#534 Catching food in your mouth

Neil Pasricha

Toss it mean and catch it clean.

Drop that jaw, tilt that head, and let’s get down to business:

• Level 1: Pop Practice. It’s important to start small with popcorn. There are no penalties for misses here, since the corn is light and doesn’t collect much dust if it hits the ground. This is a baby step and it will take time to master, but it’s an important rite of passage before hitting the next levels. (Note: In some circles, this level also covers marshmallows, Cheerios, and Corn Pops.) 5 points.

• Level 2: The Grape Beyond. Yup, next step is big ol’ grapes. Usually someone on the other end of the movie couch is munching on the vine in their own little bowl. If you’re feeling a bit hungry, simply drop your mouth and tap the couch cushion while saying ‘Uhn! Uhnnnnn!’ to get their attention. Soon a cold, hard grape should be flying fast at you. If the toss is good you should catch it perfectly. Other fruits like raspberries and strawberries fit here as well. 10 points.

• Level 3: Dog On A Bone. This extremely advanced move involves catching something larger than your actual mouth. An apple, peeled orange, or corn on a cob are good targets. You need to time the molar chomp perfectly and be prepared for embarrassing T-shirt stains and a black eye. 25 points.

Yes, when you catch food in your mouth you’re suddenly sitting high on top of the snack-eating universe. You’ve just combined equal parts laziness and athletic ability in a daring couch potato feat the likes of which this family room has never seen before. So when you nail it smoothly you know what to do.

Chomp it loud.

Chew it proud.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

1,494 thoughts to “#534 Catching food in your mouth”

  1. Going home.
    Whether it is at the end of the day, when you realize you’re done working and you’re returning to that safe place you love, or when a vacation ends, nothing like sleeping in your own bed with your own pillow. Going back home can only be described as AWESOME.

    1. I completely agree with you. Despite trying to fight it I am a total homebody and nothing compares to being home and sleeping in your own bed.

  2. This one will only apply to a very small number of geeky people but here goes….

    Making anachronistic “bow chica bow wow” noises during Jane Austin movies: Awesome

  3. When your 15 year old, blind and deaf dog runs away and you spend the night searching for him. When you think he must be dead for sure, because he can’t find his way around the lounge room let alone the neighborhood. When you have posted signs and heard nothing. Just then, right before you tell the kids their lifelong best friend is missing, there he is. Found his way home. Dirty and hungry but HOME. AWESOME!!

    1. Oh wow, I’m so happy for you that your dog came home! That’s a very touching story, and certainly awesome. It makes me think of the movie Homeward Bound.

  4. Definitely wiggly newborn babies.

    They are just so wiggly when they try to move since they have to actual motor skills yet so they just fling their arms and legs around like they’re doing a fantastic secret baby dance. Cutest. thing. ever!

    1. Congrats! I know where you’re coming from: just got my first acceptance letter to law school…such a huge weight off my shoulders!

  7. Finding something you thought you lost and would eventually have to replace.

    We’ve all done it: cell phone, keys, favorite shirt, important work document.

    First, we are overcome by sheer panic, scrambling helplessly around our homes and through our cars to locate that one item…you know, the one we just had TWO hours ago. We frantically retrace our steps, tossing aside anything that gets in our way and clearing tables, desks, and counter tops. Our hearts are beating (we swear!) five hundred beats per second. If that passport (or checkbook or file cabinet key or basketball jersey) doesn’t show up soon, our lives will, without a doubt, end momentarily.

    We’re frustrated. We blame everyone…and I mean EVERYONE…in sight. “If Sparky didn’t need fed as soon as I got home, I would have remembered to put my Visa card back in the drawer.” “If my daughter’s teacher didn’t give her homework every night, I would have thought about a safe place to put my yearly review papers.”

    After we’ve called in the troops (our kids, our spouse, Larry the neighbor boy, Sandy the goldfish) to help us locate our lost treasure and it still does not appear, we begin to deal with and accept that it has gone missing…forever.

    Three weeks later, long after we have accepted that we will never find those car keys BAM! There they are, right where we left them…in that pocket of our purse that we NEVER use. We overflow with joy. Life has been restored. We can sleep at night. We can eat again without feeling naseaous. We hug strangers. We high-five our pets.

    Now, that’s awesome.

  8. Taking a shower after you’ve gotten really dirty and watching all the dirt run down the drain.

    Shaving after a long while of not shaving.

  9. High school dances. They may not be the most enjoyable time for most people, but they are one of the most iconic and memorable experiences of high school life. Sock hops were definitely more clean cut fun, but grinding it up in the new millennium is pretty fun too.

  10. When Someone Kisses Your Ouchie and It Instantly Feels Better

    Confession: I am a clumsy person. Not fragile, mind you, but bump-into-walls, stub-my-toe-on-the-desk, slip-on-the-only-wet-spot-in-the-room clumsy. Grace is by no means my middle name. And to make things worse, I bruise easily. So at any given moment, there are several odd-colored bruises and superficial scrapes on my body from the minor disasters that occur whenever I start walking.

    It’s always been this way. I have a rather high tolerance for pain, probably due to the fact that I’d be bawling 24/7 if I shed a tear every time I didn’t make it around the corner without bumping my shoulder or knee on a clearly visible object.

    But no matter how tough, there are still times when even the clumsiest feel some pain (and embarrassment). That’s where your grandmother comes in. Everyone knows that it’s written in the Grandmother’s Handbook that she MUST kiss your boo-boo, and probably your whole face while she’s at it, or the wound will never recover. Sure, it’s embarrassing when you’re in middle school, but secretly you appreciate the gesture and feel just as great as you did when you were a kid.

    Now fast-forward a few years. You’re a real person and you’ve moved away from your grandmother. Mistake. Now, if you’re as clumsy as I am, you apparently have to live in constant pain and suffering.

    Not so fast. All souls fortunate enough to have known their grandmother learned of the secret medicinal power that lies in a kiss. And you discover that even though it works about 20x better when your grandmother does it, the source of the kiss is not as important as the act itself.

    Case and point: Recently I was enjoying the warm weather by donning a dress to school. I bent down to help my favorite second grade boy tie his shoes. Little did I know, I had cut myself on something, leaving behind a little red line on my knee. Before I had time to contemplate where this mysterious cut had come from, my pain vanished. He had kissed my ouchie and smiled at me sweetly, knowing that he had pretty much just saved my life. At the very least, it made my day.

    So don’t worry if you can’t find your grandmother. And don’t let the fact that you haven’t even had kids yet, much less grandkids, stop you from prescribing that perfect medicine. Whether your grandmother does it, your mom, your boyfriend, or a red-headed second-grader, kissing bruises and scrapes is always awesome.

  11. Sunshine

    I have discovered that my body needs sunshine to live. Perhaps I am part plant?

    Evidence: For nearly two weeks in a row, we had seen only fog and blackened, yucky snow. The temperature has risen, at least, to the mild mid-40s/low-50s range, yet the cloud-cover creates an atmosphere of dreariness and lethargy. The alarm goes off at 6:30, yet I find myself unable to get out of bed until I realize that I only have about 10 minutes until I need to rush out the door to make it to school on time, which means I snoozed for more than an hour. How can one expect to get out of bed when it’s still dark outside? I make it to school only to realize that I am still half-asleep and desperately need the help of coffee to blast through the effects of the gloomy weather. We don’t go outside for recess, because nobody wants to deal with (or smell) cold, wet first graders. Staying inside induces a sort of cabin fever because I have not felt fresh air all day, nor would I like to since the fresh air is actually damp and unpleasant. I won’t go so far as to say that I have developed Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), but I am definitely experiencing a need for sunshine before I shrivel up into my Snuggie and become totally unproductive.

    Then today, when the alarm went off, I could see everything in my room by the natural light streaming in through the window. I snoozed for a mere 30 minutes (hey, just because it’s light outside doesn’t mean I’m not super comfy under my covers!) and awoke with plenty of time to eat breakfast, shower and get dressed before Mass. I didn’t need a coat in the 50+ degree weather. I sang along with Simon and Garfunkel in the car as I drove past green grass and only tiny patches of the dirty snow. I feel more awake, more energized and overall happier. Coincidence? I think not. Yes, I need food and water and oxygen, but let’s not forget about the glorious wonders of sunshine as well. And this is not just some dreamy, rose-colored outlook on life. It’s science:

    1. Studies have shown that sunshine stimulates serotonin production. Serotonin makes you happy.

    2. Studies have shown that sunshine stimulates melatonin production. Melatonin helps regulate the biological clock, so we need less sleep.

    3. 90% of our Vitamin D comes from the sun. Vitamin D helps lower cholesterol, fights heart disease, strengthens bones and teeth, regulates the immune system, and might even slow the aging process.

    4. Let’s not forget that a healthy amount of sunshine can give you a nice tan, too.

    So it’s true, the sun is good for you. The sun is your friend. Yeah, if you stay out too long it might give you skin cancer, but we’re just talking about 10-15 minutes a day. Plus, even if you’re inside, it makes looking out the window more enjoyable and provides more pleasant lighting than those nasty flourescents. So don’t take it for granted. Park farther away when you go to the store, make excuses to go check the mailbox, or if you’re really bold, put on a coat and have a picnic or take a walk – who says you can’t enjoy the outdoors in January? If it’s sunny, I’m in!

    2. Just 10-15 minutes a day? Wear sunscreen and stay out for hours. Besides, now the rule is to let kids go without sunscreen about 20 minutes a day in the sun to help produce Vitamin D, just not when the sun is at it’s peak. Then get the sunscreen on to prevent the cancer.

      1. 10-15 minutes…at least! That’s, as you said, without sunscreen. If I’ve got some SPF-30, I’m staying out all day long!

  12. When you first get into your car in the morning and the perfect song comes blasting through your speakers to wake you up.

    You dread getting out of your super-comfy, ultra-warm bed to greet the dark and dreary morning. You drag your feet as you get dressed, brush your teeth, and proceed through the rest of your morning routine. You yawn all the way through breakfast. You trod out to the car, buckle up, turn the ignition and — “Dooon’t stop! Belieeeevin’!” comes blaring through your car stereo. You forgot to turn off the radio when you got out of the car the night before! And it’s a darn good thing you did because you desperately needed Journey to help you get through the morning. Instead of falling asleep at the wheel on your morning drive, you can rock out to “Livin’ on a Prayer” or your favorite slow jam. You forget you were ever tired.

    This has happened to me several times in the last few weeks. I absolutely loathe getting out of bed, but when I hear that perfect song in the morning, my scowls and grumblings vanish faster than I can say “Sunday, Bloody, Sunday.” So think twice before you turn those tunes off because you never know when you might get a morning jolt of

    AWESOME!

    1. Awesome indeed! My friends think I’m crazy for doing that but it’s the only way to drink chocolate milk!

  14. Waking up to find the next ‘Awesome’ post already published.. AWESOME!

  15. People who invent things.

    Watch one episode of “How It’s Made” and you will be left with the wonder of people’s intelligence. Thank you, mechanically inclined minds, for inventing things. Awesome!

  17. Being an adult!!

    Because now you can do all those things you always wanted to do! You can eat your dessert first, you can drink pop instead of milk, you can eat all the candy and ice cream you want, and you can even stay up past your bedtime.

    1. Being a kid!!

      Knowing that there are physical beings that know everything and can fix any problem, and never really doubting it.

      Being exited about growing, although there’s not much you can do about it.

      Believing in magic in its many forms. Believing that others want what’s best for you.

      Knowing that there will be a day that you’re an adult, and being exited for years over it.

      1. I’m with Jay …

        Being a Kid > Being an Adult

        :D

        Being an adult who knows how to have fun like a kid? The best!

  18. After winter I love seeing all the new plants peeking out of the ground; its awesome to be “rewarded” after cold and snow with springtime flowers and green grass!

  19. Hot drinks on a crazy cold day. It warms your body and your numb fingers at the same time!

  20. When you make a guess to something and it just so happens to be right.

    This works for a test that you completely forgot about until you walk into class and just randomly guess on every answer and it turns out you get most of them correct. Also works for when your put on the spot at work or in a conversation and you nervously shout out an answer and…yes, it’s right…
    AWESOME.

  21. The most AWESOME thing in the entire world has got to be when someone does something else for a stranger. Just today in my ceramics class, I was washing my hands when a random classmate came over, handed me some paper towels, and said “Here, I think you need these.”. When I went to thank him for the gesture, he was gone! It made my day so much better knowing that there are people still out there who will take the time and effort to help out someone else. When someone picks up that dime you dropped, open the door, lets you go first or otherwise do something nice, let them know that they are, of course,

    AWESOME!!!!

  22. Dry ice (aka frozen carbon dioxide).

    So cold that you shouldn’t touch it with your bare hands, this cool solid makes a nice cloud of smoke — intensified when put in water.

    http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs078.snc3/14555_646486873304_34300743_38041936_4404186_n.jpg

    See, with the above, we’re both learning much from the baby AND enjoying dry ice. Double whammy of awesome.

    You can also add soap into the mix and make some sweet, “smoke” filled bubbles.

    http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs058.snc3/14555_646486968114_34300743_38041953_2033990_n.jpg

    Aside from the fun you can have with it, it also has several practical uses, like keeping food, drinks, and hospital supplies cool without making anything wet (because when it melts, it turns back into CO2!).

    1. Or having a dream about an old friend you haven’t talked to in a while, smiling about the dream on your way to work, then getting a call or email from them that very day. It’s happened to me a few times. Weird…but AWESOME!

  24. Driving down Ventura Highway (the 101 in L.A.) when the song Ventura Highway by America comes on the radio and you sing along with a smile on your face. Bonus points if it’s sunny out (as it usually is in L.A.)

    Note: This works with any number of songs inspired by places, but this is my favorite.

    Awesome!

  25. Childhood Memories.
    Every so often, I play this game I like to call, “Remember when…” with my sister and friends. We take turns going around in a circle and just try to remember the most bazaar, outrageous inside jokes we used to have. There’s something about reminiscing on old childhood memories that puts a smile on your face. So whenever I feel a little sad, feel like I’m getting old, or just want a blast from the past I think about all those good times I’ve had in my past and let me tell you. The feeling you get is nothing but AWESOME

  30. Popping that pimple (gross… but c’mon, everybody secretly knows that they love it)

  31. That familiar feeling you get when you come across something when you loved when you were little (an old toy, book, tv show, etc)

  33. Driving solo for the first time right after you get your license. Music blasting and windows rolled down with just you and the open road. Awesome!

  34. Blowing your nose in the shower.

    No tissues needed!! (Kind of gross, but really great just the same.) :)

    1. Ahhh especially after you let the steam loosen everything up. Especially excellent for when you have a cold or allergies.

  35. Receiving a text, phone call, or special note that brightens your day and makes it that much better :)

  36. Getting all the sand out of your suit after going to to beach. You just feel so accomplished…not to mention finally comfortable.

  37. Cousins. This is especially awesome when you have many of them and they’re all around the same age. Family parties are never boring

  38. Awesome teachers. You know the ones. Maybe they’re super easy and fun. Or maybe, they will be the hardest teacher you will ever have in your life, but they make you think (in a good way), and class is actually interesting. But either way, you don’t have that feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach going to class.

    1. A truly good teacher seems as if they consider nothing more important than teaching you and your friends.

  39. No homework. Especially awesome when you get no homework from a teacher who usually gives it to you daily.

  40. Reading an amazing book. Maybe it changed your life. Maybe it made you laugh until your sides hurt. Or maybe it was so well written, you cried. I love when a book completely sucks you in and you can’t put it down.

      1. The Book Thief.

        The Hiding Place.

        Harry Potter (yes. Don’t deny it. You know you love it)

  41. Picking up the phone and your best friend is on the line…no ring…no beep…no dialtone……”Hey Joan, did you call me…no Anne, did you call me….. no I just thought I would call so I picked up.”

    AWESOME!

    1. I love this one! It’s always the same person you were going to call, too. It’s never a telemarketer or someone NOT awesome.

  42. Staying until the credits are over and finding a special surprise at the end…especially a really funny one.

    I always stay til the end of the credits, but sometimes it’s *extra* worth it :)

    1. Oh, yes. At movie theaters, my dad always makes us stay and watch the credits, and on occasion, we get rewarded with bloopers! Love them.

  43. the most amazing and awesome thing for me is being a grandma! new to this, only 5 months, it is so amazing, it is almost indescribable. i melt at when i hear his name, holding him, watching him smile, the physical development, recognition of people, ahhhh….melting….having 3 daughters, all grown now, i have loved being a mom. it is what i wanted to “be” when i grew up, a wife and mom. this grandma thing though, “mimi” to him, gives a whole new perspective on life. my daughter and i have always been close, and now we are not just a mom and daughter with that bond, we are 2 moms, who have shared experiences together, a new experience, bonding us together even closer. it is awesome!

    1. That sounds really amazing, Martha! I was unfortunately never able to be close to my grandmothers. So cherish and continue to foster that relationship, because I know it will be something you, your daughter, AND your grandson will all be able to treasure. :)

  44. Blowing into a broken/malfunctioning/skipping electronic because that always seemed to work on your old school Nintendo: AWESOME

    1. Haha! I feel so bad for kids nowadays who will never experience that. And somehow all of us knew to do that as kids. It was a universal thing.

  45. Cleaning your ears using a very unsafe method/tool.

    My dad used to clean his ears with his keys. Keys. Not only was he risking stabbing all the delicate gear in there, but keys are so gross!
    Lately though I’ve found myself diggin’ out that wax with crazy stuff too- a metal nail file, safety scissors, etc. Sure it’s super horrible and unsafe, but taking that little risk is kinda exhilarating- not to mention the fact that those sharp objects clean out the wax better than any q-tip (they just jam the junk back in!).

      2. Hubby introduced me to the bobby pin method and it is so great….no, I mean awesome!

    1. Especially awesome if you’re in college. Extra especially awesome if it’s from your grandma. Wicked extra especially awesome if your grandma sent you a whole freakin’ [homemade! apple!] pie, some cookies, and $20!!!

      True story. It was awesome.

      1. What?! You have a Grade A grandmother, Ashley, no bones about it. Count your blessings! My grandma’s house smells like mothballs and oldness. :(

        1. One of my grandmas house always smells like veggie soup. I don’t know if she is constantly making it or what, but its awesome. Everytime I smell veggie soup I think of her.
          She does make the best veggie soup I have EVER had!!!

          1. Since my grandma’s house exudes the essence of Eau de Old-n-Mothbally, all her food and baked goods also feature that smell (and *gulp* flavor). We don’t really eat things from grandma’s.

            To her credit though, she’s almost 93 years old, and still able to live on her own and drive and all that stuff. I guess she’s allowed to have a mothbally home if she wants.

            1. My grandmother’s house smells of nothing specific. I mean, it has its own particular smell, but I can’t figure out what, exactly, its components are. And it is neither good nor bad. And her food only tastes of heaven, not anything to keep bugs away.
              So I guess she is pretty darn grade-A. :)

  47. Not realizing how loud your radio was the night before … until the next morning.

    It’s late, you’re tired; maybe you’re rolling in off a long drive from visiting your parents or maybe you’re just coming home from a late night at a friend’s place. Either way, you’ve got the tunes blaring, perhaps even a little windows-down action going on. Once you arrive at your destination, thoughts of your bed looming loftily in your mind, you quickly roll up the windows, hop outta the car, and get in bed.

    Tomorrow, though … you start the car and BAM! Hello music! You think, “Was it REALLY this loud last night? Really??” It’s pretty awesome.

    1. Bonus points if you are giving someone else a ride, and you accidentally blast their eardrums.

  48. When something on mylifeisaverage.com actually happened to you.

    Sometimes the posts are zany. Sometimes the posts seem impossible. And then there are the posts that describe your life. Awesome!

  49. Candles.

    They provide soft, flattering, ambient lighting. They (usually) smell pretty good. You can use a match to light them, doubling in your favor incase of a code #897. They’re there for you when the power goes out. And, if you’ve got a case of cold-hand, you can warm your little phalanges right there on the spot. Awesome!

  50. When you meet someone who loves something totally random and underground that you love too. And you become instant best friends, just because of this one thing, whether it be Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Doctor Who, or A Very Potter Musical.

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