They’re tall and there’s nothing they can do about it except learn to live with their crazy tallness. For this reason, we respect them and think they’re cool.
If you’re really, really tall, you feel it, because this is your life:
•Everyone hates you at movies and concerts. Sure, you get a decent sightline, but at what price? Everybody in the room resents you and you have to put up with constant shuffling behind you and people saying things like “Oh great, I’m stuck behind Stilts here.”
•Guaranteed back pain. Duck into a car and lean over to tie your shoes enough times and you’ll eventually score some sharp, shooting pains in that lower lumbar.
•Hard to date people. Well, not hard, but complicated. I mean, would you date someone really, really tall? If not, you see the problem here.
• You are forced to play basketball. Doesn’t matter if you like it, doesn’t matter if you don’t — you just have to play. Also, if you’re no good, you’ll never hear the end of it, and if you are good, people will say it’s just because you’re really, really tall.
•People always want you to get stuff from the top shelf. And guess what else you get when you pull down that giant soup pot nobody’s used in two years? That’s right: a big faceful of dust, that’s what. Hope you’re not allergic.
• You’re always hitting your head on everything. If you’re really, really tall, you know what I mean, because your skull is full of spider cracks from chandeliers, basement stairwells, and overhead bins on airplanes.
•Life is more expensive. Because raiseable desks, extra-long pants, and King-sized mattresses aren’t cheap, bro. You know that and I know that.
It really is a tough life.
So next time you see a really, really tall person, break out the empathy. Remember: they’re tall and there’s nothing they can do except learn to live with their crazy tallness. In this upside-down and inside-out world, that’s worth something. So throw them a smile and a nod, a solid high-ten, or just some quiet respect.