#534 Catching food in your mouth

Toss it mean and catch it clean.

Drop that jaw, tilt that head, and let’s get down to business:

• Level 1: Pop Practice. It’s important to start small with popcorn. There are no penalties for misses here, since the corn is light and doesn’t collect much dust if it hits the ground. This is a baby step and it will take time to master, but it’s an important rite of passage before hitting the next levels. (Note: In some circles, this level also covers marshmallows, Cheerios, and Corn Pops.) 5 points.

• Level 2: The Grape Beyond. Yup, next step is big ol’ grapes. Usually someone on the other end of the movie couch is munching on the vine in their own little bowl. If you’re feeling a bit hungry, simply drop your mouth and tap the couch cushion while saying ‘Uhn! Uhnnnnn!’ to get their attention. Soon a cold, hard grape should be flying fast at you. If the toss is good you should catch it perfectly. Other fruits like raspberries and strawberries fit here as well. 10 points.

• Level 3: Dog On A Bone. This extremely advanced move involves catching something larger than your actual mouth. An apple, peeled orange, or corn on a cob are good targets. You need to time the molar chomp perfectly and be prepared for embarrassing T-shirt stains and a black eye. 25 points.

Yes, when you catch food in your mouth you’re suddenly sitting high on top of the snack-eating universe. You’ve just combined equal parts laziness and athletic ability in a daring couch potato feat the likes of which this family room has never seen before. So when you nail it smoothly you know what to do.

Chomp it loud.

Chew it proud.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

1,494 thoughts to “#534 Catching food in your mouth”

  1. Finding a favorite piece of candy hidden in the corner of the bag before you throw it away

  2. Cream cheese.

    My philosophy is that any food with cream cheese in it is automatically fantastic. Come on. Try to think of something with cream cheese in it that isn’t good. Yup. I thought so. You can’t do it. Because cream cheese is awesome.

  3. The way you can run your finger through a candle or lighter flame without getting burned.

    I’m gonna be honest. The first time I saw this, waaaaay back, many moons ago, watching some kid play with the Advent candles in Sunday school, it blew my mind. He was just repeatedly running his finger through the flame. No crying. No melting flesh. No burn marks. “How is this happening?” I thought. I wanted to try it, but I was unsure. Maybe he knew a secret I didn’t or had some kind of God-pact workin’ in his favor. We were in a church, after all. I didn’t have the guts to do it then, because if things went awry, I’d have felt so dumb. Later that night, in the safety of our kitchen, I gave it a go. And it. was. awesome!

    1. I’m such a pyromaniac, that this was so amazing to me.

      Also, burning forks in a fire and making the prongs curl up just right. But maybe that’s just me.

  4. Fitting a movie quote perfectly into conversation. And then having someone recognize it. AWESOME.

  5. Chocolate.

    Not trying to be the stereotypical Girl Who Loves and Craves Chocolate here, but man, that stuff’s good. Not just the flavor, either. If you’re into dark chocolate, we’re talking endorphins and antioxidants, too. I’m not saying you should replace your daily supplements with a candy bar, but hey — if you’re gonna eat it anyway, might as well enjoy a few benefits, too! SO awesome!

    1. I’m gonna go a bit further and say Lindt truffles. Or Ghiradeli. That stuff is legit.

  6. SOBE Bombs.

    For those of you who are not pyromaniacs, you may not know what this is. Essentially, it is a glass bottle (you know the SOBE drinks? They are the perfect glass bottles for this, hence the name SOBE bombs), filled with gasoline, and thrown into a bonfire. This creates a twenty-foot flame shooting up, illuminating the sky and nearly blinding you for a few seconds. Its. so. awesome.

  7. Taking off your socks underneath the covers.

    You’re laying in bed, maybe thinking about your day, maybe reading, or maybe just trying fall asleep.

    As you lie there (with your socks ON, i might add), your feet begin to warm or get itchy, and you get that deeep down craving for foot freedom.

    You peel off your socks, using your feet so you can stealthily keep your feet under the covers, and….

    AHHHHHHH….there is nothing quite like that feeling when your fresh feet hit those cool covers.

    AWESOME!!!! :)

  8. This may have already been posted (I’m a little new to the site), but just in case:

    Blanket Forts.

    A few months ago, my friends and I were feeling a bit stressed. We knew the weekend would bring some relief, but we needed something to celebrate that we had made it through. We decided to build a blanket fort. We combined 7 sets of sheets, numerous blankets, and tons of pillows to create an epic fort that we spent all weekend in. It was epic. And it was awesome.

    1. Oh, I remember the blanket forts….
      Tuck them under the couch cushions, tack them to the wall, drape them over a few chairs….so awesome!!!

  9. Elementary school computer games.

    After your typing duties were complete, if there was free time left, you could play games (though, occasionally there would be an all-games day which was awesome in and of itself). Anyone up for a rousing round of:

    Oregon Trail?
    Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?
    Snake?
    Pipe Dream?

    Oh yesssss. Awesome!

    1. My roommate’s boyfriend used to have Oregon Trail on his iPhone. Not quite as cool as the original, but a pretty good substitute.

    2. :-( we didn’t have those games on the computers where i went to school. The only ones I really remember is Solitare and Minesweeper back in school and I’m still playing those here at work.

  10. Catching Something at a Sporting Event

    Maybe it’s a hot dog you won’t even eat. Maybe it’s an XXL t-shirt and you’re a size M. Maybe it’s a foul baseball hit by someone you haven’t ever heard of on the rival team. Maybe it’s a flimsy plastic frisbee you know will just end up in pieces after you give it to your dog. It doesn’t matter what it is, when the one person out of everyone in the whole crowd that catches it is YOU, it feels pretty

    AWESOME!

    1. Free swag is always awesome! But I’ve never heard of catching a hot dog. Are you sure you weren’t supposed to keep passing it down the aisle to that hungry-looking guy 5 seats over?

      1. This put the funniest image in my mind. The thought of someone “catching” and eating a hot dog that was really intended for someone else honestly made me laugh.

        1. No they do throw hot dogs! haha there’s a minor league baseball team in my city and they wrap up hot dogs in aluminum foil and throw them into the audience! it’s pretty awesome :)

  11. One awesome thing is
    when you turn on the radio and it is the one song that is stuck in your head all day.

  12. Another awesome thing is unique looking items
    such as the hamburger phone in the movie Juno

  13. After the long winter and then that day when it suddenly just gets really warm really fast.

  14. Ladybugs. Somehow even people that view any other flying bug as a totally unwelcome addition to their afternoon recognize that when a ladybug lands on you, it’s somethin’ special.

  15. when we were kids and we just go around jumping and trying to reach something on the ceiling

        1. I hate to admit this in a public forum…but licking your elbow is totally and completely possible.

  16. You will appreciate this one being from Southern Ontario…

    Putting on Sandals for the first time that season.

    We had a warm beginning to April and I just COULDN’T put on socks and shoes in the morning. So, to the closet I went and dug out my old sandals. Perfectly form fitting when I slip my feet in and do up their old velcro straps.

    Walking on the grass is DELIGHTFUL, the bottoms of my feet were protected from thistles, poop and cold morning dew, but the tops of my feet could soak up the sun rays.

    AWESOME!!

  17. When Someone Else Puts Gas in Your Car

    It’s a hard thing letting someone else drive your car. What if they scratch it? What if they change your preset radio stations? What if they get it dirty? What if they mess up your perfectly adjusted seat? That’s why it’s so great when they bring it back with that little line pointing to F. It’s like a great big, “Thanks for letting me drive your car!” And seeing that full tank makes all your little worries and annoyances melt away. As you tune your radio back to your favorite station and fiddle with the seat, you can smile and think how lucky you are to have a full tank of gas. Not to mention your tank-filling friend who is undoubtedly

    AWESOME!

  18. Watching home videos.

    My family, over Christmas, decided to watch a Christmas home video from about eighteen years ago. The best part was the slang used by my older sister (then twelve years old): Radical. And the outfits we had on! We all laughed and joked and continued calling everything “radical”. Awesome.

  19. First scoop into a new jar of peanut butter.
    Ripping off the seal and just diving in.

    1. Peanut butter is pretty much my favorite food ever.

      Have you tried any of the flavored peanut butters? Peanut Butter & Co. makes a really good dark chocolate peanut butter and white chocolate peanut butter (among others).

  20. Being the only person to drive your car.

    No need to readjust your vents, rearview mirror, side mirrors, seat height or distance, radio, or steering wheel. It’s all you, all the time. Awesome!

  21. When you get questions right on Jeopardy.

    It doesn’t happen often (at least to me), but when it does, you just feel like the smartest, awesomest person in the world.

  22. Trampolines.

    I’m pretty sure even NASA endorses the use of trampolines for the most effective workout. For real.

    But I’m not talkin’ workouts here. I’m talking fun. You need no skill to participate in jumping on a trampoline. Just jump. If you want, do a flip. Play flip the bacon or crack the egg. Do a “double-bounce” (bouncing at just the right moment to send your friend flying twice as high). Put the sprinkler underneath. Lay out and catch some rays.

    Really, the fun is endless. Awesome!

  23. Sleep in general.

    remember being a kid and BEGGING to stay up late?
    There’s a time somewhere in your teens when that all turns around,

    and now you’re on the phone or at the computer and you glance over at the clock… 1o pm?? wow.

    ” sorry I’ve got to go, I really need some sleep man”

    and it’s a perfectly acceptable excuse.

    Staying up late?? NO WAY. It leaves you WAY to exhausted in the morning!

    Getting to bed early and getting all the shut eye you need – AWESOME!!

    Something along the lines of setting your own bed time works too!

  24. Finding another pair of underwear.

    You’ve come to the final stretch. Laundry day is looming, and you are dreading it. But wait! What’s that balled up in the corner of your underwear drawer? Is it…no, it can’t be! It’s a clean pair of underwear! Laundry day can be put off once again! Awesome!

  25. Euphemisms.

    “Your porcelain skin is so beautiful!”
    Code for: Pale as a ghost.

    “You’ve made so much progress!”
    Code for: Seriously, you’re not finished yet?

    “You’re invited to the Yard Party.”
    This is one my dad uses. It’s code for: Your attendance is mandatory in helping rake, mow, bag, and pick up sticks from the yard.

    You’ve got to hand it to euphemisms … they’re doing their best to sugar-coat the situation and provide you with optimism in a circumstance where there might not be any. ;D

    1. When talking to my family, I’ll tell a story, and say that a person is “larger” or “a little chubby” or they “haven’t lost their baby fat”, and my dad will just interrupt and say “Why don’t you just call them what they are? FAT”.

      (This is not meant to be offensive. Just funny for my dad’s bluntness).

      1. My daughter would call those people “healthy” and you could hear the quotation marks in the tone of her voice.

  26. Finding the most incredible website
    OK…you’re having a totally bummer of a day and someone forwards you a website….and half heartedly you click on it and think… ok this better be good. And whulluh……you’re brought to the 1000 Awesome Thing website….and you get totally lost in all the awesome stuff you watch…or participate in…or wake up to…or hear…and didn’t realize just how awesome it all is. A real eye opener!
    So…you sign up for the daily 1000 awesome thing….and all of a sudden ya realize….life truly is good …no matter how crappy it seems…and no matter how crummy the day starts….you always have that message in your email giving you one more example of awesome.
    AWESOME!!!!

  27. When after your Mad Libs is completed, it makes complete sense while still cracking you up.

    AWESOME!

  28. Finding the last of something you love on the shelf, be it a treasured book, movie, bagel chips, bottle of wine, and getting to take that little prize home to enjoy. Then it’s on to a night of sitting back, kicking your shoes off and enjoying. Awesome!

  29. Fingerpainting. Feeling the coolness of the paint, and feeling the paper, expressing yourself just with your fingers. And, of course, feeling like a kid again. Awesome.

  30. Really good coupons.

    I’m not talking about that $0.20 off a $50 item coupon or that Buy Ten, Get One at Half Price coupon. I mean a goooood one. One that’s gonna save you some serious dough.

    I’m talking:

    The One Free Large Pizza (when using student discount, no purchase required) Coupon

    The Buy One $6 Smoothie, Get A Free Smoothie (of equal or lesser value) Coupon

    The All Burgers, $1 After 10 P.M. Coupon

    These are … dare I say it? Awesome!

  31. Awesome:

    When your sinuses clear after a long ordeal of congestion. That feeling of the mucus interior of your nose evaporating and a fresh rush of oxygen through your nasal cavity, awesome!

  32. Getting taken care of when you’re sick.

    Like when your mom brings you crackers and orange juice. Or when your best friend stops by with nyquil and tissues.

    AWESOME!

  33. When someone you love says “I love you” and you completely, without reservation, believe them.

  34. Finding this blog today was Awesome. Facebook connected me to CakeWrecks which connected me to You! I love the internet.

    It’s Awesome.

  35. Opening an old journal and realizing how much you have changed, or how much you are still the same!

    1. Wow, I just did this! We had a 32-hour power outage over the weekend and with nothing much else to do, I dug out all my old diaries and read them cover to cover, by candlelight. And I discovered that I really haven’t changed very much at all :)

  36. untying a tshirt after you have tie dyed it. a spiral with the perfect color blending…AWESOME! :)

  37. Going out for breakfast.

    I have an uncle who takes ladies he has just met out for breakfast dates, because he isn’t ready to invest in dinner yet. Buuuut, i think going out for breakfast means giving yourself time to slow down and start your day off right!

    1. Hahaha … despite his non-committal attitude, I think being taken on a breakfast date would be fun. Then again, I’m a morning person, and I love breakfast. Now I guess if I ever do go on one, though, I’ll be thinking that this dude’s just trying to test the waters before locking into a full-on dinner date.

  38. thats SUPER cheesey line that Horatio says in CSI: Miami right before the opening credits. followed up of course by the loud YEAAAAAA!!! from The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again”. If you dont know what im talking about, scope this. absolutely hilarious.

      1. haha so true. don’t forget the 2X multiplier for the pause mid-sentence in order to put on those sunglasses.

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