Yes, if you’ve paid a visit to your local playground or backyard recently, you know those fresh, clean, silky smooth greens are a rare breed. Broken glass, dog doo, and crumpled fast food bags can coat the shaggy green carpets around your home.
It’s tough out there but don’t worry: According to our egghead pals, grass is the most common plant in the whole wide world. Yup, thousands of species cover mountaintops, swamp bogs, prairie plains, and Wimbledon courts all over our swirling, twirling planet.
We just gotta find it.
So grab your binoculars, toss on a backpack, and head into the wilderness to scope those fresh patches of soft grassy greens blowing quietly in the warm wind. When you get there, drop the pack, peel off the stinky socks, and get walking, brother. After all:
1. Exotic toe massage. How often do your pita-bread cracked heels, broken soles, and little toe elbows score some rubby loving? We’re gonna bet not too often. Honestly, speak up if you’re getting this action somewhere else because we’re all ears. For most of us the blades-of-grass rubdown is the only foot action we get. We’ll take it!
2. Slick n’ slidin’. Sometimes there’s fresh morning dew out, sometimes you slide your screen door open after a summer shower, sometimes the backyard sprinkler’s raining down on everything. On all these magic moments the cool wet blades massage your foot’s wrinkly nooks and crannies and calm your soul. We’ll take it!
3. Do the doo. Hey, we’ve all stepped in dog crap before and there’s nothing pretty about it. All we’re gonna say is if your six-year-old steps in it while running around in bare feet, well that’s a lot easier to clean than if they step in it wearing brand new bright white sneakers. We’ll take it!
Yes, if you’re with us you know grass is a nice escape from the scalding sand, burning driveway, or pebbly pavement scratching at our feet.
We’ll take it!