#703 Finding the perfect patch of grass to sit on at the park

perfect patch of grassHere’s how to find that magic grass:

1. Dampness Double-Check. Nobody likes a wet bottom. Keep your backside dry by spying classic signs like slightly dipped areas that pool water or permanently shaded patches that don’t dry up. May also be worth tapping the ground to check with your hand or doing a 5-second Practice Sit, which involves sitting down and staring straight ahead while activating the cold, wet sensors in your sweatpants.

2. Sticks and stones. They may break your bones, but more importantly they’re just no fun to sit on because they’ll jab your rear and slip in your pockets. Plus, they’re a dangerous omen of protruding tree roots, prickly weeds, and grassless patches of hard dirt. Stay away.

3. Temp check. On hot days you’re looking for shady patches under tall trees, on cool days you’re scoping sunny spots by the sandbox, and sometimes you can’t decide so you search for that perfect square of half-and-half.

stay away from these guys4. Frisbee Lookout. Some parks have a lot of activities going on. Shaggy-haired dudes in hemp necklaces and bare feet toss Frisbees, dads play catch with their kids, and tiny toddlers in T-shirts and diapers run around playing Chase The Dog or Run till you Faceplant. If you’re looking to relax, you’ve got to avoid this happy chaos.

Yes, sometimes sunny Saturday afternoons are just begging for a casual walk down to your local park. Grab a coffee, throw the kids in a stroller, or walk a dog with friends. As that warm breeze blows by just close your eyes and enjoy a few quiet minutes of relaxing and soaking it all in.


perfect patch of grassPhotos from: here, here, and here

Illustration from: here

31 thoughts on “#703 Finding the perfect patch of grass to sit on at the park

  1. Another important check, and I can’t stress this one too much, is to make sure your patch of grass has not been used as a bathroom for dogs.

  2. The DW and I are expert picnic-ers, so mastering steps 1-4 (and jdurley’s important step 5) is critical. Chad is on to something with the blanket – that’s key too.

    But Amilie pointed out an important #6. When picking a grass spot, try to avoid sitting in range of creepy stalkers with binoculars. *shudder*.

  3. My girls and I did this today! We did bring chairs, but we scoped out the shade, not near a trash can or bathroom situation. We didn’t factor in bees, though. I had to sacrifice my soda so they’d go after that instead. Put it far enough away so they don’t bug you, but not too close to the other people so they aren’t bugged, either.

  4. I can appreciate this, but I don’t sit in grass, ever. It makes me itch like no tomorrow. I don’t even like to walk in it unless I’m wearing socks that come up to past my ankles.

  5. We just layed lawn this weekend and it’s as though the welcome mat was pulled out. Got to love the “Green-green grass of home”.
    (and the parks:)

  6. All of these dumb things are only considered “awesome” by weirdos, and from other comments I’ve seen, this app used to be a lot better. Feels like a total waste of money. I’ve never even been tempted to press the “awesome” button.

  7. I don’t know why people have to leave such negative comments. I love the fact that you can find joy and awesomeness in the simplest things. We all need to do that on a daily basis.

  8. Why do so many people leave Negative comments! You should all appreciate that at least some people don’t waste their life complaining!

  9. I always kneel to test for dampness. I can deal with the possible wet spot on my knee and it’s quicker than testin’ it out on my butt. :-) Can’t wait for better weather!!!

  10. Walking barefoot in a really nice field of grass is great for your sole & soul :) just really peaceful & serene

  11. Me and my bf went to the park and we food the PERFECT grass…. Until the Italian family reunion started ….. NOT FUN

  12. i did that once. wearing white shorts, i thought i sat on the dry part but my friend did so i got the wet part!! sometimes i dont have the best of luck.

  13. Yes!!! Perfect place to put your blanket. Ooooo backstory, so once on field day everyone had to sit down except the chaperones, but since I am allergic to grass (if it breaks the skin it will get swollen and pus will come out if it) I got to stand up. So when meanie Andrea told on me Mrs. Alexander said “Lizzy you have to sit down” and I said “No I don’t because I’m allergic to grass” and she said “Oh, you poor lamb, I’ll get you a chair” and I stuck my tongue at meanie Andrea. Good times. :)

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