Toronto is home to some of the best hot dog street vendors in the world. Street meat, we call it proudly, waiting in lines to get char-grilled, crisp-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside, big, brown beautiful hot dogs. The dogs usually come set perfectly in a puffy, yellow bun, like a smiling child tucked tightly into bed. Yes, it’s a glowing little beef-tube of heaven, a spicy little meat-wand of joy, the perfect company for a movie or a long walk home after the bars.
Now, despite the powerful taste-punch to the mouth the street vendor hot dog delivers, I’m sorry to say there is just one little problem: my friend, there is spillage, and plenty of it. Hot dog vendors pride themselves on their never ending array of toppings, from spicy mustard to onions, pickles to olives, sauerkraut to banana peppers. It’s a delicious den of germs just sitting out on the street in little glass jars, protected from gas fumes, building exhausts, and pigeon crap by nothing more than a large umbrella.
Now, like most people, I love hot dog toppings. But you and me, together we face a common problem: trying to balance piles of wet toppings on top of a round, slippery wiener. It ain’t easy, homes. Usually the relish slips off first, and you get those artistic looking ketchup and mayo swirls dripping onto your pants. Worst-case scenario you get a rogue pickle coated in mustard leaving a big yellow skid mark right on the belly of your T-shirt. The ladies sure love those.
I laugh, but folks: this is a serious problem.
Thankfully though, there is a solution: Yes, I’m talking about The Toppings-First Method. That’s right, believe it. Now here’s how it all goes down:
- First, ask for your bun while the hot dog is still cooking. “Mind if I get the bun first?” There, just like that. Most vendors will just hand it over, so now you’re holding a big empty hot dog bun in your hand. Everyone with me so far?
- Next is the very important bedding step. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this step. You can’t just lay your wet condiments down in the crack of the bun and expect the integrity of the bun to hold up. That would be ridiculous. No, you need to lay down a layer of condiment bedding first that gently cradles the wet toppings while preventing them from soaking through. Your ideal choices here are diced onions, pickles, or even lettuce if you have to.
- Okay, now… load that bun up like there’s no tomorrow! Just keep piling the wet toppings in there! Deep red river of ketchup, bright yellow pools of mustard, generous spoonfuls of relish. Load it up. Believe me, the dog will still fit.
- Finally, dog up! Rest that beautiful Fat Jim right down on your sugary bed of condiments. It may lay a bit high on the bun, but don’t you worry. Everything will still fit. Now the hot dog serves as shield and a guide, protecting your pants while escorting the delicious condiments into your hungry stomach below.
This is a magical technique I first learned from my friend Chad. He has perfected it to a science, where he has a very specific condiment architecture involving categorizing condiments into “wet”, “gritty”, and “cheese.” He can talk for five minutes about how relish is the most underrated topping or how proper cheese placement is key to fine melting. The point is that there are more advanced versions of this technique, but you really need to master the basics first. Sure, I’ve given you a guide. But only you can do the rest.
AWESOME!
Hey!
Let’s have some fun this week!
Want to win a free copy of The 2013 Calendar of Awesome?
Just submit an awesome thing in a comment below and one random winner will be picked at the end of the week. You can submit as many awesome things as you like! Just make sure you enter your real email address so we have a way of contacting you if you win!
Good luck!
Neil
p.s. If you order The 2013 Calendar of Awesome directly from the publisher here, you can type in ‘Awesome’ (without the quotes) at the checkout to get 25% off! Also available at Amazon or Barnes & Noble…
Pockets. No one can argue against the ingenuity and practicality of the pocket. Pockets make any article of clothing advance to the five-star rating. Pockets in your shirt, especially one that’s not a dress shirt? I’ll take ’em! Pockets in your pjs? Yes please. Pockets in a dress? Even better. Pockets can oftentimes replace a purse. They provide a cozy get-away for your hands, and magically enough, once you put your hands in your pockets you experience a paradigm shift, a new view of the world. Everything becomes slightly more relaxed, more tackle-able, more simplified. And as if pockets weren’t good enough, let’s talk about other people’s pockets, shall we? How bout the one you’re dating? Rest your hand in your honey’s back pocket and you can get away with a subtle tushy-squeeze without anyone being the wiser. Talk about…
AWESOME!!
Pockets. No one can argue against the ingenuity and practicality of the pocket. Pockets make any article of clothing advance to the five-star rating. Pockets in your shirt, especially one that’s not a dress shirt? I’ll take ‘em! Pockets in your pjs? Yes please. Pockets in a dress? Even better. Pockets can oftentimes replace a purse. They provide a cozy get-away for your hands, and magically enough, once you put your hands in your pockets you experience a paradigm shift, a new view of the world. Everything becomes slightly more relaxed, more tackle-able, more simplified. And as if pockets weren’t good enough, let’s talk about other people’s pockets, shall we? How bout the one you’re dating? Rest your hand in your honey’s back pocket and you can get away with a subtle tushy-squeeze without anyone being the wiser. Talk about…
AWESOME!!
Finding out your recently diagnosed breast cancer did not find it’s way into the lymph nodes. Awesome!
Omg, thank god for that! My Nanna had breast cancer two years ago but luckily it didn’t get into her lymph nodes either. So congratulations!
having 100% battery on your phone or some other electronic device. :)
what, no saurkraut?
getting the promised stuff from Neil for submitting the awesome email of the week… :-)
Reading all these cool comments and ideas above – awesome.
Having your daughter tell you that you were awesome at her wedding on a public forum – awesome!!
Face-timing with my sister while she is away on vacation in Spain. Sometimes technology is just …. Awesome!
My awesome: all of the creative people here and their smashing ideas! It’s been like reading several weeks’ worth of daily awesomes at once! It’s even better ’cause I was feeling blue, yet after reading all of these posts, I’m smiling. :) Thanks!
Oh, one more awesome thing: when a friend defends you. Maybe a misunderstanding or miscommunication leads someone to question you; perhaps someone disparages your latest project; or maybe someone disagrees with your point…and then your friend quickly jumps to your defense. That’s when you say, “Thank you for being a friend!” :)
Dental X rays that don’t have to go in your mouth (no gagging!) AWESOME!
Getting the giggles in the dentist chair – AWESOME!
Getting new furniture delivered – AWESOME!
The inflatable man (wind dancer) at the car dealership who brightens your day on the way to work! – AWESOME!
The smell of breakfast – AWESOME!
New dads who are a natural with their wriggling bundle of curled up limbs and diapers! AWESOME!
Little boys who like babies – AWESOME!
Watching people enjoy their food! AWESOME!
Having a best friend who is 95! AWESOME!
The Book(s) of Awesome! AWESOME!
Having a long list of AWESOME things to comment about!! :)
Receiving a complement from a stranger…AWESOME!
Today I was in Boston and I tried to spread a little awesomeness around by asking groups if they wanted me to take a picture with all of them in it for them (did this twice!) and complemented several people on the street regarding their attire because I know just how awesome it feels to have a stranger say something nice to you; it can change your whole mood.
This blog and your books have changed my life for the better in so many ways. I would love to win the calendar and have some extra awesomeness in my life.
Ha! I just put that one on my own list yesterday :D I got a compliment at the bank yesterday, our teller went away to check something and another woman crept over and said “I just I’d take a sticky beak at your headband… It’s very unusual isn’t it! It’s different.” I take it she liked it. It’s a wire wrapped with white ribbon with little fake white flowers on it, and it ties in a bow at the back. My favourite! I often chicken out when I want to say to a stranger I like something they’re wearing, but when I do I feel so good and I make them smile!
Well, one ‘awesome’ thing is giveaways…speaking of giveaways, here are a few awesome things so I can enter!
1.A soft kitten laying on your chest (seriously, you can feel them purr. It’s amazing.)
2.Taking your bra off at the end of a long day (Okay, this one’s mostly for girls…but trust me, it’s awesome.)
3. Looking back and laughing at your childhood self (I made a story about dinosaurs…and I was convinced that a girl in my class was ‘stealing’ my friend)
4. Capoeira. Enough said.
5. That ache in your muscles the day after a hard workout
Got some good ones there!! But sorry, Neil’s already done the bra one! Ha who’d a thunk? And what’s…. Copeira, or whatever you said :P I’ve got some more too!
-Smelling something just for an instant and being reminded of a favourite place you’ve been (every time I get out of my grandpa’s car it reminds me of Rotorua where I went on our choir tour in 2010. It’s probably terrible for my lungs and the environment but it always makes me smile)
-Fine days with stormy nights
-When you come to recognise someone’s laugh
-People with great laughs
-Bringing homemade food to share with your class as a surprise just because you feel like it
-That feeling after the headache goes
-When you go to the toilet after someone’s had a shower and the toilet paper’s not soggy
-When your brand new shoes don’t give you blisters
-When the thing you ordered comes much sooner than you thought it would (I had been looking for months for the perfect pairs of boots and I finally found the right ones but they didn’t have my size and the only other stores that had them in Australia were 2 in Melbourne! So they ordered them for us and they came THE NEXT DAY. That’s Victoria to WA :D So ya, I wore them an hour and a half later, and they didn’t give me blisters. And hence my next awesome thing:)
-Successful shopping days
-I could go on forever!!
When someone in line with you gives you a coupon you didn’t know about! AWESOME!!!
Foam soap… just when you think it’s going to be boring old liquid soap, a squirt of foamy soap makes washing hands more fun :) AWESOME!!!
I got Raspberry one of these the other day! IT’S AWESOME!
Getting your food to look just like the “suggested serving” picture. If your salad is that perfect medley of colours or the peanut butter on your toast spread perfectly…. AWESOME!!!
When an OREO perfectly splits in half… AWESOME!!!
Dancing in the rain, something that everyone should do at least once in their life… AWESOME!!!
Getting through the day on a cellphone battery that could die any second. You took the risk and were successful! AWESOME!!!
Finding money in random places… between the couch, in your back pocket. It doesn’t matter where, but this simple things puts a smile on your face and adds a bit of AWESOME to your day :)
Being the favourite… amongst all the others around, you know that you’ll get a hug first, get that extra-special homemade card or just be that person’s best friend. (just don’t let the others you that you think you’re the favourite!) AWESOME!!!
Getting the perfect natural tan. It’s hard, but a huge feat if accomplished! AWESOME!!!
When it’s your time to say “Back when I was a kid…” You heard it from your own parents all through your childhood, so the first time you can say this is pretty AWESOME!!!
Getting things in the mail on the soonest day. It could arrive anywhere but 2-10 business days, so when it makes it to you in just 2 days, you’ve got to smile because it’s AWESOME!!!
Crossing something off your to-do list (has Neil already done this one– it seems familiar? Oh well, it’s just that awesome!) It feels like a great sense of accomplishment, especially when the task has been sitting on that list forever… AWESOME!!!
I believe he might’ve done this, but it’s good all over again! I recall commenting about my own to-do list methods: if I do something and it wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it just so I can cross it off and I look so accomplished for the day!
Ahaha, you are not alone (I do this all the time too!)
Inside jokes. Only you and someone else find a simple comment or a sign you drive by on the highway so hilarious. It’s like your secret, your source of laughter, and it’s definitely AWESOME!!!
When you are about to call someone and then guess who calls you first? You weren’t just thinking of them, but they were also thinking of you too. It can be kind of strange, but also AWESOME!!!
Being the last at your table to get their food brought in. Some may argue that first is best, but when you’re last, everyone is waiting to see what awesome meal you ordered, you might get the snack on a few french fries from someone else’s plate while you wait, and when your food comes in, it’s nice and hot, the centre of attention and best thing is– it’s yours! Best till last…. pretty AWESOME!!!
Getting that much-needed rainfall so that your grass is no longer the equivalent of straw. AWESOME!
Having a website to share and discuss pure POSITIVITY with people from around the world, courtesy of Neil Pasricha. AWESOME.
Flipping your breakfast pancakes at the perfect time – golden brown, baby!
AWESOME.
Just gave blood along with a few of my colleagues from the office. It was my 95th donation!
Today, the value of our donation was made even more real as one of the nurses told me about her 4-year-old daughter whose body stopped producing platelets. She bruised herself and began to haemorrhage in the elbow area. Testing showed that her platelet count was at 3K (normal range is 150K – 450K). After a blood transfusion her count rose to 45K, then 58K and finally 210K by the time the transfusion was complete. As the nurse said “the impact was immediate. She wouldn’t be with us today if it wasn’t for generous donors like you.” Gives you a lump in your throat for sure…
The fact that this little life-saving act costs nothing to do and makes you feel on top of the world is AWESOME!
Thank you for donating, Valerie. :)
I think that finding out you are good at something (playing piano, knitting, etc.) even though you haven’t had any past experience is AWESOME! (It happened to me yesterday)
Gorgeous and rebellious wildflowers growing along the side of a city street…where they’re not “supposed” to. AWESOME!
The feeling when a brain freeze wears off — my head never felt so good.
Awesome!
Watching a sunset and/or a sunrise is AWESOME!!
I discovered an AWESOME on vacation at the lake this summer: A day with no underwear! Also known as bathing suits all day.
Step 1: Wake up in pajamas
Step 2: Put on bathing suit and go jump in the lake – no shower required.
Step 3: Switch to a dry bathing suit so I don’t have a soggy bottom for breakfast.
Step 4: Swim again
Step 5: Dry off in the sun while reading a great book
Step 6: Eat next meal
Repeat steps 4 -6 as needed
Step 7: Build campfire
Step 8: Eat smores
Step 9: Put on pajamas and realize it’s been a no-underwear day!
That’s no panties AND no bra…truly Awesome!
-Leaving work early! AWESOME!
I’ve never eaten a hot dog (not popular where i live) but after reading this i really want one! My awesome thing is going swimming on a really hot day and having water fights in the pool too!!
Having a weird talent. Can you cross your eyes, lick your elbow or touch your tongue to your nose? If so, AWESOME!
Water washing off chalk and flowing off the driveway. I find this fascinating for some reason, perhaps it’s the variety of colours all mixing together, but either way, it’s AWESOME!
singing in the shower. When no one’s home, the water is blasting and you’re in the mood for a song, nothing beats a melody sung by your booming voice in the shower :)
When the sun is shining amidst the rain falling… AWESOME!!!
When someone notices a small detail. Maybe it’s your hair trim or your new glasses, but a simple compliment goes a long way! AWESOME!!!
FInding exactly what you’re looking for and it’s on sale!!! You would’ve bought it either way, but this just makes it even more AWESOME!!!
Your time. Does anyone else have this? Whenever I look at the time it’s 10:09. Strange but also AWESOME!!!
Vacations. Pretty self-explanatory. Yes, most definitely AWESOME!
Inspiring quotes. Those quotes that push you through anything. They stick with you through everything. You tell them to everyone (just to be inspirational!) AWESOME :)
The no-talking-necessary hug. Sharing in a moment of sympathy and complete understanding even though no one has said a word. AWESOME!
When you win a game of luck. You never know when luck is on your side, so when it is, it’s AWESOME!
Traditions… every family has them. However weird they can be, they are all AWESOME!!!