#542 Wrong colored foods

Believe it.

There’s something great about eating foods that aren’t the color they’re supposed to be. When you chomp on those deliciously mutant creations, it’s a feast for all your senses. Since the days of cavemen eating albino monkeys, we’ve been loving the unexplainable brain-jarring jolts of happiness that come with eating foods so wrong they just feel right:

• Purple or green ketchup. Back in the good ol’ days Heinz decided to make ketchup in different colors. There was something about smearing that purple paint on your fries that head-tripped you back to being a little kid enjoying birthdays and barbecues.

• Black rice or black salt. The first time I saw black rice I thought it was white rice still in its shell. I pictured a big factory of steaming gears and smoking chimneys cracking open each grain with boxing mitts on a long, superthin assembly line.

• Cauliflower spawns. There was a time we only had one kind of strange mutant-colored cauliflower sitting in the produce stand. However, scientists have recently returned from more trips to outer space and lugged home suitcases full of these orange and purple beasts.

• All the other veggies in the rocketship. Yes, I’m talking about dark purple potatoes, bright yellow carrots, golden beets, and yellow raspberries. Thank you for these, aliens.

• Blue or red tortilla chips. Nothing cranks the party dial from mellow to wild like popping out a bag of strange colored nachos, people. Pour them out and back far, far away. It’s time to go crazy.

• Taco Bell’s Blackjack Tacos. Think outside the bun. And while you’re at it, think outside the color spectrum.

• Crystal Pepsi. If you loved drinking clear cola then I bet you loved the 90s. I also bet you can whistle The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song.

• Green beer. Hey, if you like a few drops of blue food coloring in the cheapest keg-swill we can find, then have we got a holiday for you!

• Shamrock Shakes. Now, while we’re dying your beer green for St. Patty’s Day, let’s stop and appreciate Uncle O’Grimacey bringing the love to McDonald’s. Yes, his green shakes spit in the face of the plain swirly flavors from The Man during the rest of the year. Don’t mess with Grimace’s uncle, folks.

• White bread dyed pastel colors. Okay, who else went to church bazaars when they were a little kid and ate delicately hand crafted egg-salad sandwiches made by sweet little old ladies?

• Colored cupcakes. This is truly the closest most of us will ever get to eating a rainbow.

Now, sometimes it’s fun to chat about what makes awesome things awesome. But then again, for some things it’s fun to just smile and accept that’s just the way they are. Wrong colored foods are something we just have to accept. Come on, there’s no denying they’re weirdly hilarious, strangely beautiful, and most certainly


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82 thoughts on “#542 Wrong colored foods

  1. What I don’t undestand is this- 16×9 disclosed the food and drug act allows a cactis beetle to be used to as the red dye in many products and yet it is and has made many people very very sick!
    My girls and I do however, totally get all the fun coloured stuff that’s dyed other ways…especially rainbows=D

  2. We had dark purple carrots that were purple all the way through. When cut they leak their purply goodness, so the chicken pie recipe I added them to ended up… purple pie. We call it that now in our family. AWESOME!

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