Ding!
AWESOME!
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Category: Awesome Things
#837 Pushing those waxy little buttons on the soft drink cup lid
Cola, Diet, RB, or other.
When we were kids, my sister and I carefully pushed those little plastic buttons every time we scored a meal at McDonald’s. We pushed Cola if we had cola, RB if we had root beer, and Other if we were sucking back some McDonald’s orange drink, which was our usual.
Honestly, we thought there was a big Garbage Survey at the end of the day and every customer had to punch their button to send in feedback. We figured some poor McDonald’s employee stuck his arm shoulder-deep in that bag of lettuce scraps drenched in Big Mac sauce, assorted ice-cream cone bottoms, and greasy French Fry containers to pull out all the cup lids. Then we imagined he arranged them in tipsy, drippy piles and counted up how many of each sold that day, quickly tabulating the results on a clipboard and calling them into head office so they knew how many batches to make for tomorrow.
Kids, huh?
Anyway, these days every time I enjoy a fine dine at a fast food joint, I still make sure I take lots of napkins, swivel in my chair, and press those little buttons on the drink cup lid.
There’s just something about the way they give, the way they turn white, and the way they’re permanently transformed for all eternity that just makes me itch for it.
It’s just compulsive. It’s just instinct.
It’s just
AWESOME!
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#838 That smell of freshly cut grass
Fresh cut grass smells like twilight in the countryside, a football game about to start at the park, or a sunny Saturday morning in the suburbs. So whether you’re driving down a dusty farm road while the sun sets, stretching before the whistle blows, or putting your lawnmower back in the shed after criss-crossing your lot, well … just stop for a second, flare your nostrils real big, tip your head back real far, and take a big whiff, baby.
Because oh yeah.
AWESOME!
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#839 Getting really good candy with your bill at a restaurant
Mints are mints.
Sure, they can be circle or square, chewy or hard, powdery or smooth, but they’re still mints, man. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
But after a fat meal with friends, when your body’s Food-Chomping Engine is revving for some afterburn, there’s nothing sweeter than getting a surprise treat with your bill. Because let’s face it, paying for the meal is no fun. There’s all the who ordered what, all the mental math acrobatics, and all the tipping awkwardness. Plus, all this post-meal hub-bub happens at a cloudy table full of Garlic Breath and Beermouth.
Yeah, we need something to lighten the mood and the stench around here. Something like a handful Andes chocolates, a spoonful of candy-coated fennel seeds, or some good old-fashioned lollipops.
AWESOME!
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#840 Popping the hell out of Bubble Wrap
Okay, trivia time.
What were the two inventors of Bubble Wrap trying to make instead of packaging material back in 1957 at the Sealed Air Corporation? Take a guess and let’s see what you got (answer below).
For the patient folks, let’s chat for a moment about the different ways to do the deed:
1. Olde Time Classic. Your average pop. Just squeezing it in your hands with a satisfied smile on your face. Nothing flashy here, folks. Just a thumb, some fingers, and lots of satisfying pops.
2. The Big Bang. A trickier move, this one requires delicately wrapping the unpopped bubble wrap into a tight ball or Bubble Cube, and then, in one quick move, just hugging the whole thing against your body really hard. Try to do this before 10pm so you don’t wake the neighbors.
3. Walk This Way. You’ll need a large piece of bubble wrap for this one, likely from a new TV or fridge that got delivered to your house. Just pull the wrap out, lay it down on the floor, take off your socks, and … just walk all over it. Walk back and forth, walk in circles, just don’t stop walking, don’t stop popping. When the pops slow down you may have to inspect it closely for any leftover bubbles. I say jump on those ones.
4. The Virtual Pop. Crank up the sound and get your pop on, people.
5. The Twister. Just hold it in front of you, roll it up like a carpet, and twist your hands in different directions really hard. When you’re done, you’ll have a nice flat well-popped piece in the center of your wrap, and you’ll have to move on to a new section.
6. Mini-Pops. Sometimes you expect to pull out a big, fat mess of bubble wrap and out comes a thin, little sheet of mini-bubbles instead. But sometimes that’s all you get, man. So do a few mini-pops and enjoy it.
My friends, loudly popping bubble wrap is a great joy in life. It’s a satisfying stress relief, a fun surprise, and a rare little moment to act like a kid during a boring day at the office or while unpacking after a hectic move.
So, aren’t you glad they made Bubble Wrap into packing material and not textured wallpaper instead?
AWESOME!
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#841 When the Jeopardy! categories are right in your wheelhouse
I’m not great at the game myself, so my dream categories would be:
Jeopardy Round
Rhymes with Brown
At The Supermarket
Name That Ocean
Hot Dog Toppings
Halloween Animals
Types of Pants
Double Jeopardy
Served With Fries
Vowels
Adding and Subtracting
Sports Ending With “Ball”
Google Logo Colors
How Many Wheels?
Final Jeopardy
One-letter words
AWESOME!
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#842 When the socks from the dryer all match up perfectly without that one random sock remaining
Peeling apart that static-covered clump of socks is tense.
First you yank them from the dryer and dump the hot haystack on the bed. Then you start pairing up the easy ones — reconnecting brown argyle husbands with brown argyle wives and red-striped brothers with red-striped sisters. It’s free and easy love all around.
But then it happens.
You hit that big pile of white or black leftover socks and matching gets tough. You’re inspecting patterns and heel placements, checking textures and fades, all the while hoping, just hoping, that everything will work out fine.
As you approach the last few socks you do a quick mental count. You’re like a parent inspecting a newborn baby for ten little fingers and ten little toes, only all you’re looking for is whether or not you’ve got an even number of socks left on the bedspread.
If you do, and if they all match up perfectly, then you’re loving it. There are no missing tube socks or disappearing dress socks. Everything is locked and loaded, so you just put them all together, take that basket of well-worn lovers to the dresser, and dump them all in with a big smile on your face.
AWESOME!
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#843 Getting out of the car and stretching after a really long trip
I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with U.
If you guessed Uncomfortably Long Car Trip, you got it, baby.
Yes, maybe you’re in a Backseat Squeeze for hours, one leg on each side of the Floor Hump, your bladder clenched tightly, holding on for dear life. Or maybe you’re slouching in shotgun in a blissful Game Boy Cocoon, headphones in your ears, video game system in your lap. Or maybe you’re driving the boat, steering the ship, mind on the road, eyes on the mirrors, just navigating carefully through the dangerous world of steep curves and sharp swerves.
Whatever your situation, it sure does feel good when that tired car finally rolls to a slow stop at a fast-food joint or gas station.
That’s when you pop open the door and just stretch like you’ve never stretched before. Arms out, arms up, way up to the sky, just popping that back and twisting that neck in all directions while saying oooOOO a lot. Maybe squeeze up onto your tippy-toes, and feel the burn rise up your legs, those cold, clenched muscles getting a hot slap wake-up call. Yes, you can feel your hamstrings stretch long, stretch hard, crying out with tears of joy as freedom rings again.
Plus you finally get to pee.
AWESOME!
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#844 When celebrities show up on Sesame Street
Celebrities tell you how to get, how to get to Sesame Street.
Let’s count down a dozen of the best walk-ons:
12. James Taylor’s Jelly Man Kelly. In this classic clip from 1979, folksy James Taylor sings a campfire tune with the help of some enthusiastic kids and a big guy on a big tuba. He turned out to be a Sesame Street regular, also dueting with Oscar in That Grouchy Face (a spoof of That Smiling Face), and singing Up On The Roof, up on a roof.
11. Feist teaches counting basics. Singer-songwriter Feist does a walk-on in August, 2008 teaching kids to count to four. “1-2-3-4, monsters walking ‘cross the floor. I love coun-ting, counting to the number four.”
10. Overruling Law & Order. File this one away in the dusty trivia bin in your brain: Sesame Street and Law and Order actually share a studio in Queens, New York. Yeah, seriously. As a result, many actors in each show have done cameos in the other. Sesame Street upped the ante in 2006 when it debuted the Special Letter Unit spoof. Watch it and you’ll be saying “chung chung” forever.
9. Larry King phones one in. In an Abbott and Costello-esque routine from 2004, Larry King hosts the Letter W and takes callers from Wabasha, Wichita, and Wala Wala. Worth it for the crooked glasses and messy hair at the end.
8. Norah Jones missing her Y. Norah Jones sings a sad cover of Don’t Know Why in 2004, where she talks about how her Letter of the Day pal ‘Y’ failed to show up when he said he would. Seems she’s taking it pretty personally, too. “We used spelled great words together. Now I can’t spell ‘anything.‘”
7. Neil Patrick Harris as The Shoe Fairy. In this acid-inspired showtune sing-a-long from August, 2008, Doogie Howser floats and flies around Sesame Street snapping and popping pairs of possessed shoes onto everybody’s feet. Keep an eye out for the Doctor or you may find yourself bowling melons or mopping sidewalks with your feet. If you want to skip the plot buildup, scroll a few minutes into this clip for the jazzy number.
6. Robert De Niro on how to be an actor. Bob pokes fun at himself and pretends to be a dog and a cabbage while teaching Elmo about acting. Features the classic De Niro line “Hey, look at me, I’m a cabbage. Good source of riboflavin.”
5. Tony Bennett crooning with Big Bird. In 1998, Tony sings about Slimey the Worm’s heart-wrenching voyage to the moon in a Fly Me To The Moon cover. And hey, if you like this one, be sure to check out his 1995 walk-on song about how big the little things in life can be. Tony, we’re right there with you, buddy.
4. Robin Williams goes nuts. In a classic Robin Williams moment in 2000, he plays almost fifteen characters in just over a minute to teach Elmo about what he can do with a stick. It’s a short, captivating bit showing the magic of imagination. Just try to focus on that, not his shirt.
3. Stevie Wonder jamming in the Street. An old 1973 street party clip featuring Stevie Wonder and his band jamming Superstition with a pile of kids dancing on the fire escape. A spinning six minutes from over thirty-five years ago.
2. James Blunt crying about geometry. In a great parody of his popular tune You’re beautiful, James tears up as he wistfully mourns his long lost triangular love. Watch as his mournful memories cut to smoky scenes from the discotheque and when Telly Monster chimes in with a great line about the hypotenuse. Math jokes at their finest, people.
1. Andrea Bocelli sings Elmo to sleep. Your heart might melt a bit over this soaring 2005 lullaby as long as you aren’t creeped out by the grizzled, crooning tenor hanging out at Elmo’s bedside. A classic scene about enjoying tomorrow.
Hard as it may be to believe, Sesame Street is now ramping up to nearly forty seasons on the boob tube. Yes, Big Bird has proven Mr. Snuffleupagus exists, Oscar’s mellowed out a little, and even though the Cookie Monster still loves cookies, he now considers them a Sometimes Food.
For kids and parents alike, there’s something special about seeing celebrities cool it down a notch, ham it up a notch, and just let themselves hang out there on daytime television. Because maybe these celebrity appearances just remind us all of sunny days, sweeping the, clouds away. They take us away, to where that air is sweet.
And they help us all forget, forget life without Sesame Street.
AWESOME!
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