It’s good getting along with Future You.
Whether it’s all-caps screaming to pick up the milk, terse finger-wagging reminding you to hit the gym, or polite memos to your Work Self to staple that important pamphlet tomorrow, well the point is that you’re making plans and pledging to get the job done.
And there are variations on the theme such as The Time-Delayed Send, The Bizarro Self Voicemail, or the classic 10 Exclamation Mark Surprise.
You have one new message.
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
Also known as Chef Snacks.
When you’re stirring stew, popping corn, or frying fritters there’s nothing as nice as sneaking a few bites when nobody’s looking.
You can do The Wooden Spoon Slurp to see if the soup has enough salt or the macaroni has enough cheese. Or you can try the 7 Layer Taster where every combination of your 7-layer dip is tested — from cream cheese with salsa to guacamole with olives. Or you can do the classic Batter Binge, where that sweet and creamy dream liquid tastes like a chocolate-chip speckled swirl of heaven on your tongue.
And hey, come on — eating the thing you’re cooking while cooking it really is good for everyone. See, nobody likes a Saltless Surprise, so it’s good for the cook to perform these vital Tongue Tests early and often to ensure a tasty, tasty, tasty, tasty, tasty, tasty meal.
One tasty for every taste test.
AWESOME!
Have you seen Twins?
Yes, before The Governator governed he played Danny DeVito’s book-smart-street-stupid long lost brother in this classic screwball comedy. The story goes that The Terminator stole all the brains and muscles in the womb which turned him into a Superman but left poor Danny with only the throwaway genes left over.
Now I know it’s just a movie but there’s a classic scene where Danny is swerving a car through downtown streets while Arnie flips through the manual in the passenger seat. He’s literally fast-flipping page after page after page like he’s peeling through a phone book when DeVito turns to him and says “What’re you doing?”
To which Arnold responds “Learning to drive.”
And come on, don’t short chapters help us all feel a little like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Twins? Honestly, when you’re flipping pages fast, cracking that spine hard, and blazing through the book so quickly… well, it sure feels good, it sure feels great, and it sure feels a lot like
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
Pop quiz, hotshot.
What are your body’s five largest organs?
No peeking, no peeking, we’ll reveal the big list later. But for now let’s just say skin is top dog and deserves six big props for six big reasons:
1. It’s our body’s giftwrap. No offense, but you wouldn’t look great with your organs hanging out. Blood vessels and big bones, slippery organs and kidney stones, seriously — it’s much better with skin holding everything into a tightly wrapped package. Plus, let’s not even think about the smell.
2. Bouncers in dark glasses make for no dirty trespasses. Your skin has three layers — the epidermis, dermis, and subcutaneous fat. The epidermis is on top and it’s part of your body’s security system — acting like a night club bouncer and sending low-class bacteria and viruses down the street. Now, this is a pretty tough job so new skin cell bouncers are always forming below. You can’t see it but your body loses 30 – 40,000 skin cells every minute of the day. This amounts to nine pounds of dead skin falling off your body each year.
3. World’s fastest note passing. Sure, we live in crazy days with text messages bouncing to the other side of the world in seconds. But those texts have nothing on the speedy skills of your dermis which contains nerve endings that speed dial your brain whenever you touch something. Garden soil, Grandma Hair, it don’t matter — speedy messages ping pong till you know what’s going on.
4. Waterproof or bust. Your dermis is also home to your oil glands which squeeze out their slippery namesake oil to keep your skin lubricated and waterproof. Don’t worry if you forget the rubber boots and raincoats because no puddle’s gonna sog you down.
5. A/C and a built-in fireplace. Your epidermis is also full of sweat glands which act like a thermostat in your body. If you get hot running around your body sends warm blood closer to the surface to cool off — causing the classic Red Face Effect. Also, your skin will release more sweat which evaporates and cools you down. Don’t worry — when you’re cold your skin does the opposite and pushes blood cells down to create goosebumps. These tiny bumps pull your hair up and create little warm air pockets and also produce more oil to coat your skin and keep the heat in. So how about that?
6. Safety shocks. Okay, there’s a reason that third layer of skin is called subcutaneous fat. Yes, it’s full of fat that helps your body stay warm and absorb shocks. Better to have a bruise on your thigh than a broken bone. I say there’s nothing wrong with some junk in that trunk.
People, skin is the largest organ in our bodies and unlike those brown, slippery things stuffed underneath your rib cage, it actually has to look good doing the job. It’s bigger than the next four — your liver, large intestine, small intestine, and brain — and covers you from top to bottom to get everything done, day after day, month after month, year after year.
Thanks for being there, skin.
We hereby declare you
AWESOME!
Once upon a time you had a baby.
Over those first few years you had ups and down, good times and bad, lots of laughs and lots of tears. You spooned applesauce off chins, you washed off their skin, and you walked them to their first day of school.
And as they grow up and grow older, as they grow taller and as they grow bolder, it’s beautiful seeing their tiny eyes sparkle with little pops of understanding of the world around them.
It’s a beautiful moment when your little one takes a book from your hand … and bumbles through a story that they want to share with you.
Once upon a time you read to your baby.
And now they’re reading to you.
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
Where were you 31,000 years ago?
Immortal wizards aside, I’m guessing you were the same place I was: nowhere. Nope, you were just a twinkle in your cave grandpa’s eye back then. Seriously, you weren’t around but your ancestors were scraping across soggy jungles, wet cliffs, and dirty deserts trying to patch together an existence on hunted animals and handfuls of trees.
And then they discovered ovens.
People, it’s true — according to our egghead pals over at Wikipedia the first ovens on earth are from back around 29,000 BC when our cave families cooked mammoths outside their homemade huts.
So 
I say let’s all stop for a second today and let our minds slip back to those cold desert plains.
Sharp winds whip dust across your dirty face on dark and dreary nights. Clouds crack and cold drops fall while you hear bushes scratching and footsteps stomping around you. Babies cry against sweaty chests, bleary eyes fade to rest, and everyone hunkers around each other for comfort and caring and touch…
Can you imagine how good it must have felt to cook up some gooooooood eatin’ back in those prehistoric days? Yes, I’m guessing your entire pack salivated while crouching around the smoky fire.
Next time you look through that little window in the oven to scope your rising cupcakes, bubbling lasagna, or crisping cookies, don’t forget to pay silent tribute to our past, when staring into the oven meant staring into energy… and life… and
AWESOME!
You think it’s gonna be easy.
But finally finding and finger-peeling the start of this stupid roll of tape takes two focused hawk eyes, a sharp set of witch’s nails, and a soft and delicate touch.
If you’re missing these you’re outta luck.
But if you’ve got all three you’re
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
Chad came to visit last week.
We’ve been friends since ninth grade and you may remember him playing important roles in my life like Neapolitan Shake Inspiration, Ticking Clock Monster, or Chocolate Milk Boy Genius.
Chad’s been there for me through the thick and thin. He’s helped me through painful moments because his warm, easygoing manner and big buckets of kindness get people buzzing around him like moths on a porch light.
We lived near each other for fifteen years until his wife Kristen transferred jobs, sending her and Chad into a whole new life amongst the beer-and-cheese-lined streets of Wisconsin.
I don’t see Chad as often anymore so I always get excited when he visits.
Yes, I roll out my Class A Hospitality Treatment which includes an extra set of keys to my apartment, a dusty deflated air mattress yanked to the middle of the floor, and an open invitation to anything in the fridge — which on good days includes bendable carrots, expired butter, and a lone cream-colored pickle floating in a massive jar of brine.
When Chad came by last week it was like no time had passed at all. He wheeled his suitcase in and we plopped on the couch to catch up.
Of course, since I’m about as organized as a nursery school mud room I hadn’t managed to check my plans by Chad before he came over so over the next couple days I bounced a lot of different things off him.
“Hey Chad, I told a couple guys we might grab pizza with them later. It’s totally optional though — what do you think?” (“Sure, sounds great.”)
“Oh listen, I bumped into a friend on the elevator who may swing by later for a drink. Is that cool?” (“Sure, I’d love to meet them.”)
“Look, I’m stuck in the office a bit late tonight. It it alright if we grab dinner at like eight or nine instead?” (“Yeah, that works well. I’ll finish up my blog. No rush.”)
“Are you okay on the air mattress tonight or did you want some blankets on the couch?” (“The air mattress is like sleeping on a cloud. I feel like I’m five living with the Care Bears.”)
We had a great hangout and while he was packing to go home I mentioned that it was really noticeable how he always said yes … and was always up for everything.
“Hmmm…” he said, zippering up his suitcase. “Yeah, I guess I just always try to say yes. Go with the flow.”
We hugged and he jumped in the elevator before heading to the airport.
But his visit got me thinking. Maybe in these days of gung ho goal setting, squeezed schedules, and lofty plans for lofty nights, there was just something refreshing about Chad’s easy grins and Say Yes Philosophy. His soul seemed cool as a silent lake on a Sunday morning and he was generally unflappable by things around him. He found something he liked at the pizza place, made great conversation with my friend, and slept fine every night.
I had a teacher once who used to say “It’s a lot harder to agree with something than disagree.” He’d organize big debates in class and convince us to bravely venture out with arguments we weren’t even sure of ourselves. But with his constant grounding of “It’s a lot harder to agree than disagree” we’d find ourselves trying to say yes and find reasons why afterwards.
They were usually there.
Being around someone who says yes is a great feeling. It makes you say yes back and turns agreement into the norm. Chad’s helped me learn that life feels a lot smoother with big yes’s rounding every corner — there are less banged elbows, slammed doors, and black scribbly clouds floating above heads.
Saying yes is bold.
Saying yes is brave.
And saying yes is absolutely
AWESOME!
Goodbye, perfume.
When I was a little kid I dreaded walking through Perfume Alley at the front of the department store. Holding my mom or dad’s hand I’d squeeze my face real tight while walking past lipstick-smeared smilies standing in front of shiny glass-n-brass countertops holding tiny square Weapons of Mass Irritation.
Yes, I dreaded those long walks through Stink Jungle but they seemed necessary at the time. After all, sheets and toys and clothes for boys were all stationed behind those invisible clouds of strong smells and toddler migraines.
In those days there wasn’t an option.
But in these days it’s different.
Click, click, you’re done. Click, click, that was fun. Click, click, back to reruns.
And when you turn off the computer, when you shut off that screen, when you put away your wallet, when you leave the machine — well, if you’re like me one thing happens immediately.
You completely forget about it.
So whether it’s new books or concert tickets or video games or cricket wickets, the point is that you forget it’s coming and you forget you bought it. This is the beauty of shopping in Your Own Smell, folks. Soon a day passes, then another, then another one passes, and then a package arrives…
And what a surprise!
In a cardboard disguise!
It’s a feast for the eyes!
That makes you scream to the skies!
AWESOME!
