Toss it mean and catch it clean.
Drop that jaw, tilt that head, and let’s get down to business:
• Level 1: Pop Practice. It’s important to start small with popcorn. There are no penalties for misses here, since the corn is light and doesn’t collect much dust if it hits the ground. This is a baby step and it will take time to master, but it’s an important rite of passage before hitting the next levels. (Note: In some circles, this level also covers marshmallows, Cheerios, and Corn Pops.) 5 points.
• Level 2: The Grape Beyond. Yup, next step is big ol’ grapes. Usually someone on the other end of the movie couch is munching on the vine in their own little bowl. If you’re feeling a bit hungry, simply drop your mouth and tap the couch cushion while saying ‘Uhn! Uhnnnnn!’ to get their attention. Soon a cold, hard grape should be flying fast at you. If the toss is good you should catch it perfectly. Other fruits like raspberries and strawberries fit here as well. 10 points.
• Level 3: Dog On A Bone. This extremely advanced move involves catching something larger than your actual mouth. An apple, peeled orange, or corn on a cob are good targets. You need to time the molar chomp perfectly and be prepared for embarrassing T-shirt stains and a black eye. 25 points.
Yes, when you catch food in your mouth you’re suddenly sitting high on top of the snack-eating universe. You’ve just combined equal parts laziness and athletic ability in a daring couch potato feat the likes of which this family room has never seen before. So when you nail it smoothly you know what to do.
Chomp it loud.
Chew it proud.
AWESOME!
Finding toys that you loved as a kid and you thought your mom had thrown away.
Awesome!
Little kids artwork = AWESOME! Trying to determine what exactly it is, hearing their explanations of the yellow blob beside the blue scribble, posting it on the fridge. Just everything about it!
When you have a cold and your sinuses are all clogged and you lay down on your side, and you can feel the snot moving from one side of your head to the other. Flip a few times and roll it back and forth and before you know it, you’ll be nose-breathing your way to dreamland!
Anyone else do this?
Oh I definitely do that. I often have sinus and/or allergy issues, and if it gets really bad I’ll take some medicine, lay on my stomach and wait for all the junk to clear out.
I do that!! I hate it when i can’t breathe through my nose, but a few turns and I’m good to go.
All the time. I try and catch it inbetween and then lie on my back to trap it. Usually works.
It was a glorious day when I discovered this wasn’t mere coincidence. I felt so empowered!
Shoes that are so old they’ve molded to your feet.
I’ve had this pair of Teva flip-flops for foreeeever. They are the perfect mold of my foot- no one else can wear them. I probably should get rid of them, but they are so incredibly comfortable now- plus, we’ve gone through too many glorious summers together for me to give up on them now!
Quoting a line from your favorite obscure movie only to have some stranger within hearing distance quote another line. Awesome!
That special piece of something from a good friend or relative that has since passed away.
I have a bracelet that used to be my aunts (she died about a week ago). I’ve worn it everyday so far and it makes me feel a little better, and makes me feel that she is still here with me.
It could be jewelry, a quilt, anything that makes you think of that person. It may hurt a little to look at it, your heart may tighten up a bit, but they’re still awesome because you can smile and remember all the good times you had with that person… and that’s awesome.
Attempting to do that thing that someone tells you that you can’t do.
Lick your elbow.
Hum while pinching your nose.
Sneeze with your eyes open.
Someone will tell you that you can’t do one of those things (or a slew of others), but you’ve gotta try it anyway. I think it’s a law or something.
I really can sneeze with my eyes open, though.
Awesome!
Now try burping while sneezing, or burping while hiccuping (very possible, just funny!)
Oh yes, I am well-versed in the accidental hiccuburp. Funny and sometimes painful, but always awesome. :)
Making a random lunch out of things you can find in the office.
You forgot your lunch and are too busy to leave to get some. So you take stock of what the office has to offer your grumbling tummy. The Lean Cuisine in the freezer? No … sadly, not yours. How about that big ol’ Tupperware (holla! #991) of grapes? Yeah, you wish those were yours. No, unfortunately, the only thing you can rightfully claim from the office fridge is a questionable applesauce cup. And a tiny thing of Panera Bread Co. butter from last year.
So snag that applesauce, buddy, ’cause it’s going to form the main course of your meal. Continue to scrounge, surely you’ll find something. Easter jellybeans? Check! A Crystal Light drink mix packet? Yes, that’ll do, taking your boring water-cooler water to a new level. Now this isn’t ideal, but you’re working with a time-crunch. So savor it while you work, and look forward to quitting time when you can blast outta the office and get some real food. Maybe, if you’re lucky, someone will have a birthday (aka Situation #915).
Awesome!
Elementary school desk-cleaning-day.
Every so often, our teachers would just reserve the afternoon for some quality classroom maintenance time. Now, while cleaning isn’t usually high up on the Stuff Kids Love To Do list, this was an exception.
With the excitement of being finished with schoolwork for the day buzzing about in our little hearts, we happily dove into the glue covered, pencil shaving infested, workbook page encrusted trenches of the inner-workings of our desks.
Now, Neat Ned over there was always finished first, because he managed to keep his desk at a reasonable level of cleanliness all year. But forget him, this is your story. You’re in there, chipping away at a semester’s worth of grime, with only those brown, flimsy, and non-absorbent school paper towels and a bottle of 409 to keep you company. You’re scrubbing old pencil marks, last month’s forgotten snack, and hey! a penny!
Soon you’re finished, and you may get a second duty bestowed upon you, like organizing the books in the classroom library, dusting the top of shelf, or beating the chalk off the erasers.
Then … if you were really lucky — and you always were, those sneaky teachers — there was enough time for a super-extended-mega-bonus-round RECESS at the end of the ordeal. AWESOME!
Good times were had by all except “pig-pen.”!
When finishing off a bag of chips, desperately trying to get those small ones all off the bottom in one fingerfull and coming up with – a complete chip! It’s big, it’s original, how could it have made it through this far unmolested? …and it’s yours! Awesome!!
VHS (y’all know what i am talking ’bout)
Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Rachel?
;D
P.S. I still use a VCR from time to time …
Winning a contest you forgot entering
Maybe you didn’t need that free set of steak knives, or 1326 jelly beans, but now you have them!
Awesome!
Hilarious Youtube Videos.
Okay, I have a confession: I’m addicted to Youtube. Its true. I love to watch videos over and over, and show them to all my friends, and quote them. And then my friends show me new ones and the cycle starts over. Some make you laugh, some inspire you, but most important: they are AWESOME.
What’s your favorite?
When the drink you thought was empty still has some left in it.
Just when your thirst calls and your desire for that beverage crawls back, you pick up what you thought was an empty can/cup and find that you’re in luck!
Alpacas.
They’re just awesome. They look kinda like llamas, but they’re not. They’re bred and raised for their awesome fur, which is 50% warmer than sheep’s wool AND is hypoallergenic (aka no wool itchies!). My boss, a university professor, raises alpacas with her husband on the side. She gives me the low-down on alpacas and all their wonderful qualities.
https://www.openforum.com/idea-hub/topics/money/video/how-can-i-get-paid-faster
(One of her alpacas is even in this commercial!)
The Day Your Baby Finally Sleeps Through the Night
So it’s been 5 months since you had a full night of sleep. No big deal, most nights you’re only up once or twice (or 5 times). Still, that 30 minute feeding means about 45 minutes of awake time and you just never feel caught up.
And then one night you go to sleep, and sleep and sleep and sleep and at 5:30 am your baby awakens. He slept from 8 pm to 5:30 am. Nevermind the fact that you have rock hard boobs (a great name for a band, BTW). Nevermind the fact that instead of going back to sleep after nursing he pokes you in face for an hour. Nevermind the fact that he only nurses on one side, leaving you with one rock hard boob (great name for a politician). None of that matters, because you just got 7 hours of sleep … in a row!
The day your baby finally sleeps through the night: AWESOME!
This cracked me up! I’m still chuckling.
I don’t have a baby, and thus cannot fully appreciate the magnitude of this moment, but I feel like it’s definitely gotta be GREAT! One of my friends just had her FIFTH(!!) baby six weeks ago, and called me this morning to alert me of the awesomeness that was her latest addition sleeping for six hours.
Rock-hard-boobs aside, it sounds pretty great!
LOL, Jenn – I love your names for a rock band and a politician! I think I know that guy…
Having class outside on a pretty day.
When I was in elementary school, on an exceptionally amazing day, our teacher would lead the way, with book-wielding students in tow, out to the playground. She’d pick a big ol’ shady tree to sit under, and we’d have part of our class day outside.
I was reminded of this today as I left my job as a GA at a university and saw a group of college students having class in the grass. Too awesome.
Perfectly kicking a ball that’s been kicked at you.
The pressure is on. Someone’s just kicked you the ball, and whether you’re in a serious soccer game or are just messing around with a few friends, you still need to be on your game to return that ball without making your buddy jog a mile to fetch it.
Now is not the time for any of that half-assed, side-of-foot barely connecting to the ball mess. Not for you, not this time. It’s coming right to you at the perfect speed, so rear back that leg and slam your foot right into it! Awesome!
Saying or hearing people say the redundant last word of an acronym after saying the acronym.
ATM Machine (Automatic teller machine machine?)
PIN Number (Personal identification number number?)
VIN Number (Vehicle identification number number?)
NATO Organization (North Atlantic Treaty Organization Organization?)
Etc., etc.
Before you think I’m judging, check yourself! I have done it and continue to do it sometimes. It’s just funny when you stop and think about it. Awesome!
How true! Good observation.
Spinning in office chairs.
Decidedly more fun and less nauseating when you were a child, the office chair spin is a fun activity in which we’ve all undoubtedly participated. Whether you’re spinning yourself or being spun by a friend or parent, it’s great to have a mini-merry-go-round sensation for a few moments. Sure, you stumble around like a drunk when your ride is over, and you may feel the urge to grab a trash can, but it’s been fun. Bonus points for doing it as an employee in your own office. Awesome!
Seeing a shock in the dark.
If you’ve ever unfurled a tangled or folded staticky blanket in the dark, then you catch what I’m throwing. You see those tiny little sparks perfectly there in the dark, and it’s pretty darn cool. Also to be seen is a shock felt between you and a friend after walking around with socked feet on carpet and/or the shock between sock-foot-you and a metal surface.
Similar sensation: seeing the sparks when you plug/unplug an appliance. I’m no electrician, but this one seems a bit more dangerous, so be careful with it.
Awesome!
Having something you planned turn out exactly how you planned it. Whether it’s a surprise birthday party, or your schedule for next semester, that satisfaction you get from knowing everything went right can’t be beat.
Impromptu dancing in public
You’re walking down the hall at work, and you spot a friend at the other end. After glancing around to make sure no one else can see, you break into some dance moves, and they do it, too. It’s exhilarating cause someone might catch you, but you don’t care. A fun shared moment with a friend is always…
AWESOME!
Dancing in the grocery store aisle with the one you love, just because Van Morrison started playing overhead.
*with my grand children all the time; only thought, the good times and smiles!
Getting lots of cards in the mail on your birthday. Because, really, there’s nothing better than getting something in your mailbox other than bills. It’s the bestest feeling ever!
Practicing writing or math via some shaving cream on your desk surface.
Did anyone else get to do this as a child? One special day, the teacher would come around with a healthy squirt of Barbasol for each child’s desk, and you’d be given the opportunity to spread it thin and practice letters, numbers, handwriting, cursive, adding, subtracting, or calculus (high-school dream that never came true).
Now I’m no fool. I know that this did a double-duty and was a covert mission on teachers’ parts to get us to clean the surfaces of our germ-ridden desks, but I’m a-ok with that.
Awesome!
Just don’t try it on a wood table. Shaving cream will take the varnish right off. Same with polished shoes.
the first physical contact between yourself and a person you find attractive :)
Falling asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow.
No need for tossing, turning, flipping your pillow, sticking your leg out from under the covers, or shutting up a snoring partner. You’re on the non-stop express ride to dreamland, lickety-split, and that train ain’t stopping ’til morning! You wake up in the morning and can’t honestly remember even laying down. Awesome!
Grossly over-tipping for lemonade stand lemonade – makes you feel, good, you get a thirst-quenching glass of the good stuff on what is likely the hottest day of the year and the 300% tip makes the neighbour kid feel like a million bucks (in 7 year old dollars) – Awesome.
Omg, yes. I remember our elderly neighbor across the street would give us like five or six bucks for a Dixie cup’s worth of lemonade. Nice old man. Of course, he took pity for our little business because we lived on a dead-end street with literally zero traffic. Usually our parents and ourselves were our only customers. ;D
http://1000awesomethings.com/2008/09/12/940-terrible-businesses-run-by-children/
The first day in spring that you get to break out your flip flops. There’s nothing better than liberated toes and the joy of not having to hunt for a pair of matching socks. Just leave them by the door, slide your feet in, and be on your way.
AWESOME!
Party dress bathrobe.
Now this may not be as universal as it should be, but I’m here to spread the Good Word about Party Dress Bathrobe.
See, I get über-hot when I get ready in the morning. Between the steamy shower, hair dryer, curling iron and/or straightener, etc., it’s a toasty scene. I can’t bear to get dressed just yet – and wearing that thick, long robe all up around my chest and neck is just out of the question – as is roaming around in the buff, what with two male roommates and all. My old (female) roommate and I coined the phrase (not necessarily the concept of) PDB to solve this issue.
New to the PDB? Ok. Do not put your arms through the arm holes. Hold the top, back part of the robe at your back, about where your bra strap typically lies. Using the would-be collar as the plunging-neckline for your new strapless beauty, lay one side from armpit to mid-chest (covering the ladies!) and repeat with other side, making sure to overlap. Next, tie the robe arms under your boobs and let the rest of the robe hang as you would if you were wearing it normally. You’re left with a beautiful, fitted terry cloth gown that’s surely fit for a party. ;)
I know they make those towels-with-straps things, but the beauty of the PDB is that you have the versatility of a robe, party dress, and Snuggie. Awesome!
Vacation!!
plain and simple…awesome!
The vacuum tubes at the bank
I really want to put some confetti on top of the top next time to see what it would look like sucked up, but I like my credit union and don’t want to make a mess of their office.
Maybe you could do it at a different bank … you know, just casually drive up, take the little projectile capsule out, activate Operation: Confetti in Tube, observe for a moment, and flee the scene.
:D
That blast of Air Conditioning that hits you in the summer time when you come inside from playing outdoors.
Jaywalking Buddy:
You are anxiously waiting at a crosswalk that is telling you “DO NOT WALK” when some brave soul looks both ways and walks right out into the street. They clear the way for you to follow safely behind and disobey traffic laws.
that random person walking by you who is singing along with their ipod.
Let’s face it, singing is one of the most vulnerable things someone can do. Who isn’t just a little shy about belting it out? I mean, the car provides you with a shield of fiberglass and metal, but when you’re walking down the street and singing, you may as well be in the Sydney Opera House. Everyone can hear you, and you know it. That’s why these people are so great. Because they feel so confident and are having such a good time jamming, that you can’t help but smile at them. Pardon me, smile WITH them.
AWESOME!!
yeah those people are awesome and ooo so funny
Realizing it’s ok to be at a different place in your life than your peers.
Sometimes when I look at how and what my friends are doing, I feel like I’m getting behind in life. I have friends who have recently bought houses. Several of my friends are engaged. Some of them are married. A few are pregnant or have a kid or five. Many hold real jobs and are completely finished with school.
After realizing that I’m just finishing school (granted, a Master’s, but still), am single, living in an apartment, and embarking on a career-search, I experience a temporary bout of inadequacy. Then I realize: it’s ok. It doesn’t REALLY matter, does it? Nope. I’m happy, I know I’m capable, and I know that those things will come in time.
Awesome!
I wish I would have stayed in school. I could have a much better job now with way better hours. I didn’t get to experience being out there and doing what I want when i want, either. I got pregnant right out of high school and married 3 years later and we are all squished into an apartment. I had to drop out of college to support my child because i was a single parent. But now I can’t go back because money and time are issues.
I’m happy where I am in life though and I wouldn’t change a second of it.
I’m so happy for you that you got the opportunity to get your Masters and now off to get a great carreer.
Don’t settle down before you are ready. Do what is right for you
Thanks Bekah … for the kind words AND for sharing your story. Isn’t it funny how different everyone’s paths can be? We’re practically the exact same age, have experienced tons of similar things, but are leading two totally different lives.
I’m so glad to hear that you’re so happy with your life, even if it hasn’t gone quite the way you’d planned. :)
It is funny. We are only one month apart. We are so alike and yet so different.
In all honesty you just have more patience and drive than the rest of us. That doesn’t make you wrong or behind. Statistically you will earn more money than if you would’ve had kids young, and you have much greater chances of staying with a partner longer than if you would’ve married young. Unless you are also going for a PhD or professional degree, you are done with school and don’t have to worry about trying to “go back”. Give yourself a pat on your back.
Thanks, Jay, those were some very nice things for you to say. Quite reassuring :)
Also, I am SO finished. There will be no PhD for me!
I don’t know if this has already been said but “being able to experience all 4 seasons” spring, summer, fall and winter. From mild to freezing, from freezing to wet, and from wet to warm and back again. Really makes you appreciate the Northern hemisphere. And for those of you that have tropical temperature’s all year round, I feel pity towards you. Season’s build character and help you appreciate even more “awesome” things. Have fun on your beaches, palm trees and crystal clear waters….suckers!
In certain places you may get to experience all four seasons in one day. Start out with the heat on in the morning and require air conditioning on by the afternoon.
Your birthday.
That date, emblazoned into your brain, is the best one in the whole calendar year. Christmas is great, Halloween is awesome, and the last day of school is pretty doggone good, too. But your birthday, now, that’s the bee’s knees right there.
It’s You Day. Your own holiday, the day on which people send you cards, text messages, phone calls, well-wishes, gifts, and leniency (Leave work early, go ahead! Class party, heeeyyy! Etc.).
You party. You eat good food of your choice. You have cake. People may come from miles around to celebrate You Day, and you may hear from people you haven’t heard from in months. People remember you on You Day, and that is just … awesome!
(So don’t forget to return the favor when it’s THEIR birthday!)
Funny story….My best friend…we have been friends since the 6th grade…forgot my birthday last year and called me exactly a month after to tell me happy birthday. We talked on the phone and even hung out before and after MY DAY and she didn’t remember. I tease her about it.
Maybe it’s a best friend thing! Jeez! One of my very best friends — who I have known since preschool! — has called me the day after my birthday almost every year for the past, like, five years. Every year, it’s the same thing: she forgot what day it was. She says she reminds herself and reminds herself in the days leading up to my birthday, but then somehow drops the ball the day of. I tease her about it, too. :)
hahahahahahaha!!! Best friend birthday fail.
Even the best fall short sometimes I suppose! ;D
When you’re in the middle of a sweltering day and you find sweet relief in a dip in your local swimming pool, lake, ocean, or river. Nothing beats that feeling of heading over to the edge of the water sweating through your swimsuit, walking/jumping/diving in, coming up for air, and feeling that your body temperature has plummeted by at least 10-20 degrees. Awesome.
Dancing to the rhythm of the printer.
It’s squeaky, it’s addictive, it’s sexy, it’s AWESOME!
I LOVE this one! I can also dance to just about anything. Never thought of the printer though :)
The “God Bless You” you get after donating food to the homeless.
The smile on your friend’s face when you present them with the hand made gift you have been working on for over two months.
Priceless!
I made one of my little brothers a huge rubberband ball for his birthday this year and he loved it more than his iPod that he got. I made it almost as big as a basketball.
That’s hard-core! Where’d you get that many elastics??
Work. We get in so many rubberbands and no one uses them here. They were just collecting in supply room, so I gathered some up and make a ball. No one has even noticed that rubberbands are missing.
You are an awesome big sister!
Waking up, with a sad, sinking feeling in your heart, dragging yourself into your car to go to work, turning on the radio and hearing “Its a bright bright bright sun shining day”, followed by “I hope you dance”!
Uplifting!
Teaching someone a new skill, like crochet, sewing, painting or baking. Their joy is thrilling!
Walking into your local Walmart, and having the sales lady compliment you by saying, “Thank you for dressing so well, even if you are only going to Walmart”. It was so heartfelt!
Peeking out of the airplane window to look at the twinkling lights below, shutting your eyes when the wheels touch the ground, waiting impatiently to get off, and finally, finally, finally stepping off the plane in the early morning to smell the air of your home country! Awesome with a capital A!
I moved out of my country to the US 13 years ago. Every single time I go back, it is ALWAYS awesome!
Watching your husband struggling to open his eyes as he wakes up in the morning, trying to focus, finding your face, and breaking out into the most gorgeous smile. Very sweet :)
Ice cream cones! That contest you have with yourself to finish before it melts, chasing any drips with your tongue-and then you get to eat the container the ice cream came in. Pure awesome.
Peeing in nature.
While this is a much simpler activity for a man to take part in, it’s still kinda fun. You feel like some kinda super-explorer, not willing to let a little thing like needing to pee force you to turn back from your excursion. So get a friend to stand guard, pop a squat, and let it out! Just make sure you master whatever technique works for you (the lean-up-against-a-tree, etc.) … pee on the tops of your shoes or all over your pants is a surefire way to kill the mood.
Awesome!
And be warry of what you wipe with! Learn which ones are poisonous and avoid them!
Good call, Jay, good call. I’ve heard some nasty stories from those who have answered the call of nature in nature and have come away from the experience with only a poison ivy rash to show for it.
Peeing in nature is really awesome. I think its more awesome for girls only becuase its a littler harder for us to do.
Wow….that “R” at the end of little is soooo not supossed to be there………
And I’m guessing you didn’t mean to spell “becuase” that way either? LOL, typing fail!
Wow…. I’m haveing mayjer speling problems twoday.
I need to start proofreading.
Pluto. Not the dog, though he’s pretty cool too, but the extraterrestrial body that was formerly known as the ninth planet from the sun.
R.I.P. Pluto