#7 That feeling in your stomach after a really big dump

We’re all just twisted messes.

Sure, you might look fine in your pleated pants and your frilly dresses, but beneath all that we’re just twisted messes. Brown slippery organs, brittle bones, and bubbling blood cramp every tight little space in your body’s homeplace, fool.

Sometimes you can’t help feel stuffed.

Yes, sometimes you can’t help notice how cramped, full, and heavy you feel — after a long night at the bar or a couple Big Mac meals. When you’re carrying a big load and dragging that heavy sack I’m saying nothing feels as good as getting home… and getting unpacked.

Yes, that feeling in your stomach after a really big dump feels like you’re suddenly reborn into a new, improved version of yourself. Your stomach muscles twist “thank you” waves, your brain floats sky high, and Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s theme song trumpet-blasts in your head as you wash your hands, smile in the mirror, and return to the dinner table with a big smile pasted on your face.


112 thoughts on “#7 That feeling in your stomach after a really big dump

  1. hahahahahahahahahaha!
    Love it!
    even though your blog is just about to end, you still find room for a classic & very funny post!
    it is a great feeling indeed!
    oh and by the way – I’m gunna have macho man stuck in my head for the rest of the day! :)

      1. I CAN’T be the only one thinking of The Phantom of the Opera now, can I? You know… DUUUUH! Duh duh duh duh DUUUUUUUUUUH! …No? Anyways, great post.

        On another note, I’ve been reading this blog for ages yet this is my first time commenting. I was too… Shy before, I guess. Anyways, really love this blog!

  2. that’s why I love this blog…that 13-yr old boy is hiding somewhere, always ready for a bodily fluid related joke!

  3. LMAO! I always wonder how all of that fit inside of tiny old me.

    Know what feels ever better? Throwing up your guts after feeling nauceous. It’s like instant relief feeling that there is nothing left to come up.

      1. Same here…I’m still not sure exactly what gets a tick, but this seems like an implied one. So, how many ticks is that exactly? Official tally? Someone DID keep an official tally, right? Who kept count?

            1. It’s the worst when you’ve got a stomach bug and still feel like puking after you’ve puked – but when that time finally ends and you can down some yummy vegemite toast, that’s just the best feeling. It’s like you’ve awarded yourself this piece of toast because you’ve beaten the bug!

    1. I have a fancy new bathroom scale that measures by the 10th of a pound. I’m not saying that I’ve weighed myself before and after, but yes, you are lighter! ;)

      1. I have a bunch of funny notes/cards/things from my freshman year of college that I’ve kept hanging on one of the insides of my closet doors at my parents house (I hung them the summer after freshman year and there they have remained), and one of them is a note from one of my friends from down the hall who was always coming in to leave random notes for me. It says something along the lines of, “PHEW! I don’t know where you are, but I just came back from the bathroom. It was a good one. I personally feel that shitting is one of the best ways to lose weight! See you later!”

        Graphic, maybe. Hilarious, YES.

  4. Yes, this definitely deserves a spot on the top 10! One of the most amazinf feelings ever! I ususally feel like i’ve droppee a few kilos!
    Neil, who’s going to make us laugh in the morning like that now that this is about to end?:(

        1. Haha thanks guys ! Even if it’s only through the internet , i feel that Neil and all the people here are real friends :)

  5. Hahaha!!! I am in love!!! You can’t believe how on point this is!!!

    I actually several hours ago had a big mac meal and the dump of relief after my guts were giving me grief: then I long into blogger and find this. You can’t make it up! For you sir, I award 5 gold stars for your accuracy and sense of humour!!! :-)


  6. #7 is the perfect spot for a totally non-serious post about poop! One last big lol to add to this amazing blog before wrapping it up with six very deep and thought-provoking posts. That is just how I predict this blog will end, and I love thinking that it will be that way. It seems perfect.

    Indeed, big dumps are awesome. I was hoping, at first, that the title would end up being some witty pun and not be referencing fecal matter release at all. After reading and reflecting on my most recent poo for a moment, I had to agree with you. Very nicely written and illustrated, and great choice of background music!

          1. A friend gave me a big “stack” of e-books, and one of them is called “Apocalypse Troll.” It just got moved to the top of the reading list.

          2. I use to collect troll dolls. That’s what I always picture when people are talking about internet trolls…. these big bellied, crazy hair, big ears orange dolls…Yeah…

  7. Whew, thanks for a respite from the tears. A well-timed poop post is just what the therapist ordered! As one currently taking pain meds which slow the progress of said unnpacking, this post is well-timed as I finally unpacked today after an extended wait. I swear, I thought I should name it, that’s how bad it was! OMG, I just grossed myself out! LOL!

        1. Of course it’s related to your square! Sheesh, I don’t normally associate you with “unpacking” as far as you know. Well, except for ticking. Oh, and colons, too, and baby diapers. OK, actually I guess I DO associate you with unpacking! ;)

  8. I just checked out that Quotidian Poo blog…it’s about someone’s daily “unpacking!” LMAO! Talk about a simple and to-the-point little site! If that guy gets a book deal…

  9. Neil… You… What…. I don’t even know! All I can say is that you are very informative of how you feel… I just feel relieved! *imagines what it feels like to be reborn after a big poo…* … Ew. xD

    1. HAHAHA.. Thanks, Lizzie!

      Who knew that I’d have suffer through having a poop-colored square for some 990+ posts, only to have it all pay off in the top 7..

      Thanks for making it all worthwhile, Neil!

  10. LOL! Yet another reason I love this blog, cause even though some may be shouting, TMI!!!!!!!!!!!, I’m just laughing, cause even that personal bodily function stuff is awesome, just no one ever mentions it. And yes, unloading is a great feeling!

    1. I agree! People can “TMI” all they want, but let’s be real: who HASN’T experienced this feeling of awesome?? Whether you’re willing to admit it or not, you know it’s great. So great, in fact, that I mass texted a link to today’s post to all the people in my phone who I knew would appreciate it, and I was met with resounding “AWESOME!”s. :)

  11. LOL!! Were you trying to steer clear of all the tears today?
    One of the worst feelings?….. that trip to the bathroom that seems like it takes you forever when you really gotta go.
    My daughter was complaining just last night about her brother. “Well… how come he gets to use the bathroom whenever he wants?” Because he wears diapers and isn’t potty trained yet. “That’s not fair!” Wow… I think my 7 year old would still like to wear a diaper just so she can have the option of going whenver she wants.

    1. Oh… and hey guys… if anyone is going to be there tonight when Neil announces what #1 is going to be… don’t tell me. I want to be surprised next week when he posts it.

        1. Ahh, lucky you! Will be awaiting details about the evening, though I do look forward to being surprised by first viewing #1 right here at midnight that evening while sampling some of that crap Freddo loves. Maybe I’ll drink a glass o’ chocolate milk as well.

        2. I’ve never wanted to live in Canada more than I have over the past few years, what with all the awesome going on up there. Also, the post on Canada really sold me. I’m packing my winter gear and moving north! ;D

  12. ha ha ha ha ha, I give this post a top ten tick! (I’m going to ASSUME that these dumps are taking place in a BATHROOM. If not, then we’ve got a whole different set of problems here.)

    Literally, when I logged in and saw the title, my hand shot up over my mouth in horror, and I thought, “Oh, no, he didn’t just say that!” But I totally agree with all the earlier commenters, that it is the perfect antidote to all the tear-jerking posts, and if I’m honest with myself, I was really hoping for a top ten tick. Boo-yah!

        1. Hahaha good on ya :D The only reason I came here to comment (even after being unable to for 3 days) was because it is a top 10 post, and that means automatic comment, and to say that I laughed and to remind you to tick this off on your list :P Should have known you would be able to get it yourself! I fear, Jdurley, that you are going to win this contest between bathroom and baby… ahh well, all’s well that ends well. I just said ‘well’ three times. Now four. Byebye x

  13. Henceforth, whenever I hear Macho Man’s entrance music (Pomp and Circumstance by Sir Edward Elgar); I shall be calling it Poop and Circumstance….

  14. After making me cry, you made me laugh so hard. HAHAHAHA. I guess I’ll save my emotional post for another day.

  15. Ahhh. I should have braced for this post! :)
    But speaking of dirt! There’s a saying I take a lot closer to heart these days. (Clearly, out of respect, I have to change the original animal name) but it goes like this
    “If you’re going to wrestle with a (fill in your choice of animals here), wear jeans and brace yourself because you’ll get dirty and the (same animal) will like it!”
    Forget the car. Now that we’re all filthy and lying on the pen floor, is there someone brave enough to take the bull by the horns and salvage the day before this beautiful opportunity passes us all by? Blue perhaps? :)

        1. Always thought, “What a “waste” of money that meal was!
          Then professor protein turned 25 to a “turd”% into this and my view on recycling and eating worms have been forever changed…

          *Yeh, made it back in time for the final count-down!*

  16. Thank you! Thank you! I was having a craptastic day and this cheered me right up. There is nothing wrong with being proud of this awesome feeling!!!!

  17. So, I just found your blog after Postsecret mentioned. I’ve read the entire thing from 1000 to here in the past two days at work. It’s amazing. I wish I’d been here from the start, but at least I’ll get to see the end… and that’s AWESOME

    1. You must be very productive at work then ay Liz… I think you should go back to answering phone calls and filing darl…


    P.S. I’ve read this blog off-and-on for quite sometime… catching up inbetween… Thank you for such a gem to help us appreciate such awesome things in life!

  19. Yeahhhh there’s an electronic scale in my bathroom and I’m not gonna lie– I’ve weighed myself B.D. and A.D (Before Dump and After Dump). Definitely awesome to sometimes magically lose a couple pounds without even having had to diet or exercise at all! ;P

  20. Oh, yeah, you know it, baby! My tummy flattens and that feeling of empty, hollowness in my gut after I’ve rid myself of all that nasty waste is awesome, indeed!

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