#978 Putting the toppings on a hot dog bun before the hot dog

Neil Pasricha

Slide that beef tube right on down

Toronto is home to some of the best hot dog street vendors in the world. Street meat, we call it proudly, waiting in lines to get char-grilled, crisp-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside, big, brown beautiful hot dogs. The dogs usually come set perfectly in a puffy, yellow bun, like a smiling child tucked tightly into bed. Yes, it’s a glowing little beef-tube of heaven, a spicy little meat-wand of joy, the perfect company for a movie or a long walk home after the bars.

Now, despite the powerful taste-punch to the mouth the street vendor hot dog delivers, I’m sorry to say there is just one little problem: my friend, there is spillage, and plenty of it. Hot dog vendors pride themselves on their never ending array of toppings, from spicy mustard to onions, pickles to olives, sauerkraut to banana peppers. It’s a delicious den of germs just sitting out on the street in little glass jars, protected from gas fumes, building exhausts, and pigeon crap by nothing more than a large umbrella.

Now, like most people, I love hot dog toppings. But you and me, together we face a common problem: trying to balance piles of wet toppings on top of a round, slippery wiener. It ain’t easy, homes. Usually the relish slips off first, and you get those artistic looking ketchup and mayo swirls dripping onto your pants. Worst-case scenario you get a rogue pickle coated in mustard leaving a big yellow skid mark right on the belly of your T-shirt. The ladies sure love those.

I laugh, but folks: this is a serious problem.

Thankfully though, there is a solution: Yes, I’m talking about The Toppings-First Method. That’s right, believe it. Now here’s how it all goes down:

  1. First, ask for your bun while the hot dog is still cooking. “Mind if I get the bun first?” There, just like that. Most vendors will just hand it over, so now you’re holding a big empty hot dog bun in your hand. Everyone with me so far?
  2. Next is the very important bedding step. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this step. You can’t just lay your wet condiments down in the crack of the bun and expect the integrity of the bun to hold up. That would be ridiculous. No, you need to lay down a layer of condiment bedding first that gently cradles the wet toppings while preventing them from soaking through. Your ideal choices here are diced onions, pickles, or even lettuce if you have to.
  3. Okay, now… load that bun up like there’s no tomorrow! Just keep piling the wet toppings in there! Deep red river of ketchup, bright yellow pools of mustard, generous spoonfuls of relish. Load it up. Believe me, the dog will still fit.
  4. Finally, dog up! Rest that beautiful Fat Jim right down on your sugary bed of condiments. It may lay a bit high on the bun, but don’t you worry. Everything will still fit. Now the hot dog serves as shield and a guide, protecting your pants while escorting the delicious condiments into your hungry stomach below.

This is a magical technique I first learned from my friend Chad. He has perfected it to a science, where he has a very specific condiment architecture involving categorizing condiments into “wet”, “gritty”, and “cheese.” He can talk for five minutes about how relish is the most underrated topping or how proper cheese placement is key to fine melting. The point is that there are more advanced versions of this technique, but you really need to master the basics first. Sure, I’ve given you a guide. But only you can do the rest.

AWESOME!

Good luck.

Hey!

Let’s have some fun this week!

Want to win a free copy of The 2013 Calendar of Awesome?

Just submit an awesome thing in a comment below and one random winner will be picked at the end of the week. You can submit as many awesome things as you like! Just make sure you enter your real email address so we have a way of contacting you if you win!

Good luck!

Neil

p.s. If you order The 2013 Calendar of Awesome directly from the publisher here, you can type in ‘Awesome’ (without the quotes) at the checkout to get 25% off! Also available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble…

217 thoughts to “#978 Putting the toppings on a hot dog bun before the hot dog”

  2. “Cheese” definitely deserves it’s own category.

    As for the comp, I TOTALLY want to win the calendar! And so…

    Receiving an extension on that impossible assignment at university — AWESOME.

    1. *le gasp!*

      I know many hours have since gone by, but I’ve just noticed that I wrote “its” wrong. That rampant apostrophe is haunting me… o__O

      So, AWESOME thing number 2 — correct punctuation. Alas, an unawesome comment. ;)

          1. Yes cutting yourself slack! But also a related one:
            -Listening to your body
            When I’m up late doing homework and I can’t concentrate, most times I realise and just go to bed if it’s not essential. Of course I’ve hardly done homework for the past few weeks with exams and Outward Bound and holidays and all, so I’m just getting into proper homework again, but yeah :) And the last couple weeks we had at school last term, I was just counting down the hours til home time when I could get home and EAT FOOD. I think I’m having a growth spurt or something. But ya, listening to your body when you need food or sleep or just a break from whatever you’re doing! That’s
            AWESOME!

  3. My awesome thing: waking up for work and remembering it’s Saturday- so you get to laze around or go back to sleep if you choose to snooze. No pressure…no deadline..no schedule. An awesome thing for sure!

    1. Here lately I’ve been getting confused by the time the weekend rolls around. I have to seriously stand there and think whether or not I have to go to work. What day is it? Is it really Saturday and can I go back to bed? I’m not so sure anymore. My days have been running together and I don’t get much sleep these days. I can’t tell one day from the other hardly anymore!

      1. I feel yah, Bekah. It was even worse when I was a teenager who usually worked Saturday morning.

        “Do I have school? Ahh, no, it’s Saturday. Sleeep… Wait, Saturday?! Crap.”

  4. I know the first time I read this, I vowed to give it a try since I always put my toppings, well, on the top. I hate to say, that I haven’t yet. I acutally forgot all about it. I will now. We are eating hot dogs a lot, so I WILL do it now.
    Hubby did show me a nice little trick though. We get a knife and cut the hot dog almost in half length-wise and then put the toppings INSIDE the hot dog! I think that’s pretty AWESOME. :-)

    1. Oh, yeah…. my awesome things… there’s so many I can’t choose.
      Getting a hug from a child-Someone playing with your hair-getting an unexpected bonus at work- the big storm misses your neighborhood- When your power comes back on after not having it for a while- half melted chocolate- cuddling with a baby… ok… I’m going to stop now. I can’t go giving my awesome away in one hit, now can I?

      1. I used to sit my small solid easter eggs on top of the heater until they melted, then squidge (I think I just made up a word) the chocolate out of the foil.

        So delicious. So horribly messy. Sorry Mum. :-\

          1. Our local hotdog shop slits the hotdogs then fries them, before adding the mounds of chili and onions…mmmmm!

  5. My awesome moment came this summer. I was teaching my 2 children, 12 and 14 to clean the bathroom. Now this is probably one of the most hated cleaning tasks in my life but I thought I needed to teach them this dreaded task. I explained to them that I will not be following them around their entire lives cleaning up after them. Well, we divided the tasks between toilets, showers, and counters and we all tackled a job. There was much squawking and complaining going on about how disgusting the job was. I agreed and told them that is why I was sharing the joy! Now the awesome moment came a few days later when my son who just turned 12 called me into the bathroom. I was filled with pure delight when I discovered that my son called me into the room to show me how clean and neat his side of the bathroom was. He realized that if he cleaned up after himself each day it would be less work when he had to do the heavy duty cleaning! Now not only do I have 2 helpers but I also have 2 extra people helping to keep it clean! It may not seem like a big deal to those of you that don’t clean bathrooms but trust me, all the parents out there who clean up after their kids will truly see the awesomeness of this moment.

  6. Ah, the noble hot dog. It is indeed a wondrous and awesome thing. Anyway, I usually don’t put that many toppings on my hot dogs. Normally just BBQ sauce. That guy Chad is a genius.

  7. It’s awesome that I am reading this today, on the morn when I am off to Toronto (4 hour drive for me) with my son to see a concert. I introduced him to “Street Meat” on our last visit. It was an amazement to my small town boy that such an incredible thing existed and so we were counting on another delectable street treat today. Serendipity is awesome. This post is a happy little coincidence that is setting my day off on the right track. My mouth is already watering…

    BTW as a mother of three young boys, I discovered putting the toppings on first long ago. If you are looking for a new Book of Awesome I say find a group of moms for those tips and tricks that help life run more harmoniously, with ease of functionality and most definately with less spillage.

    Now how about that calendar?

  8. I’m such a plain Jane. I just like a little mustard squirted right on top, but I did enjoy this post immensely! My awesome thing would be my 7 year-old daughter telling me about her dream last night. It involved a duck flying beside the car that took a shirt, spoke English, and wanted glasses just like my daughter…oh and dancing dogs!

  9. It’s summer and I miss amusement parks at this time of year, so it is totally awesome when you are expecting a long line for a ride but get graced when you can run through the maze of rope lines to your ride without a wait at all! This means you get to ride straight after again if you want to.

  10. Not sure if any of these have been done before, but…

    Getting to the bus stop just as your bus pulls up – AWESOME!
    Sunshowers with a rainbow to boot – AWESOME!
    The first time you take a hot shower after a long, stinky week at camp – AWESOME!
    Dancing on the beach at sunset – AWESOME!
    When you’re making a new friend and you make them laugh for the first time OR they reveal a crazy unexpected quirk for the first time…so pretty much making new friends – AWESOME!

    Okay, this is addictive. I’ll stop now. :D

  12. Being surrounded by a cirle of trees and nothing but a bright starry sky above, in the middle of who knows where, lost, yet secure….AWESOME

  13. Loving and supportive parents – and finally realizing how wonderful they are and having them still around so that you can tell them how AWESOME they are.

  14. Watching my six year old who was eating popcorn, go get himself a (reusable) bottle of water AND bring one back (unasked) for his three year old sister. Her saying about a minute later “Thanks for the water. You’re the best brother ever”. AWESOME

  15. Driving to the place you want to park and seeing an available space right were you wanted to be. AWESOME

  16. Having a power outage in the middle of writing one of the hardest finals of your life! They cancel the test and now you don’t have to worry about it bringing down your mark. AWESOME!

  17. Eating things in one bite.
    For example:
    Sushi
    Two-bite brownies
    Cupcakes
    That one giant chip in the bag

    AWESOME. >:D

  18. Opposable thumbs! When I sprained my thumb and went without using it for a week, it was AWESOME when I could grasp things again.

  20. The weather being sunny when you really need it to be (like on the day of a big outdoor party you planned or when you’re going camping)
    -AWSOME!

  22. watching a deer when it can’t see you, awesome!
    handmade decor, awesome!
    those few days when your space is actually clean, awesome!
    pets learning about the crazy concept of mirrors, awesome!
    when your sunburn finally turns into a tan, awesome!
    footie pajamas, awesome!
    buying a dress online and it fits perfectly, awesome!
    watching your favorite movie from when you were a kid, awesome!
    picking up your cell phone at the exact same time as you receive a message/call, awesome!
    okay, maybe i should stop XP (or buy the journal of awesome to record more!)

    1. Don’tknow if I’m too late in the game but here goes anyway:
      *Watching an entire family of deer eating wild berries and you tell them you’re just passing through, trying to get to the paths other side and *they* decide you’re alright, it’s all good and fine:)

  23. Having a “Book of Awesome” activity at camp and watching 50 kids come up with their own topics… AWESOME!

    Some examples:
    “Making the last goal in the soccer game right before free choice ends.”
    “Winning [a card game] in one single round”
    “Getting sushi that has just the right amount of rice”

  26. In the middle of my book club “sharing” favorite reads, I was sandwiched between Hunger Games and Shades Of Gray. Nothing more uplifting and timeless than a little AWESOMENESS. It was proven to steal the thunder as the group got into making their lists. Sorry mindless followers…….no I’m not, I was proud to share your books and website with my friends. Maybe a movie deal of your own. LAUGHING.

  27. Seeing the car lights reflected on the wet road at night, when it rains, AWESOME!
    Getting food from my parents even though I am now 31 years old, AWESOME!
    Pj’s fresh out of the dryer, AWESOME!
    Planning a trip, AWESOME!
    Many years ago, I started asking people to write a list of 20 things they enjoy in life and put all those lists in a little book. Looking at it, it reminds me that there is an endless number of AWESOME things in life, and that after some years, your list will probably change, but there will always be more awesome things waiting for you right around the corner. Thank you Neil for reminding us day after day :D

  28. Oah, I love antiques. I would say that those 1930’s and 40’s green-tinted glass coke-a-cola bottles, the ones that weigh nearly a pound without any soda pop at all, those are so very very special. Hold one, and you can feel the oldness, it’s weight in glass something that would never be made today.

  29. The way everyone becomes your best friend when you bring treats to school is just plain AWESOME.

  30. And when you come to school the next day without treats and you still have a bunch of friends, well, that too is just really AWESOME.

  31. Putting a bright colored streak in your hair, just for fun. It makes people happy & that makes me happy, too! Spreading joy is AWESOME!

  33. Seeing your mother after a long long time, cuddling up and saying nothing… the feeling, AWESOME!

  35. That wonderful feeling when even if you’ve been on holiday and had a great time, the door of the airplane opens at your local airport and the smell of home hits you. In most cases the first thing you feel when you get here is a rush of humidity blocking out fresh air, but then go down on the runway and it feels like that one place you know you belong, even if you might have left nicer scenery behind. And it feels AWESOME! :)

  36. The awesome thing I just lived this week is noticing a small nature miracle.
    They use to say in my country that your plants grow as beautiful as your feelings are for them. But somehow, as much as I loved them, I could never grow a plant before. They all seem to die for one reason or another.
    A month ago, after moving one my own in a tinny house, I decided to plant some flowers in my garden. It costed my a fight with the mosquitos, but it worth it. From 3 types of flowers, just one defeted my bad luck. And now my garden is filled with tall purple flowers that are smiling to me each morning.

    Alina

  37. My awesome thing is walking up to my two month old nephew, tickling his tummy and getting a wide bright eyed smile in return! Nothing beats that!

  38. My awesome thing is water. We drink it, swim in it, are mostly made of it and unfortunately take it for granted. If everyone in the world had access to clean fresh water, that would be AWESOME!

  39. I hardly ever eat hot dogs, because we don’t have hot dog vendors here! But when I do get one, I vary my toppings/sausage technique. We only ever get them when we get dragged to Bunnings by Dad and there’s a fundraiser sausage sizzle, or at Dad’s work Christmas parties when we get sausage sizzles for lunch, or at our House day at school every year :)
    And as for the calender, well I’d dearly love one! I don’t even have a calender for this year. Here’s an awesome thing I experienced the other day and added to my list:
    -Paying with foreign money and getting away with it

    1. Or:
      -When you’re not even close with someone and they really like you and want to be friends.
      That’s been a first experience for me!

      1. I’ve only really paid with foreign money once. It was the one time I was in Canada, I paid with US money, but they accept it there it wasn’t a problem or anything.

        1. That’s lucky! I had in mind the other day when I accidentally used a New Zealand 20c coin instead of an Australian one. It’s not that big a deal but I still felt sneaky!

            1. Well, yes, now you know my secret… I am a trouble maker!! Haha not really. I’m just lazy :P I’ve been classed a ‘rebel nerd’.

              1. Dear ‘Rebel Nerd’~ you are also an awesome singer! And I just want everyone here to know, I received Emmy and choir’s *double CD~ the song selections and recording quality are marvelous, magnificent, heart-warming, uplifting and of course~ AWESOME!!
                Thanks again Emmy-Zosia and friends…you are much more than the topping on the hot dog~ you are the icing on the cake kind of Awesome:)

  40. Awesome thing:
    Reading an author’s series over and over again, then realising that you’ve never seen the author’s face.
    It’s an exiciting moment when you finally look it up, or wath on tv, or anywhere else. You finally see that author, or that character in the movie even a celebrity.
    AWESOME!

  41. Getting the exact food item you’ve been craving:

    I get coffee about 3-4 times a week, but always switch up what flavor I get and whether it’s hot or iced. Normally it’s a french vanilla or mocha at the big chain store, but every once and a while I go to a local place. I really wanted a coffee from the local spot today, where there are about 30 different flavors to choose from. With so many choices, how do you decide? I went with the first one I saw that I knew I liked, which today ended up being pumpkin cheesecake. Now the next big choice: hot or iced? In a split second decision, I went with hot. No turning back now. I just have to wait for the coffee and pay.

    That first sip of the magical brew was like heaven! I knew today would be an awesome day as soon as I tasted it, and nothing will be able to get me down. :D

  42. When your boss surprises you and lets you go home early (or even take off!) on your birthday. AWESOME!

  43. My awesome thing is when you wake up after surgery and as the fog clears you see the smiling face of your Mom looking at you — really closely — and you know everything’s going to be okay.

  44. Digging holes at the beach!
    You can dig and dig and create a masterpiece.. And then the water comes in and the only option is to JUST KEEP DIGGING! Trying to race the neverending tide equals unending enjoyment. Awesome.

  45. Probably been said before but:
    Anticipation. Is there any feeling better than 2 hours before a concert you know will be great? Or looking forward to getting away with friends/loved ones on a planned trip, counting down the hours on a Friday afternoon? How about finally having the guts to ask someone out and then get a yes?
    These are the moments of AWESOME that keep me going!

  46. New batteries in your battery-operated toothbrush.
    I have to admit, I am a “battery squeezer”. Once the batteries start to run down in anything, I will take the batteries out, shake them, and put them back in, opposite of the way they came out because (in my mind) I feel that there are still atoms of life left in those batteries. They just have to be coaxed into action. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But after using my battery-operated toothbrush for weeks as a manual toothbrush, because the batteries really gave me all the life they had, and I forget to pick up more batteries at the store, until I pick them up for something else that requires batteries. I am thrilled that there are two extra batteries, the exact size I need for my toothbrush. I take the old batteries out, thank them for giving me all they had to give, place the new batteries in, push the button, and the magic that is brushing your teeth with little effort, but feeling like you just came from a cleaning at the dentist, it’s AWESOME!

  47. That first moment of relaxation when you climb into bed after a long, hard day and your whole body hurts.
    I’ve been working nights at my job for the last month. Our store is getting a renovation and I signed up for it, mostly for the extra hours. We’ve been working very hard, moving products, building pallets of product, doing “planograms”, etc. Anyone in the retail sector will know that when you completely empty a “run”, and put it all back in a different spot, or do a “plano” from scratch, you know how much work that it is.
    So when I come home, I’m wiped. I usually will have “Dinner”, have a shower, cause it’s hot in the store, and I”ve been sweating for 8 hours, and fall exhausted into bed. That first moment of sinking into my comfortable bed, able to totally, completely, relax…
    AWESOME!

      1. One more: your TV night. When YOUR show is on that night and everyone in the house knows it. It’s an unwritten rule to make sure you get control of the TV for your show(s). Awesome!

  49. Having breakfast for lunch on your day off!

    That’s my awesome for today – my day off!

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