Let’s face it.

We’re all idiots who love cranking taps and have no idea when reckless shaving and face-washing shenanigans might flood our bathroom floors.

Thanks for watching our backs, little hole.

AWESOME!

There will be a special announcement on 1000 Awesome Things this Friday.

— Email message —

“I’m in Ireland this summer, the first time I’ve spent significant time away from home and my family.  My best friend Shannon and I both read 1000 Awesome Things and so before I left, she made me this journal to keep track of the awesome things that happen to me here.  Traveling can be hard, but this has made me focus on the beautiful moments of the Emerald Isle, whether it be a delicious meal or a breathtaking sky… ” – Erin from Dublin (originally from Seattle, WA)

Photo from: here

Enjoy the silence.

Maybe you’re an early bird who goes jogging on the cool sand as the sun rises. Ocean waves quietly lap to shore together with twisted messes of dark seaweed and chipped seashells as faint orange sunbeams peek over the horizon…

Or maybe you’re a sand stroller going for a quick walk around the bend as your family takes a final dip before heading home. Your feet sink into the hot sand as you find yourself alone with wet tree branches, quiet circling gulls, and a bright pink sunset lighting up the sky…

Or maybe you just discover a quiet patch of secret sandy paradise where nobody can find you. It’s the hidden beach through the cottage forest, the rocky island where you rest your canoe, or the cliffside of a hilly highway where you pull over and hike down the empty shore…

Yes, those rare moments when you’re the only person on the beach make you feel like you’re standing alone in front of the universe. Stare up and let your mind drift into the distant neverending sky, fall deep into the thin horizon, and focus down at the tiny grains of sand millions of years old covering your feet …

Maybe stegosauruses and dodo birds and cavemen and cowboys all stood at this same spot staring out the same way at the same wavy water. And maybe future races will stand at these same places and feel the same spine-tingling sense of

AWESOME!

There will be a special announcement on 1000 Awesome Things this Friday.

— Email message —

“Hi! I stumbled upon your blog at time in my life where some awesomness was needed, bad. I was having a hard time finding reasons to get out of bed. Since then I’ve got a new job I really enjoy, the courage to try and realize my dreams and I feel a lot better in general. May seem stupid that reading a blog can help so much, but it gave me the kick I was needing. AWESOME!” – Therese from Norway

Photos from: here, here, and here

Once upon a time we didn’t have forks.

Yes, our ancient ancestors were forced to scoop saber-tooth tiger brains out with twigs, hold woolly mammoth meat over the fire with spears, and eat prehistoric pies with a spoon.

According to our egghead pals at Wikipedia, although the Ancient Greeks used forks as a serving utensil it took until the 10th century for them to become popular in Western Europe. Before then, Westerners only had spoons and knives. Most people chowed down with their hands, some shared a group spoon, and rich folks dined holding two knives, making them look like Raphael from ninja turtles.

Forks became a huge hit in Italy first, which was perfect because before then properly swirled spaghetti was just part of an imagined future, sitting in dreamy thought bubbles above sleeping children. Back then guests were expected to bring their own fancy fork in a box called a cadena if they were coming over for dinner. As you can imagine, it was important to spot the BYOF fine print on dinner party invites from the king’s castle.

Now, these days forks are everywhere: plastic-wrapped in airplanes, dented and stained in dining halls, and shined up in fancy restaurants. Most of us even have a drawer full of forks in our homes, turning a rich man’s prized possession a few hundred years ago into something the kids leave under the basement couch after eating dinner and playing video games.

And I think we all know how important forks still are to our twenty-first century society.

People, let’s all hold hands here today and celebrate the power of the fork. Whether we’re holding a tough piece of steak in place,  slicing the tip off a piece of pie, or criss-crossing the top of some peanut butter cookies, let’s not forget how far the noble fork has come to help us all completely stuff our faces.

AWESOME!

— Email message —

“I’m a massive fan of 1000 Awesome Things, it is really, really wonderful. I garden little potholes around East London where I live, which hopefully puts smiles on people’s faces and brightens their day too. Cheers!” – Steve, aka The Pothole Gardener

Photos from: here, here, here, here, and here

Close your eyes and let your brain slip back …

You’re a tiny tot holding big hands walking down a sandy beach. As the sun sets over the glittery water the salty ocean breeze hits your hair and your feet squish into cool sand as somebody suddenly yells out “1-2-3 Wheeeeeeeeee!”

Your eyeballs pop, your chest lifts, your hands are squeezed tightly, and up you go…

AWESOME!

— Email message —

“I love 1000 Awesome Things but I must admit that I find it really tedious that every single entry is followed by an email message. I remember when I started reading the site and I could just read through the posts and enjoy each one more than the last. Now when I get to the bottom of each, I inadvertently start reading other people’s messages. After 2 or 3 testimonials, it gets a little boring. I love the site and am glad you are touching peoples lives. But can you possibly make it so that you don’t automatically see these messages? I am inclined to forget about the awesomeness if I have to keep reading these testimonials.” -Lindsay

Photos from: here, here, and here

Nothing’s worse than popping into first and noticing you’re flirting with the big E.

Suddenly you’re late for work, the date’s on hold, and your party’s stalled in the parking lot. Yes, jumping in a car and noticing it’s out of gas ranks pretty high on 1000 Annoying Things, that non-existent netherlist we’ve mentioned before that also features #989 Realizing later in the day you missed a spot shaving, #988 When the person calls you back instead of listening to the voicemail you just left, and #987 When the cashier needs to replace the receipt tape in the middle of your transaction.

Yes, that’s why getting in the car with a superfull tank is such a great feeling. Your car pardner left a little surprise in the driveway and now you’re as far as possible from making an annoying pump run. Plus, isn’t it always hilarious when that little orange arm nudges itself up even higher than Full on the gas gauge, too? That’s when it’s winking at you saying “Okay, I was lying about the size of the tank. But now I seriously can’t take another drop.”

When it’s stuffed and you’re smiling it’s time to fly down the streets, baby. You’re rocking the full tank, you’re rocking the highway, and you’re rocking along feeling

AWESOME!

— Email message —

“Neil, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor in February and underwent emergency brain surgery to remove it. During recovery, there were many things that I could NOT do, including drive. It has been 6 months and I have been overcoming barriers and slowly getting my life back. Given clearance to drive again is such a significant milestone in this journey. Mobility and independence after 6 months of medical restrictions while recovering from brain tumor removal surgery: Awesome!” – Cherisse

Photos from: here and here

It’s there for a reason.

Whether you’re shredding your legs on a raspberry bush, scalding your hand in hot water, or taking an arrow to the chest in the forest, I got bad news for you, brother: that’s gonna hurt. Yes, when our bodies take blows those powerful jolts make us cry salty tears, run for the hills, or crashland in hospital beds with limbs hanging everywhere.

But that pain really is there for three big reasons:

1. Stop! … Bandaid time. The first thing pain does is make you stop doing that painful thing you’re doing. Your brain focuses every neuron on getting you out of Danger Bay and returning you to Safety Beach. Stop! You’re lawnmowing your foot. Stop! You’re leaning on an oven burner. Stop! You’re dancing in much too baggy pants.

2. Long Live the Cast. Pain reminds us to take care of injured body parts so they can heal. We lean on crutches so our ankles can untwist, plaster broken arms so bones can set, and bandage cuts to prevent infections. Throbbing migraines send us to dark rooms and bum knees get us limping because that’s we need, sister. Pain’s just whispering advice to send us down the road to good health.

3. Fool me twice, shame on me. Pain’s whole plan is to get us to stop doing painful things long term. Think of pain as cranky granny shaking it’s finger when you sheepishly come schlepping up the front walk battered and bruised. “No more running through raspberry bushes, mister,” she starts. “No more checking hot water with your fingers. And stop playing medieval battle games in the forest.”

Now, if all that wasn’t enough, our egghead pals over at Wikipedia even report that people who don’t feel pain actually live shorter lives. Maybe that’s because pain’s just there to do a job for us. It motivates us to flee hurtin’ scenes, protects our body while it heals, and teaches us to avoid painful places in the future.

Pain’s our invisible Life Coach, sewn in to our bones, twisted in our DNA, and helping us all keep strong as we keep motoring on.

AWESOME!

The Book of Awesome is on Kobo, Kindle, Nook, iPad, and Sony eReader.

— Email message —

“Yesterday I got home after having dinner out with my husband and baby boy (he’s almost 2 years old). When I laid my bag on the dining table I looked and saw two pieces of paper laying there. When I looked closer I realized it was 2 xerox copies… One of them had a little hand and the other one a small foot. I scratched my head and thought “what the heck is this?” Then I thought “maybe my son went out with his babysitter and she took these Xerox just for fun”… And it really was like this. The next morning my baby son was walking around the house with the 2 xerox in his hands and saying “my hand… my foot”. Adorable. My little awesome thing.” – Andreia from Portugal

Photos from: here, here, here, and here

Last year my friend Baxter popped a champagne cork off his head.

Yes, he bent over the bottle, gritted his teeth and twisted, and managed to shoot that cork like a speeding bullet right smack off his forehead. He stared up with his mouth forming a giant O of shock as bubbles foamed up and dripped on the carpet and a painful dark red bruise slowly formed right between his eyebrows.

Still sounded cool, though.

AWESOME!

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— Email message —

“Hi Neil, here’s another thing I find awesome: Finding pistachios that have fallen out of their shell in the bag. When I have the munchies, not much beats a salty handful of pistachios. But when I’m rooting through the bag, I find that not all of them are created equal. In fact, there are four kinds of pistachios offering varying degrees of difficulty:
1) Shell completely closed: These ones are a lost cause, so I always toss them right back onto the bag. Maybe some other ambitious sole will try to crack them open, but more likely, they’re gonna find a home in the trash bin.
2) Shell just a tiny sliver open: These ones are tricky, but stand a chance of being eaten. Whether I throw these ones back in the bag or not will depend on two factors: a) How long my thumbnails are, and b) How hungry I am.
3) Shell open wide: These are great. When I’m peckish, I can open these ones in rapidfire succession without a hitch. Before I’ve even realized (because I’m distracted by Discovery Channel), I’ve ripped through like three handfuls.
4) The ones that have fallen out of their shells: These are the crown jewels of pistachios. No fuss. No work. Just
AWESOME!!!”

– Adrian

Photo from: here

What a trip.

It’s always a big moment when the flickering screen features one of these special scenes:

1. The Hometown Spotlight. This is when the characters come visit the city you live in. Nope, don’t matter if it’s terrorists fleeing the country, teen lovers filling gas on a road trip, or Batman batflying around the world to kidnap someone from a glass building. All that matters is that you get a little connection with the flick and feel proud your local spot is on display. (Note: Hometown Spotlight may not apply in New York, L.A., or London.)

2. The Local Understudy. Here’s when you spot your hometown in the movie, but it’s playing the part of another city. Sure, they tried to fool you with the yellow New York taxi cabs or a couple skyline shots, but you spotted your city hall and a local newspaper box in the background. If you’re watching the flick in your basement, The Local Understudy sometimes features someone pulling out their cell phone and spending twenty long minutes confirming all the shoot locations.

3. The Suitcase Connection. Here’s when you and the characters share a travel spot. Maybe their budding romance takes them to your Honeymoon hotspot, their college classes take place on your old campus, or their raging, out-of-control Spring Break parties reminds you of your entirely appropriate and tasteful Spring Break parties.

No matter what, when characters in movies visit places you know they suddenly break through the screen and form a tiny little bond with you. Now in addition to the story, you’re suddenly wiretapping into secret memories and moments in your rusty brain. Nostalgia bombs go off as you see your old college gym and remember the heartbreak of getting cut from the junior team… smiles curl when Buddy the Elf gets a job where you once held hands with a young love on a chilly night … and hearts twist over forgotten trips as you relive old moments with friends from your past…

AWESOME!

Sign up for 1000 Awesome Things on email.

— Email message —

“My Mom, Nancy, is a beautiful “80-something” lady who is now on her third year of some incredibly hard health battles, the latest has been two battles with a rare form of cancer on her leg.  She’s had two surgeries and a skin graft with only a local anaesthetic, and sadly still needed to go back for a second round of treatments.  For Mother’s Day I bought her The Book of Awesome to read while waiting for her time slot for treatment every day.  She’s a fighter and she’s appreciating the little things now through 1000 Awesome Things. I attach a picture of her reading the book while waiting for radiation. I love you Mom.” – Laurel

Photos from: here and here

The nine to five brought you together.

Cracking jokes by the copier, swapping stories on the line, laughing in the lunchroom, you found a friend between policies, procedures, and paperwork. When you got together you started noticing you were just you, just hanging out, just laughing about your day.

Then one day your friendship zoomed to a new level. Maybe you grabbed a beer one night, got a surprise birthday invite, or became new texting pals.

Yes, you turned a work friend into an outside-of-work friend, baby. It wasn’t easy but you took the chance, you made the leap, and now you’re rocking with someone new.

AWESOME!

The Book of Awesome hits Australia and New Zealand on August 1st featuring a new pink cover!

— Email message —

“A week ago, I was about to take THE road test to obtain my driver’s license; stress level = MAXIMUM! Ten minutes before leaving for the exam center, I remembered my Book Of Awesome was supposed to arrive. I checked my mailbox, and here it was! I spent my last minutes reading a few awesome things, and when I left for the exam, I wasn’t stressed out anymore, I was just thinking of how AWESOME our world is, with or without any drivers license. And you know what? I GOT IT! AWESOME!” – Caroline from Paris, France

Photo from: here

What’s up, instructions?

Why you gotta be recommending water in our pancakes, hot chocolate, and jello pudding? Why you trying to blandify our oatmeal, brownie mixes, and cream of mushroom soup?

Look, we’re sorry but there’s new chef in the kitchen and things are going to be a little different from now on. We’re talking creamier hot chocolate, puffier pancakes, and brownies that will make tears of joy spray out your eyes like a sprinkler system.

We’re talking about using milk instead of water, baby.

AWESOME!

— Email message —

“Thank you for speaking at the summit today! I was sitting at the back and your story and words were so encouraging. My husband left in 2007 and my supposedly secure job was a goner when the economy took a down turn.  I was laid off exactly 90 days after I closed on my first house.  I struggled for the next 18 months to find something and 300 resumes and lots of bills later I found a job. So, two weeks ago I sent my son to Ohio to be with my family, packed up my house in Myrtle Beach, and moved into the basement here in DC.  I don’t know a single person here and have no support system to help with my son…however…there are some pretty AWESOME things I’ve seen: 1. A family who did not know me offered to let us stay with them for free, 2. Finally finding someone with the same stupid humor as me who travels 10 hours to be with me… and have brownie batter fights at midnight!, and 3. Skyping with my son and watching him blow ear plugs out of his nose and listening to him belly laugh over it!” – Candace

Photo from: here and here