#575 When the guy with a full cart of groceries lets you go ahead because you’re only buying one thing

There you are holding a dozen eggs behind a guy slow-rolling a fat shopping cart stuffed with frozen pizzas, cases of soda, and piles of produce in plastic bags. But just as your eyes start skimming the tabloid headlines and you steady yourself for a long wait, he peeks back and notices your tiny purchase and offers you the next spot in line.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like helping out an insect struggling to do something, any bite where there’s more chocolate than cookie in the chocolate chip cookie, and cutting your sandwich into triangles. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Photo from: here

#576 Appreciating the beauty of all your body’s scars and scratches

My friend Joey got his face ripped off last week.

Yeah, while staring at his cheek in the mirror a few months back he noticed a a small rubbery bump below the surface of his skin. Few months, few phone calls, few appointments later he found himself under the knife in a five-hour surgery getting a chestnut sized tumor slowly untied and airlifted out of a knotty nest of nerves in a high stakes game of Operation.

Thankfully he’s okay and he’s all better and he’s managed to bounce over a pretty bumpy hill in life. We were all pretty nervous but he’s come out clean on the other side.

Plus, now he’s got a crazy scar from his ear down to his neck to show for it.

And sure, over the years the stitches will drop out, hair might grow over, and the lines on his face could slowly fade away. But he’s really got a reminder every day of how lucky he is to be alive. He added some dents and scratches to his life story.

And unless you’re a baby-powder-smelling ball of smooth skin and giggles, I’m betting your flesh and bones is covered with some gashes, scratches, scabs and stains, too.

Maybe it’s that fleshy scar on your hand from the eighth grade fistfight. You were on the bus back from shop class throwing pockets of sawdust around when tempers flared and a couple headlocks later you tripped and hit the ground.

Maybe it’s the ghost of that Giant Zit of ’97 on your forehead. Did you squeeze it too hard before prom and end up with a bad cover-up job? If so, maybe you can still find your old friend in that photo album, wedged tightly between up-dos, wrist corsages, and freshly pressed tuxes.

Maybe it’s a blurry tattoo you got with distant friends you don’t speak to anymore. You were young, you were graduating, you wanted a memento of getting through a tough year together. And you got it.

It’s the zippery line up your groin from the hernia, the tingly bump in your collarbone from the monkey bars, or the big birthmark on your back you’ve hidden under bathing suits for years.

But whatever yours are, wherever yours are, and however you got them, one thing’s for sure: your bumps and scratches are part of your life and part of your story. They’re part of your lows… and part of your glories. Yes, they’re memories of bad decisions and reminders of good ones. And they all come together in a nicely wrapped package that we like to call… you.

See, we’re all a bit bent, we’re all a bit busted, we’re all a bit broken, we’re all bit rusted. Underneath all the crinkly jeans and wrinkly shirts are beautifully personal collections of hairy legs, scratchy scars, and spotty skin.

So take a second to stop today and love all your scabs and patches. Just kiss those moles and rub those bumps and smile at all your scratches.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like when everything you’re cooking gets done at the same time, your birthday week, and that person who brings treats into work on Friday. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Photos from: here, here, and here

#577 Looking at the clock and seeing that it’s 12:34

When this happens it’s like your day is winking at you. It sort of feels like all the mysteries of the world are about to unfold before your eyes as the universe puts up its hand and says “Hey, stop for a second!”

Also applies to 11:11.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like how messy your face is after eating shawarma, going through a revolving door without having to push, and seeing kids reading in the hallway. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Photo from: here

#578 Correctly guessing the actor voicing the animated movie character

Everybody loves cartoons.

Ain’t it fun cuddling up under the blanket or plopping down on the plushy seats and getting absorbed in the tall tales about lost clown fish, tough-talking great white sharks, or Parisian sewer rats with dreams of becoming five-star chefs?

Yes, after the movie starts rolling and you fall into the cartoon fantasy, there’s always that moment where a new character enters the story and starts stealing the scene. And everyone recognizes the voice and everyone knows the voice, but without a visual it’s tough guessing which big name star’s sweating in the dark studio holding crumpled sheets of printed lines wearing giant Princess Leia head phones.

That’s why it’s great when the electrons suddenly go boom in someone’s brain and they jump up and scream out a name. Then everyone smiles and laughs and breathes a big sigh of recognition relaxation. Oh sure, sometimes there’s online fact-checking or the occasional wait-till-the-credits confirmation, but how sweet is it when someone just shouts it out and totally nails it?

Pretty sure we all know the answer to that.

AWESOME!

Today’s the day!!!!!!

Our Book of Awesome comes out today — December 6, 2022 — wherever books are sold!!!!

Photos from: here and here

#579 Eating the ice cream stuck to lid of the carton

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

Yes, in terms of Kitchen Anticipation not much compares with yanking out a steaming, freeze-chilled carton of cold n’ creamy from the back of the freezer. Bowls hit the table, spoons clink on the countertop, and the carton starts frosting up as you peel back the lid.

Stare deep into the light pink swirls, cookie dough chunks, or vanilla bean dust looking up at you, but before you plant your spoon deep into the silky smooth layer, make sure you scrape off the milky fresh and creamy soft bit stuck to the bottom of the carton.

It’s your ice cream appetizer.

AWESOME!

Hey everyone! After a 10-year-awesome hiatus I have a brand new 432-page hardcover BOOK OF AWESOME coming out on December 6, 2022 from Simon&Schuster. It is my tenth book or journal since 2010. I am deeply grateful for your support. You can check it out right here.

Illustrations from: here

#580 Finding that chopped off fingernail that sailed across the room before anyone else does

Stepping on someone else’s sharp, jabby toenail shard is a painful and disgusting moment. Basically, it has the same creep-out factor as poking a dead bee laying in your windowsill or accidentally crushing a hollow, dusty skull on your tour through the catacombs.

Now, on the other hand, when your toenail suddenly blasts off into outer living room and you manage to find that nearly invisible sucker hiding in the shaggy carpet, well that’s a pretty great feeling.

Good work, Sherlock Toenail.

You cracked the case.

AWESOME!

Hey everyone! After a 10-year-awesome hiatus I have a brand new 432-page hardcover BOOK OF AWESOME coming out on December 6, 2022 from Simon&Schuster. It is my tenth book or journal since 2010. I am deeply grateful for your support. You can check it out right here.

Photo from: here

#581 Looking at all the hair on the floor after you just got a haircut

It’s just so satisfying to look down at the clumps of hair shards covering the floor of the salon and think to yourself “That just came off of me!” Of course, the runner up to this feeling is when you notice a big hair haystack clinging for dear life onto your slippery nylon apron and then you just flick your fingers underneath it so it slides slowly down to its doom.

AWESOME!

Hey everyone! After a 10-year-awesome hiatus I have a brand new 432-page hardcover BOOK OF AWESOME coming out on December 6, 2022 from Simon&Schuster. It is my tenth book or journal since 2010. I am deeply grateful for your support. You can check it out right here.

Photo from: here

#582 When the guy at the deli counter gives you a free taste

Walk into a grocery store and you’re surrounded by freshly misted lettuce, bubbling lobster tanks, and hot croissants rolling out of the oven. With your pupils dilated and mouth watering, there’s nothing finer than rolling your crookedy-wheel cart by the deli counter and making some subtle eye contact with the deli man.

Yeah, you know it and they know it: when you’re surrounded by fresh food in all directions you suddenly start jonesing for a fix. So you press your hands on the curved glass and gaze longingly at the giant hunks of pink and salty goodness shining at you from under the bright lights.

Then you know what you gotta do: make your order, reach your hands out, and get ready for those thinly shaved slices of salami to touch your tongue and send you on a trip far, far away.

AWESOME!

Hey everyone! After a 10-year-awesome hiatus I have a brand new 432-page hardcover BOOK OF AWESOME coming out on December 6, 2022 from Simon&Schuster. It is my tenth book or journal since 2010. I am deeply grateful for your support. You can check it out right here.

Photo from: here

#583 Drawing on steamy mirrors with your fingers

Peel back that mildewy curtain and let’s get down to business.

Freshly soaped and squeaky clean your wet n’ steamy self towels dry and rolls on some Stink-B-Gone deodorant. But just before you pop from the hot steamroom into the goosebumpy hallway, it’s time to stop for a moment and be a finger-painting Picasso.

Yes, for a minute let the blurry morning haze and the upcoming stresses of school or work melt down and fade away as you start streaking your fingers up and down the steamy glass.

Crowds slowly gather at this stormy seashore and look over your shoulder as you calmly and quickly paint pretty pictures on your cliffside easel. Soon clouds part and the sun glimmers off the distant ocean waves as strangers stop walking their dogs, kids peek over from the ball diamond, and old folks hold hands and smile as you whip up masterpiece after masterpiece. Images pop up as they ooh and ahh — it’s a happy face, a heart, a house with smoke coming out the chimney, or a love letter waiting for the next person to have a shower.

Sure, in a few minutes the mirror fades to clear and your paintings drift away. But for an instant you’re a naked artist, brushing up against greatness, fame, and a cluttery bathroom counter.

AWESOME!

Hey everyone! After a 10-year-awesome hiatus I have a brand new 432-page hardcover BOOK OF AWESOME coming out on December 6, 2022 from Simon&Schuster. It is my tenth book or journal since 2010. I am deeply grateful for your support. You can check it out right here.

Photos from: here, here, here, and here

#584 That one email account you use for all your spam

Sorry, you need my email address?

Sure, no problem open house real estate agent, clothing store mailing list, or random membership-required website.

Hit me up at idontcheckthisaccount @sorryaboutthat.com

AWESOME!

Hey everyone! After a 10-year-awesome hiatus I have a brand new 432-page hardcover BOOK OF AWESOME coming out on December 6, 2022 from Simon&Schuster. It is my tenth book or journal since 2010. I am deeply grateful for your support. You can check it out right here.

Photo from: here