Dirt is everywhere.

Just look around the house for a second here. What’s that in your phone receiver? What’s all over the bottom of your Tupperware cupboard? And what’s that coating your own … face?

If you said horribly sore bright red zits that’s only half the answer.

The other half is dirt.

Of course, when you think about it we’re all living on dirt our whole lives. Yes, a big crusty chunk of it miles and miles deep coats our entire planet. This crusty chunk is aptly named The Crust and it’s a pretty good equalizer. After all, young or old, rich or poor, Californian or Mongolian, you live on dirt. The only exception are Ewoks.

So it makes sense that our mouse balls would get clogged with thick piles of dirt regularly. Dust balls, flower pollen, and slowly disintegrating fingernails all eventually make their way to your mouse pad, where they are quickly swallowed up by your mouse ball cavity.

If that sounds disgusting it’s because it is.

Baby, that’s why it feels so great to finally twist open the bottom of your mouse and scrape out all the collected filth inside. Cat hair, dog hair, dust from the couch, it doesn’t matter. Nope, what matters is how great it feels to finally get that dirty out of your mouseball and get smooth-rolling again.

Unwind a paper clip and jam it in there if you really want to get it all out.

Or a really sharp pencil.

Or a toothpick.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

Because what are they thinking?

Honestly, when I wake up in the morning and remember jagged shards of Dreams From Last Night, I’m usually just picking up familiar friends and family staging new acts in old places. Maybe I’ve got boring dreams but mine are usually just tense scenes twisting parts of my past into new storylines.

That’s why whenever I see a baby sleeping I can’t help wonder what they’re dreaming about. I picture blurry faces, banana smears, and twisty head spins involving swishy sounds, wild thoughts, and cuddling voices.

I wish they could tell us.

I bet they’d be really

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

There is no limit.

When you get the itch to go for it you can keep going all the way to the top.

No one will tell you to stop.

You can study and study and try and try and dream to go far and dream to go high.

If you believe it can be, it can be.

There’s no end to what you can achieve.

But on the way there enjoy small victories best.

Like when your dad puts a magnet on your A+ math test.

Because every time mom puts paintings up in your kitchen.

It keeps your dreams dreaming and keeps your wishes wishing.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

It’s like playing a harp with only one note.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Books, blow dryers, babies in baskets.

These are all things we’d like back.

These are all things we usually get back.

But somehow it’s different with pens. When someone borrows one it’s like they’re immediately shipped to the Island of Misfit Toys with the rest of their often-borrowed-rarely-returned brothers and sisters. Since nobody wants to be the whiner asking for their paperclip or hair elastic, these misfits just disappear into the abyss.

And that’s what makes it so great when someone actually gives you your pen back. It’s almost like getting a gift. “Wow, thanks,” you mutter, as the guy filling his customs form beside you on the plane passes back your ballpoint.

“Never thought I’d see this again.”

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

An airborne hug is any hug where you actually lift the other person off the ground. It’s a serious squeeze that shows the world how much you love them and offers a little back cracking at no extra charge.

AWESOME!

I always break my taco’s back.

Yes, it’s a sad and painful moment which involves me picking up a hard-shell taco and very gently squeezing it together so I can fit it in my mouth. But then just before I can bite, a loud splintery crack fills the air and I notice I’ve just given my taco a career-ending spinal injury by splitting it into two giant half-circle nachos barely squeezing the greasy meat, cheese, and lettuce together.

The next thirty seconds are a tornado chomping blur as I bite hard and fast to avoid the entire taco crumbling into a pathetic wet beaver’s dam of splintered shells, sour cream smears, and grease drops.

It doesn’t always work and I’m often left a pathetic mess with greasy fingers, bits of tomato in my hair, and a fine dusting of taco shell sprinkled on my pants.

And that’s why it’s great when someone actually manages to eats a taco without anything falling out.

Because we didn’t think you could do it.

And you proved us all wrong.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

Mother Nature likes to mess.

Honestly, when she gets crazy it’s time to watch out, everybody. Swirling oceans, spinning winds, icy rain drops — you never know what she’s got cooking in the atmosphere. One of her off-the-menu specials is definitely a fresh batch of clear blue skies with rain at the same time. Yes, these rare sun showery gems are great for three big reasons:

1. Petunia Heaven. Since flowers need water and sunlight to live the sun shower is the best of both worlds. Have you ever taken a nap while eating? Or breathed while going to the bathroom? Then you know the beauty of the 2 for 1 Life Thing special.

2. High rainbow probability. Not including ones on Lucky Charms boxes or trippy Internet videos, I’ve seen maybe five or ten high quality rainbows in my life. Tops! Yes, I am in serious Rainbow Deficit, people. So naturally I’m always on the lookout for my pal Curvy Roy G. and when I spot him I just admire the view.

3. Freshen Up Your Life. Mentos may be the freshmaker but sun showers are a close second. They sprinkle down when you’re sweating buckets on sticky days and last just long enough to give you a welcome rinse. The universe sees your pit stains and wants to help.

Yes, seeing sun showers is like being on a pricey Hollywood set where somebody in production pressed the rain button before a big scene but forgot to press the cloud button, too.

But their mistake is our enjoyment.

Three cheers for sun showers today.

Hip hip, hooray!

Hip hip, hooray!

Hip hip,

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

It’s the sound of life.

Listening to the sound of a stomach chowing down on a greasy hot dog is listening to the sound of a body filling up with energy. Ketchup, mustard, pickles — they’re all magically getting transmogrified into molecules of you and molecules of poo. Amen, sing it to your mama.

Putting your ear on someone’s stomach and hearing all the tiny fizzpops and spin-gurgles having a blast on the inside is a strangely beautiful moment of intimacy and an ear-twinkling moment of

AWESOME!

Photos from: here

What’s that on your arm?

Wait, let me guess — is it a giant smear of white sunblock gooing up your arm hairs? Brother, I been there too. And I guarantee my arms are more gorilla than you, so whenever I’m thick-blobbing it on the back deck before the barbecue it feels like I’m petting a dog with paint. Soon I’ll be helplessly wagging my drippy hands in your face asking if I can please wipe my sunblock overdose all over you.

Of course, when I’m not overdoing it I usually have the opposite issue — squeezing out barely enough to cover a shin and two palms. Then I’m the guy getting the bottle all greasy with my slippery paws as I try to frantically fart-squeeze more out of the container to cover up.

Yes, that’s what makes it great when I actually squeeze out the right amount of sunblock. No double-dipping, no double-dripping — just enough of the cool n’ creamy to cover myself up in style.

Cover your skin for the summertime win.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here