Category: Awesome Things

Yeah, yeah, health nuts, we know, we know.

Hands are the dirtiest part of our body — turning doorknobs, flushing toilets, shaking hands all day in a hot, neverending exchange of sweat, grime, and bacteria. And yes, those germs form tiny Ewok Villages in the cracks of our palm and corners of our fingernails and leap at any opportunity to settle down in a new home.

Germophobes of the world, we hear your warning. But we can’t heed your warning..

.Sure, some of us start with good intentions — mixing patiently with a fork as raw eggs slide everywhere, butter clumps up, and big flour towers stand tall on the sides of the bowl. But even those folks hit a wall eventually and just toss the fork in the sink, roll up their sleeves, and dive right into the batter fingers first..

.But after it’s all over we slop those blobs on a baking pan and throw them right in the cooker for some fine tastin’..Completely unsanitary..Completely delicious..AWESOME!.

Photos from: here, here, here, and here

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If you’ve called your work voicemail system or local phone company so many times that you know how to jump through all the hoops to get right where you want, then you can Press 1 for being

AWESOME!

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My old roommate Joey had a theory about names.

“Basically, everybody should get to pick their own,” he said one Sunday morning, lazily sprawled across the couch flipping channels, his pale and hairy belly sticking out of his undershirt. “I mean, why should the biggest part of my personal identity be chosen by somebody else? Sure, you’d have a lot of six-year-olds named Superman, but we’d consider it a placeholder until they changed it to reflect their personality.”

He then sealed his airtight argument with a giant belch that filled the room with the smell of midnight gyros and we didn’t talk about it again.

Until now.

It’s been a few years, but I’m starting to wonder if Joey had a point there somewhere. Parents pick your name for you, and sometimes they come up with pretty strange ideas. But is there anything wrong with unique names? Well, maybe, maybe not. For thought-provoking discussion, let’s ask these celebrities:

10. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin – Apple. There’s something a little ripe about naming your kid after a piece of fruit. Just ask my friend Pear Rodriguez.

9. Shannyn Sossamon – Audio Science. Says the actress from A Knight’s Tale in an interview: “We wanted a word, not a name, so my boyfriend read through the dictionary three or four times.” Hey, I guess that works. And maybe one day the little slugger will grow up to be a high-end amplifier. Ba-dum-ching!

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8. Robert Rodriguez – Rocket, Racer, Rebel, and Rogue. Dad will be so upset if Rocket becomes a plumber instead of developing the team into a band of caped crusaders.

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7. David and Victoria Beckham – Brooklyn and Ashlee Simpson – Bronx. Now, Bronx is a standalone and the plus side of Brooklyn is that it’s easily split into both Brook and Lyn, making both slightly better choices than Staten Island.

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6. George Foreman – George, George, George, George, and George. The Grillman’s kids don’t have strange names, but they do all have the same one. Big George differentiates by number and has also given each a nickname: Monk, Red, Joe, Little George, and Big Wheel.

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5. The Edge – Blue Angel. I guess Lisa, Jennifer, and Sue are automatically out if your name starts with The.

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4. Bob Geldof and Paula Yates – Fifi Trixibelle, Little Pixie, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Luscious Tropical Mango. This obviously cranks the fruit-named theme up a few notches. Personally, I think Peaches is pretty sweet, though.

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3. Jason Lee – Pilot Inspektor. Jason says he got the name from a Grandaddy song he likes called “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s The Pilot.” That explains the Pilot part, anyway. As for Inspektor, we can only assume he was trying to differentiate from all the kids named Inspector.

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2. Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty. Talk about leading a royally confusing life. “Did you want pickles on the side, Jermajesty?” Maybe Jermaine should’ve done what brother Michael did with his baby Prince 2, which is give him a more accessible nickname like Blanket.

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1. Frank Zappa – Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva Muffin. Now I can’t be the only person out there who wants to be called Dweezil. Which Zappa would you be?

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Well hey, listen, obviously baby names are getting more creative and celebrities are once again leading the charge. So do you agree with Joey and think we should all just pick our own then? Or do you think these names are beautiful and we should be happy getting what we got?

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All I’m going to say is the jury’s still out, but if you’ve got a name you like, a name that fits you and you fit, then give three cheers and call your folks. After all, they had to make a big pick without you. And if they nailed it, make sure you give them a hug and let them know you’re digging the you-you.

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Parents of the world, naming your newbie seems like a tough gig. For giving it thought and pulling it off so your kids grow old and love what they got, well today we call you

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AWESOME!

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Moonlit skies, stained plush seats, and a quietly revving engine combine to form a perfectly cozy late night bed on the long drive home.

Whether you’re a baby in a carseat, a teen getting a lift from the party, or Grandma cabbing home from Bingo, there’s nothing like drifting into dreamland in that rusty Volvo on the slow and swervy country back roads.

Yes, those tires rumble over empty lanes as headlights pop up over hilltops, warm your eyelids, then whoosh past, leaving the entire car dark except for the faint glow from the distant dashboard clock.

And if you’re little and you’re lucky, you might even score the Bonus Version Super-Finish at the end of the trip, which includes pre-wearing pajamas under your winter coat and getting carried up to your bed by mom or dad after pulling into the driveway.

Now that’s service.

AWESOME!

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Polar ice caps are melting, pirates are storming the seas, wars are heating up around the world, and the stock market is in a deep freeze.

Dude, it’s getting pretty ugly out there.

If you’re like me, sometimes you think about putting on boots and a raincoat, battening down the hatches, and hiding under the bed. If you’re like me, the only reason you haven’t yet is because you don’t know what hatches are, you’ve never battened anything before, and boots are pretty expensive.

Now, we started up 1000 Awesome Things as a tiny getaway from this everyday. It’s just a brief escape from the downpour of bad news and sad news raining upon us, and I’m just some guy trying to remind myself of the simple things in life. Together we help create a place where unemployment figures, gun crimes, and rising sea levels sit backseat to wearing underwear just out of the dryer, the other side of the pillow, and old, dangerous playground equipment.

A few years ago, some nice folks sitting in lawn chairs and sipping lemonade down at the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences truck stop decided to nominate us for a Webby Award in the category of Best Blog – Culture/Personal. It was an extremely surprising and humbling gesture, and so I just wanted to stop for a day to say thanks.

Because honestly, getting recognized for doing something you love is a great feeling. Whether it’s a friendly ass-slap from the third base coach after your big home run, the long and loud applause from your grandparents after your screechy clarinet solo, or a simple “I had a great time” comment from someone you had a great time with too, well that’s what it’s all about.

So today I say thanks, everybody.

Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for submitting ideas. Thanks for raising this barn, thanks for voting this blog up, and thanks for being a community of fun-loving, eyes-to-skies optimists. Since regardless of race, taste, home country, or pant size, the eggheads at Wikipedia say 99.9% of our DNA is the same, we’re all living together on this spinning, blue rock trucking along on the same bumpy ride.

And I guess I just want to say it’s great trucking along with all of you.

Thank you so much for being

AWESOME!

(UPDATE: We won the Webby Award for Best Blog!)

Photos from: here, here, here, and here

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Bass thumping, heart pumping, joint jumping, it’s a buzzing Saturday night on the dance floor.

And nothing makes that party stronger or conga longer more than knowing Daylight Savings Time peels our clocks back an hour tonight and showers us all with some free weekend.

Yes, when you know three in the morning is going to spin back to two again, it’s a Free Pass to go waste a perfect hour with friends. So squeeze in some more video games, order off the menu at a Drive-Thru, or dance an extra dance with Grandma at the wedding, because we all know you’ll get an extra hour of sleep anyway.

So after you spring forward don’t forget to fall right back, y’all. Cause there’s nothing so nice as living things twice.

AWESOME!

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Plump and juicy, fat and full, a new tube of toothpaste holds a future full of hope and promise just behind its clean cap and dent-free logo. Yes, whiter teeth, brighter smiles, and a world without bad breath are just a few minutes of gentle scrubbing each day away.

And unlike a bag of chips or a box of Froot Loops, when you drop ninety-nine cents for a tube of the good stuff, it comes to you filled all the way to the top. And sure, while scraping out one final squeeze from a flat, worn out tube of Colgate is a great rush, that first squeeze from a new tube of paste is even better.

You barely need to squeeze it.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

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Ever had a friend start buzzing with The Dating Glow?

You know, they start seeing someone new and suddenly start walking with a new pep in their step, a new trot in their walk? Maybe they lose five pounds, show up with a new haircut, or start wearing tight pants. Or maybe they just smile wider, laugh louder, and exude a new confidence about themselves.

Being with someone new makes them look and feel better and that’s a great thing. That’s The Dating Glow.

Now, if you don’t mind, let’s switch gears and talk about sandwiches — soggy, squashed, Saran-Wrapped sandwiches from the bowels of your bookbag. Those warm and tired messes look pathetic with sweaty cheese, slimy tomatoes, and warm turkey. Yes, it’s a sandwich down on its luck, lacking a bit of confidence, and in desperate need of a glow of some sort.

That’s where potato chips come in.

When you crunch up your sandwich with some carefully inserted potato chips, you inject a spicy vial of Grade A Oomph. Suddenly that pasty gob of bread and meat transforms into a rainbow of crunches and flavors. It’s the sandwich equivalent of getting a new hairdo, wearing something scandalous, or buzzing with a new vibe.

Now, before we call it a day here, let’s chat about something funny about putting chips on a sandwich. Alright, here it is: everybody thinks they invented it. Honestly, I’ll be grabbing a quick lunch with a friend from work and he’ll just sort of raise his eyebrows at me mysteriously. “Know what I like to do?” he’ll ask, squinting a bit and cracking a wry smile. “Put chips on my sandwich, that’s what,” he’ll unveil, a stiff bottom lip, some scrunched eyebrows, and a firm nod echoing the big reveal.

So that’s it, ladies and gentleman. Putting potato chips on a sandwich.

You invented it.

We all love it.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

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It’s late, it’s dark, it’s quiet.

You’re tossing and turning, wrapped tightly in a mummy’s tomb of crumpled sheets and flat pillows, while your bed buddy blissfully slumbers on. Maybe you try laying perfectly still, flipping the pillow, or taking deep breaths timed to Subconscious Sam’s snoring beside you.

You might be frustrated, you might be tired, you might be ready to pack it in and scream — but sometimes, once in a while, it’s at these perfect moments when the person laying next to you starts laughing in their sleep. And what a bizarre and hilarious sight that is because it’s like — what’s so funny?

I mean sure, we’re used to laughing at things we see in our waking life. Your roommate drops a hammer on their toe, crazy Uncle Lou starts dancing at a wedding, sure. We get those things. But when somebody’s laughing in their sleep it’s a different kind of funny because it’s the most inside of inside jokes. You aren’t in on it and frankly, they aren’t either.

So whether it’s baby in the crib, the guy next to you in the tent, or your girlfriend wedged beside you on the futon, there’s something just so hilarious when you see them laugh in their sleep and try to imagine what’s running through their head.

AWESOME!

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Wait, wait, wait, hold on, last question: do you ever try to influence their dreams by whispering little things in their ear and stuff?

Me neither.

AWESOME!

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Movie theatres sure are trying.

Let’s see, they made the seats taller, screens bigger, cushions comfier, and gave cup-holders permanent status. They want us to sit back, relax, and enjoy a nice, quiet evening in our perfect seats.

There’s just one problem, though: that armrest.

Yes, armrests are the only shared space between you and Hairy-Forearm Frank on your left or Pointy-Elbow Elaine on your right. And you can’t share that space, you can’t go halfsies, you can’t do a time share. People, there can be no softly rubbing elbows with a stranger during previews, are we agreed? And honestly, I don’t care how softly the rubbing is or how much you want a corner of that arm rest. Just don’t do it.

So really, we’re left with only one thing you can do, folks.

Get there early, eye your prize, and claim that space and claim it quick. Plant your sharp, bony elbows on both armrests and get ready for the most comfortable movie watching experience of your life.

AWESOME!

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