#678 Sneaking cheaper candy into the movie theater

save a few for the featureContraband candy tastes better.

Here’s how to make the magic happen:

Step 1: Bag Up. Large purses come in handy here. Ladies, pull out the fattest potato sack you got and sling it across your shoulder with pride. For everyone else, you can try a bulky backpack or shopping bag. Business folks can pull off the classy briefcase. The only thing to avoid are Matrix-style trench coats with burrito dents in all the inside pockets.

pack it fullStep 2: Food Up. Stuff that puppy with gummy worms, bubble tape, and Cinnabons, baby. If you’re feeling risky, throw a couple cold and slippery cans of soda in there or a bag of microwave popcorn. Know your limits, though. Steamy meatball subs and hot curry dishes are typically for experts only. And nobody pulls off lasagna.

Step 3: Walk Up. Confidence is everything. Hold your head high, strut a mean strut, and you’ll be just fine. No ticket-ripper should say anything, but if you get caught you can always pretend you’re diabetic. “Honestly, this is prescription Everlasting Gobstoppers.”

Step 4: Eat Up. Tear open the bag of chips with your teeth, crack the soda during a gun fight, and shake the Nerds during the Spanish dance sequence. Just get in there and start munching.

Get in there and start crunching.

Get in there and get


(Congrats to Cake Wrecks on their fantastic new book!)

It will take years before you master this move in the back row

Photos from: here and here

9 thoughts on “#678 Sneaking cheaper candy into the movie theater


    However, despite their needless capitalisation, they are all talk. I’ve never once had my bag checked. (If they ever DO check the bag, it’s going to be one embarrassing moment… I have so much outside-food in that thing.)

    1. My theater has a sign that says the same thing, but I’ve never been checked either and its pretty clear that my purse is bulging. I’ve even snuck in some Mcdonalds chicken nuggest before.

  2. I’m a popcorn junkie and sneaking a giant bag of popcorn into the theatre is kinda hard. So I’m destined to a life of theatre rule compliance. Except for the rule about not sneaking alcohol in. Actually, is there a rule against that?

    1. I did that a couple of times! I sneaked in a single-serving sized bottle of wine and it was so freakin’ cool! I felt decadent and sly! I sneak in candy and non-alcoholic bottles of drinks all the time! Part of the fun of the movies is getting away with the sneaking and for a brief time experiencing the rush of a life of crime!

  3. This is a MUST! I can stuff my purse pretty full of candy and even bottles of soda or water. When I have the diaper bag with me… oh, that thing gets packed to the fullest. I’m cheap… I’m not going to pay $3 for a box of candy that I can buy for $0.50 at the store.

  4. I agree completely. The day some teenage punk looks at me and says, “I need to check your bag mam,” is the day I QUIT going to the movie theater. If I was going to a theater that served dinner, or had the lounge recliners like they do, THEN I will pay 3 dollars for a box of candy, but I won’t pay it just to go sit in an uncomfortable sticky ucky mess chair with idiots around me talking on their cell phones, texting, tweeting, being obnoxious, etc etc etc. Back in the day, we were still allowed to smoke in the movie theater, IMAGINE THAT!? ha ha ha

    1. Amen to that. If some kid ever tells me “I’m going to have to check your bag,” the calm reply will be. “No, actually, you’re not going to check my bag.”
      But this has never been a problem at any theatre I’ve ever been to.

  5. i do this every time, why pay four dollars (thats what our theater charges!!!) when i can get BETTER candy at trader joes for a buck fifty. At this point, i am surprised that you are allowed to use the bathroom for free. Also, never buy water at the theater, and don’t bother sneaking it in, you just ask for an empty cup (they can’t charge you for that) and fill it up in the bathroom. I’ve been doing it for years, and I’m surprised how many people I know will pay two bucks for WATER.

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