My brother, if your hand is up right now, you are not alone.
See, I’m a bit clumsy in the kitchen, too. My oven burners are covered in burnt sauce stains, my sink drains are full of slithery, rainbow-colored bits of last night’s dinner, and my Tupperware cupboard looks like the Tasmanian Devil’s mudroom.
And add to these issues my apparent love of yanking entire sheets of aluminum foil clear out of the box. Honestly, I just give a little tug and out pops the entire roll, hitting the floor and rolling away while laughing its trademark crackly metallic laugh.
Yeah, just tell me that’s not a pathetic scene: cut to freeze-frame of tired-looking man in bedhead and sweatpants holding the edge of aluminum foil in one hand and an empty box in the other, then slowly pan down to a floor covered in a thick, shiny snake of metal crinkled across the floor.
Folks, the only thing that looks worse is the fat, crumpled rolled-back-up roll half-stuffed in the box after you tried to put it back together again.
Yes, we’ve all been there.
But guess what? High tens around the room, because there is hope for People Like Us. Shockingly, I have recently discovered those little tabs on the side of the aluminum foil box that hold the roll in place! Believe it, food preservation fans, because they truly exist.
Yes, the little tabs on the side of the aluminum foil box can be indented so they anchor the roll in the box. Honestly, it’s a jaw-dropping discovery — like finding out your new apartment gets free Wireless or realizing there’s a little arrow in your car that tells you where to find your gas hole.
Now, whenever it was, whenever it is, whenever it will be: how good does it feel when you first discover those little tabs yourself? Give it up for a pretty good buzz.
So join me today as we give thanks to that modern miracle of the kitchen cupboard: those little tabs on the side of the aluminum foil box.
Also on Saran Wrap.