Category: Awesome Things

Because they don’t even know they’re playing.

AWESOME!

Three cheers for brothers and sisters.

There’s something beautiful about watching kids holding hands as they cross the street. You’re seeing someone small grow into someone tall. Those hands are the bridge from the stroller to the future, from walking with their parents to walking by themselves.

And those brothers and sisters helping them might be the people they know best their whole lives. From beginning to end, through curves and bends, they’ll remember holding hands on early walks to school, inside the scary movies, and coming home from the pool.

Brothers and sisters helping little ones on their way is a sun-smiling moment of beauty and a tiny little drip of

AWESOME!

I love cool moms.

When I was growing up there was a Sunny D commercial on TV where a gang of kids in backwards caps and jammer shorts roller skates home before helping mom bring in the groceries. When they go inside they search between a fridge packed with cola and purple stuff before pulling out a jug of Sunny D to big cheers. Later they’re chilling under a tree when mom returns with an armload of Sunny D. As the scene closes one of the kids screams out “You got a cool mom!”

And despite the cheesy cheese quality of this old commercial there really is something sweet about finding out your friend has a cool mom. Cool moms are often detected in the wild after displaying some of these familiar characteristics:

· Anywhere, anytime sugar. Cool moms have candy and sugary cereals you don’t have at your house and they’ve got no problem filling your bowl with Corn Pops after a sleepover or letting you drink a big cup of Coke with dinner.

· Grease runs for fun. Loud cheers from the back of the station wagon and the Minivan Applause-O-Meter guide cool moms to ice scream shops and McDonald’s drive-thrus. Six-year soccer teams get sundaes or chip truck fries whenever cool mom is driving them home.

· Steady behind the wheel. Cool moms drive your friends all over the place. She’s your taxi to the mall food court, baseball diamond, or movie theater. Cool moms also take care not to embarrass you in front of your friends by controlling the bad jokes and goodbye kisses. Sometimes they slip you an extra fiver, too.

· Lax sleepover policies. She knows you and your teenage friends will watch the R-rated movie in the basement anyway so cool mom doesn’t fuss much with the ratings or the extra half hour of TV before bed. Let the kids talk a bit during the sleepover, she figures. Nobody’s getting hurt.

· Anonymous phone-a-friend always open. Cool moms give off sparkly vibes of open-mindedness that let kids know their questions won’t be judged. Cool moms take your friend for her first tampons, help you call the neighbor after tossing a ball through their window, and are always around to chat about anything serious.

When you have a friend with a cool mom you’re loving it lots, baby. They’re usually found upstairs at that one house everyone always hangs out at. Now, if you’re a cool mom your house sure is full of big smiles, loud laughs, and happy kids. You value the best things in life and live to love for years and years and years.

Hey, cool moms! Guess what? You’re

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, here, and here

Sounds easy enough.

You grab the meat, I’ll grab the veggies, meet you at the front.

But after completing your Mushroom Mission and racing to the checkouts you suddenly find yourself all alone in Lineup Paradise. You can’t hang onto the awkward armload of plastic baggies for long so you trek out on a classic grocery store Hide And Seek Hunt.

Now you’re running around the store peeking your hopeful head down every aisle — hoping to spy your friend agonizing over salsa choices or sampling cold cuts way down the distant lane. You scramble forwards and back again before the big moment finally comes.

It’s your friend way, way down at the other end of the store.

And they’re waving.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Suddenly your milk gets classy, your orange juice gets refined, and your chocolate milk feels more sophisticated. When you’re a kid you suddenly go from ten years old to thirty and can legally show up at the dinner table with heavily slicked and parted hair, a handkerchief puffing out of your pocket, and cuff links.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Life begins with climate control.

Since we first hung woolly mammoth furs from forest branches we’ve gotten used to getting comfy when we settle in somewhere. Just look at babies in those curly fetal poses in their flannel onesies, napping in sunhats, shades, and shorts in strollers, or cuddling up to mom in cozy carry-ons.

Folks, it’s like I always say: We can learn much from The Baby.

Digging out your own little wading pool in the sand when you’re at the beach is another beautiful moment of climate control. You strip down because you’re hot, take a dip to cool off, chill out in the sand… and are suddenly hot again. Now it’s time to get digging and fill your in-ground Sand Chair with water to cool off those nether regions so you can relax and have it both ways.

AWESOME!

We all know that slippery wet pile of steaming sauce and steaming cheese doesn’t usually hold together when you jigsaw it out of the pan. Nope, after you yank it out of the burning hot tray the rectangle hole left behind quickly fills up with lasagna swamp water.

Sure, your soaring lasagna piece flies high with elegance and grace until the moment it lands with a sad wet slap on your plate. Limp dark mushrooms slip out of noodle chokeholds and smear and slide across your plate in a slithery mess of mush.

But that’s what makes it so great when your plated piece of lasagna actually stays together. That’s when it’s time to celebrate the saucy noodle integrity of this beautifully delicious dish.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Ten goods.

That’s a phrase my friends used in high school to express our casual annoyance with minor problems. Extra homework for the weekend? Ten goods. Cafeteria sold out of panzerottis? Ten goods. Tennis ball stuck in the gutter during road hockey? Ten goods.

Now you got it.

Ryan started saying it first and Chad caught on and soon it became one of those made-up phrases we used all the time. It was a secret code, scrambled joke, and private head-nod with its own set of rules on how it was used.

For example! Minor things such as falling off Rainbow Road were shortened to the simple ‘Ten’ with sarcastic eyebrow raise and one-second lip curl. Major things like getting assigned an essay just before the long weekend was met with the long drawl version of ‘Tehhhhhhhhhhhn.’

I’m not saying it made sense but it made sense to us.

Yes, when you hang with a tight pack of peeps long enough it’s amazing how new words start filling the tiny cracks between sounds and sentences. It’s strangely beautiful to see language evolving before your eyes and be part of its creation. Brains suddenly push past booky norms to create clarity in dark vacuums of vagueness.

Just remember — every word we use today came from a group of friends who started using it long ago. So to those long gone packs of chatty teens and wordy queens we say thanks for helping us understand…. everything we’re talking about. And when your group of friends comes up some good ones… make sure you keeping using them and shout ’em out.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

Piling those slow rollers onto your fork and steering them straight into your mouth is Kitchen Table Victory. It requires intense mental focus, steady wristing, and a slow-steering speed.

A little mashed potatoes on the fork also helps.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

I was a cakey mess yesterday.

Before going onstage at The Today Show I was painted up by a friendly makeup artist wielding a messy palette full of assorted bottles and tubes. Clear gels, paintbrushes, and foam triangles came at me in a blurry daze before I teetered back to the leather couch in a blurry haze.

When I looked in the mirror I noticed my shiny forehead, bumpy cheeks, and bright red zits had just … disappeared. Yes, I was in the clear — the proud new owner of a no-money-down-no-interest-till-2012 New Face.

“I could get used to this,” I thought to myself as I blinked and curled my lips into a clown-faced grin. My mind flicked forward to scenes sitting cross-legged atop of mountain of pillows as someone gave me a silky smooth New Face while others tenderly clipped my nails, softly brushed my hair, and gently massaged my pointy hunchback.

Jokes aside, the gang at The Today Show was truly, truly wonderful — supportive, thoughtful, and obviously massive pros. Meredith was a gem onstage. She saw me sweating buckets like a nervous wreck and came over to calm me down before the cameras rolled.

Flash forward a few hours later and I was back in my cramped hotel bathroom wiping soggy tissues down my color-fading cheeks. Pimples came back, mustache hairs said hello, and the forehead bumps got bumpy again. But you know what? The massively refreshing feeling of cool air rushing back to my skin more than made up for looking ugly again.

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here