought, Xena Aurora…strong…awesome! Thanks!

        • Or, if you don’t want to change your entire name, just add an impressive title.

          The Mighty Wendy Aurora.

          The Great and Noble Wendy Aurora.

          The Most Sinister and Terrifying Wendy Aurora, the Next Dark Lord of the Underworld.

          …Rolls off the tongue, no?

          • wendy

            They SO roll of the tongue…totally rock!
            Thanks ladies:)
            There are sure some wild ones in this post; world!
            Imagine looking at your brand new little bundle of joy and calling him George, Bartholemew or Ernest! Or her Bertha, Agnes or Gertrude- Gerdie for short!
            A friend’s son and wife just named their new baby boy, Maximillas Xaviar!
            What has this world come to…

  8. Penn Jillette, from Penn and Teller, named his kid Moxe Crimefighter
    Rob Morrow from the TV show Numbers, named his kid Tu.. as in Tu Morrow..
    Toni Braxton named her son Denim
    John Cougar Mellencamp named his son Speck Wildhorse!!
    Jonathan Davis from the band Korn named his son Pirate
    Jamie Oliver.. the naked chef, named his kid Buddy Bear
    But the 2 that really get to me are 2 that Neil has listed already. Audio Science and Pilot Inspektor. What are these people thinking? Yeah, they are going to grow up in the spotlight and be spoiled beyond all means, but they are soooo going to be made fun of!

    • wendy

      Tu Morrow! My word! BINGO, on the teasing Bekah!
      Omgosh, I’ve just given out another name idea…”and Bingo was his name, oh!”

  9. Steven

    In Germany, “names” like these are not allowed – just saying. (Yes, we miss quite some fun). (We miss nothing, I think).

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