#226 Furiously scratching a mosquito bite even though you know you shouldn’t

Neil Pasricha

That pesky mosquito.

Did you know those jabby jerks are responsible for more deaths on earth than any other creature? It’s true, homes. With millions of people getting malaria every year they’re bringing us all down, down, down. And they look so innocent too! Why, I almost feel sorry for them with their tiny lives, terrible hangouts by dumpy ponds, and their plain unluckiness when it comes to getting caught in slow-flowing amber back in the Jurassic.

Now it’s getting to be prime season for skeeters up here and those buzzy bullies are always zzz-zzz-zzz’ing in my ears. Sometimes they’ll land and jab their stingers into my arm before I notice I’m getting blood sucked good. In the words of Stephanie Tanner — how rude.

The fun really starts when I get home from the dimly lit patio and end up covered in an itchy patch of bright red dots. Cut to the annoying Five Day Scratchfest where instead of buying calamine lotion, wearing oven mitts, or soaking in bath salts, I choose instead to furiously scratch those itches over and over.

Because who doesn’t love that?

Yes, I say gimme that soothing one second relief from the mild burn in exchange for the fiery reburn any day. Because holding out is just too difficult and taking a little break from itchiness feels like standing straight under Niagara Falls.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here and here

62 thoughts to “#226 Furiously scratching a mosquito bite even though you know you shouldn’t”

        1. OMGoodness..
          Me too!
          I sent my fiance a text saying thank you for everything he does after i read all your posts. :)
          he loved it :)
          Thank you!

      2. Oh My Goodness
        Me too!
        I sent my fiance a text straight after i read all your blog posts saying thank you for everything he does & he loved it!
        Thank you!!!

  3. What is the most religious insect?
    The mosque-ito!
    Why are mosquitos so religious?
    Because they prey on you!
    *There’s a place in the Eagle Valley, BC. called Malakwa, which means many massive mosquitos, and although it’s common to laugh at the tshirts while there, this is no joke!
    If you travel there byob…and lots of it… you will be making a large donation!
    “Itchy-itchy, scratchy-scratchy, eww I got one down my backy…”

  4. …scratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratch…

    Ahhhhhh! That feels SO much… well, worse, actually. I know what will fix that!

    …scratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratchscratch…

    1. The last time I was going to town like that on a bug bite, I was in the big boss man’s office trying to have a serious conversation. I didn’t even realize I was scratching that bump on my shin until he gave me a weird look. My leg was red from all the scratching and the whole situation was just a bit awkward.

      1. Then you just smile and nod and give a big belly laugh as if the whole situation isn’t awkward at all.

        Or you could leap out a window. If things are already looking weird, why not?

        (Why yes, I am currently unemployed, why do you ask?)

      2. So, speaking of awkward and mosquitos …

        One time in high school, my friend (you might know her as the one with the B&J in her trunk from November to February!) and I met a few of our guy friends at Dairy Queen for a delightful Blizzardy treat. One of the guys sat next to her and was focused on nothing except killing this mosquito that kept buzzing around our table. He followed it with his eyes and hand, and he thought he could get it — so he SLAMMED his hand, paying no attention to where it might actually land … and it was met squarely with my friend’s boob.

        AWKWARD.

        But hilariously awesome. Hahahahahahahaha.

  7. Bugs LOVE me. I can walk outside for 5 minutes and have 20 bug bites all over me. Unfortunately I have passed on this horribleness to my daughter, so I am always stocked up on Off or the Avon bug guard sunscreen. When I do forget to spray and get bit, scratching that bite is one of the greatest feelings ever.

    1. I’m a mosquito’s favorite snack, also! My family always jokes that as long as I’m around, they have no need for bug spray. :(

    2. …scratching that bite is one of the greatest feelings ever.

      Ooooh, Yeah! I wonder why?

  9. There’s a skeeter buzzing me right now! They looooove me.

    My Nonna used to say “Make a salad” to stop the itch, then she would put a dab of vinegar on my bite with a shake or two of salt and then rub rub rub. It scratched the itch with the salt and the vinegar would sting and the itch would go away!! But, not for long.

    Today my favorite remedy is Dr Burt’s Res-Q-Ointment by Burt’s Bees. Not sure what’s in that little green goo, but it really stops the itch.

  10. Interesting fact: Do you know why sickle-cell anemia is common among Africans? Sickle cells are resistant to malaria. It’s advantageous in areas where malaria is prevalent is to be heterozygous for the trait (one dominant and one recessive allele), because it means they don’t have sickle-cell anemia, but enough of their cells are sickle-shaped that it gives them some protection against malaria.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sickle_cell_trait

    2. Yay for reporting on one of the more interesting things I remember from learning genetics in high school bio! :)

    1. I tried every which way to hear your song but couldn’t make connect.
      But I did fluke on playing one of my own and that is just way too cool!
      Thanks for sharing the fun!

  12. SO TRUE! And the way you wrote it makes it even more hilarious and wonderful. Scratch away!

  13. Bugs love me too. I am constantly covered in bites this time of year! I recently learned that mosquitos are attracted to certain blood types too. My roommate and I can be sitting side by side and while i’m getting eaten alive she’s just smiling and laughing away!

      1. What do you call a moody, albino bloodsucker with second-rate abs?

        Edward Cullen.

    2. So two mosquitos were buzzing around when they saw a staggering drunken person, one said to the other-
      “You bite him, I’m driving!”

  16. oh man, my favorite part of this post is the Stephanie Tanner/Full House reference! Yes!

  18. one more…and then I must go battle the latest hatch:
    “Doctor, doctor, you’ve gotta’ help me. I keep thinking I’m a mosquito!”
    Doctor says, “Well then, GET OUT OF HERE SUCKER!”

      1. I passed down a mosquito allergy to my daughter’s and grand-children; funny at times, but not pretty at all; similar to the duck itch response. Had to make some light of it and yep fun=)

        I was on a “Field Trip”, courtesy of Awesome; I’ve lost track of how many I’ve read but I think of the 2195, you’re master mind accounts for 1000 entries.
        I love your sentiments, wisdom, humour; compassion for others; endearment toward your wife…
        You really are “quite a CARD!”
        Best get crackin’ on today, I can’t believe there’s no mention of egg gas yes!

  19. When we get bites, we always use our fingernails to make a big X on our mosquito bites. Not sure why. It’s a childhood habit

    1. yyyeeeesssss!! I was JUST about to comment something to that effect! They told us it would make the itching stop – it didn’t (of course), but it was just as satisfying as scratching.

  21. Ooo, ooo, I’ve stood under Niagara Falls! There is a place called Cave of the Winds, and you literally walk UNDER the Falls. It feels AWESOME!

  24. How ironic, I was in the middle of scratching a monster skeeter bite just as I read this. Love the blog :)

  26. Holy moly there is nothing more satisfying than tearing open a mosquito bite! The most satisfying places to destroy a bite is the elbow, ankle and top of the foot. I love how when I shred a bite there is a red dot in the middle and the wound oozes. Then the grime from your fingers burn the open skin. SOOOO NICE. And after the wrecked bite scabs up, it usually still itches so I rip off the scab. The scar that it leaves reminds me of the satisfying scratchfest that I had at that time.

    1. you perfectly described what i go through. i just hate that i’m left with scars because i scratch them until they bleed and make a sore.

      i didnt know the grime from fingers burn open the skin. I know fingers are germiest part of body(well #2 after mouth right ?) .

      what i hate is the skin surrounding a bite or next to a bite itches and then i scratch it, my skin peels, and I have another sore. argh,

  28. God help me, every bug bite I ever endure gets turned in to an oozing mess. No matter where on my body the bite ends up, I always tear off the skin usually with the finger nail on my middle and index fingers. Then there is the sting/burn that replaces the itch. Then there is the scab. Then the scab itches. Then I rip off the scab for temporary relief. Then there is the blood. Then there is another scab. Repeat until a scar or infection. If I make a mistake by leaving my door open at night or go hiking without bug repellent, my legs are a horrific mess for months. But damn, does that initial scratch feel good…

  29. I’m not sure what just brought me to this blog or why I have this obsession with ripping at mosquito bites, but sometimes, for some odd reason, I wish I had a mosquito bite in a sensitive area. Like the shin. Like the top of the foot. Like the elbow. Somewhere with thinner skin…where I can tear it apart in ten seconds flat. Make it in to an oozing mess. And rip off the scab a few days later. And then again the next day. And either there will be a scar after a few weeks, or cellulitus. God…WTF is wrong with me???

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