Lick and load, people.

Yeah, yeah, sure, we ain’t mailing letters much these days but we both know there’s the odd time you’re forced to fold-n-crease a piece of paper and snug it tightly into a envelope for some smoooooooth mailing.

Now, if you don’t nail it properly you get a fat wedge sticking out the top of the envelope and are left with two horrible choices:

1. The Creasy Jungle. This is where you unfold and refold your crinkly masterpiece. It’s not ideal because there’s no hiding your terrible folding habits. Your letter gets so messy you may as well mail them a stinkbomb or an envelope full of fire ants at this point.

2. The Fat Flabby Fold-Down. This one’s the postage equivalent of attempting an awkward twelve-point turn when your parallel parking job ends up three feet from the curb. When you’re rocking the fat flabby you’re just bending that top crease backwards really tightly. This gives you a thick n’ chunky wedge that barely squeezes in.

Friend, between you and me: there are issues.

Yes, that’s why it’s great when you manage to fold that paper so tightly and fold that paper so rightly that your letter slip n’ slides right into the waiting envelope’s mouth.

When you nail it your eyes twinkle a tiny bit, your smile curls at the lip, and your swagger shakes at the hip, baby.

AWESOME!

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This is the childhood version of Mr. Fixit.

Whether you’re shooting free throws in the driveway, whipping tennis balls at a wall, or tossing frisbees in the park, it always happens, man. Someone tosses it a bit too high, a bit too wobbly, or a bit too wrong direction, and suddenly your whole game gets lodged in a tight squeeze.

Now, the best way to unjam that ball is of course by using its fellow family members against it. This is the backyard equivalent of putting the hostage taker’s mom on the phone during the tense negotiations.

“Antonio, please. It’s your mother. You don’t have to do this,” the bald, withered tennis ball in the crowded street pleads over the radio to the angry scarred one sitting in the gutter.

“I love you, Antonio.”

Yes, using one ball to rescue another one is a truly great thing. Just make sure you watch out for these potential trip-ups along the way:

1. Double Down. This is when your second ball joins the first ball instead of popping it out. Now you’ve got mom and son in the gutter and you’re running out of things to toss up there. Right now’s the time someone usually heads into the garage to get a ladder, hockey stick, or some long foam swimming pool noodles.

2. It’s Raining Running Shoes. This is the opposite of the double down. In this case the good news is the tennis racquet, garden stones, or running shoes you tossed up there did the job. The bad news is you weren’t ready for both to fall so you took a hard Reebok to the kisser on its way down.

3. The Understudy. The good news is you were able to pop the wedged basketball out from behind the backboard. The bad news is you got your other ball stuck up there. You can almost hear the announcer on the PA system, too. “Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. The role of tightly wedged Spalding will be played by half-deflated volleyball in tonight’s performance.”

4. The Sunset. This is where you take so long to dislodge the football out of the tree that the sun sets and forces you to come back tomorrow. This also happens when you’re the one who got the Frisbee hanging from the tree branches to begin with so your friends just wait till you pass it down and leave you up there.

Now, come on, come on, come on: Let’s not let those dreaded trip-you-ups cool down your buzz. We all know the truth is that another ball generally does the job just fine.

So while you’re out grabbing exercise, running around, and getting those cardio levels burning, just remember when your ball gets lodged and your game hits pause, you can always toss another ball up there to get your search and rescue plan running.

Yes, with a sturdy chin, firm brow, and steely determination, you’ll be just fine out there.

Good luck, driveway warriors.

AWESOME!

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You weren’t sure if you were gonna score that cheese-drippy sandwich or crispy hashbrown soaking through the paper sleeve. But you ran in the door and then barely scored a hot and steamy breakfast before the menus flipped, the lights started flashing, and hot burgers started rolling off the line.

Now you can kill your early morning munchies a few different ways. Yes, grab that greasy breakfast before the buzzer, snag a fresh lunch after the flip, or go half-and-half with an Egg McMuffin with fries stuffed in it or a Big Mac with a hashbrown patty in place of the middle bun.

You’re a fast-food superstar.

AWESOME!

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Just slide smoothly into that second skin and get ready to rock the streets with your perfectly wrapped package. Yes, it’s time to shake that booty strong and get your moves on long because you look great, girlfriend.

See, we all have that one perfect pair of pants that fits us best. And I think we all know how it feels to throw them on before heading out.

AWESOME!

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Smile and stare out into the glimmery ocean distance as your feet sink and squish into the wet sand at the edge of the waves. Squeeze pockets of drippy beach in your hands and rub your dirty palms together for a mini-massage as the burnt orange sun slowly dips down in the distance. Breathe that warm and salty ocean breeze and dig your feet in deep as you close your eyes for a moment, let your mind drift away, and just let it all go.

Just let it all go.

Just let it all go.

AWESOME!

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Sorry, airplane overhead bin. Maybe next time, basement stairwell ceiling. Catch you later, car trunk latch.

AWESOME!

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Swirling seas of milky white twist and twirl like strange and distant galaxies in the far corners of outer space. As you grab a rushed coffee break in the chatty workplace cafeteria or cutlery-clinking dining hall, just stare deeply into your chipped ceramic telescope and enjoy the two-second escape from reality to watch those floating clouds mix and melt deep into the swirling darkness.

AWESOME!

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Belly buttons means business, buddy.

Yes, your innie or outtie is where heaping truckfuls of DNA were dumped into your ittie bittie body when you were a cute little negative-year-old. And of course, as a special thank-you present from those few fetal months of dump-truck deliciousness, you get a lifelong tummy scar that occasionally gets plugged up with rogue bits of T-shirt lint.

Now, when this happens you know what to do: Slap on some sunblock, grab your rod, and motor out into the deep to reel in that big sucker. After fighting it tooth and nail under the hot summer sun, you’ll feel a strong sense of smirking satisfaction when you finally fish her out and finish the job.

Make sure to grab a photo back at the docks.

AWESOME!

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We’re all gonna get lumps.

We’re all gonna get bumps.

Nobody can predict the future but we do know one thing about it: It ain’t gonna go according to plan.

Yes, we’ll all have massive highs, big days, and proud moments. Color faded, postcard-streaked blurs will float and flash through our brains on our deathbeds, of wide eyes on graduation stages, father-daughter dances at weddings, and healthy baby screeches in the delivery room. And dotting those big moments will be smaller ones too: fragile hugs with Grandma on Christmas morning, two-year-olds handing you a bouquet of dandelions and saying ‘I love you’, or your boyfriend staring into your eyes and smiling while lazing in bed on Sunday morning.

But like I said.

We’re all gonna get lumps.

We’re all gonna get bumps.

It’s sad but things could happen or hurt you that you just can’t predict.

Your husband might leave you, your girlfriend may cheat, your headaches might be serious, your dog could get smacked in the street. Yes, your kids might get mixed up with tough gangs or bad scenes. It’s sad but your mom could get cancer… or your dad could get mean.

There will be times in your life you’re tossed down the well, too. There will be times you’ll cry yourself to sleep, with twists in your stomach, with holes in your heart. You may wonder if it’s all worth it and you may think that it ain’t. You may wonder if you can handle it or you may beg for restraint.

But when bad news washes over you and when the pain sponges and soaks in, I really hope you feel like you’ve always got two big choices:

1. You can swish and swirl in gloomy darkness forever, or
2. You can grieve and face the future with newly sober eyes

Sure, life has dealt me some blows in the couple years I’ve been writing this site and this book. There was the mind-numbing loneliness of moving to a brand new nowhere town, the broken heart of a major breakup, the searing waves of regret when a friend disappeared, and the general life pressures of starting a new job, living on my own, and trying to make new friends in a big city.

But I’m lucky because I’ve had a way out for the past two years. I’ve had a secret pill to swallow, a magic potion to swirl, and a bubbly cauldron to sip from every time I felt down or felt black or felt blue. And I hope you know that remedy and I hope you feel it, too.

After all, you’re reading it right now.

Yes, awesome things make my life better, people. And I hope they do the same for you.

I honestly can’t go a day anymore without smiling at a couple tiny awesome things in my world. Whether it’s fixing electronics by smacking them, waking up and realizing it’s Saturday, or moving all my wet clothes from the washer to the dryer without dropping anything, these tiny things make a great big difference.

So come on. Come on! Are you with me? Who’s with me? I say if you’ve got a couple fist-pumps in you, if you’ve got a sneaky twinkle in your eye, if you’ve got an itchy old soul that loves smiling at strangers, dancing at weddings, and popping the hell out of bubble wrap, then come on in and join The AWESOME Movement.

Yes, it’s my sincere hope that The Book of Awesome helps those who need it to grieve, move on, and remind them the best things in life are free. For those folks, maybe it’s a ladder out of the well or a dusty flashlight beam in the darkness. For others, perhaps it’s just a little laugh on the back of the toilet, a bit of peace before bed, or a spark for debates about gasoline fumes, alarm clock strategy, or what matters most to you, you, or you.

For me, I know I’ll have more dark days, and I know my friends will too, but I like thinking that snow days, steamy buffets, and the cool side of the pillow will always cheer me through to the other side.

While polar ice caps melt, while health care debates rage on, while buzz saws chop down forests, while wars go on and on, I hope there’s always a special place we can click online in the darkness or flip open for a few minutes to turn off that bright light, snuggle right on up, and get comfy to chat about the sweetest parts of life.

Thank you for letting me take a break to share personal stories about myself and behind The Book of Awesome this week. The comments and emails have been achingly beautiful and wet my eyes many times. I am so incredibly thankful, lucky, honored, and excited to keep going down this road with you.

Thank you for letting our stories all tightly twist together as we all keep moving forward and we all keep moving on.

AWESOME!

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My friend Chris died last year.

He quietly suffered from mental illness for a long time but took great care to ensure everybody around him felt good, felt happy, and never worried about him. Most people didn’t know because his first concern was always how you were feeling, not him.

I spoke to Chris three or four times a week in the year leading up his passing and I could tell he was in terrible anguish sometimes, and had been for a while. I really hope and think he’s finally found relief… despite how severe a measure he had to take to find it.

I miss him all the time and think about our final phone call at 10:30 the night before he disappeared. I think about how maybe I could have changed his mind if I knew what he was thinking. I think about what I’d say differently if I had that chance again.

But I never will.

In the weeks that followed there was a massive outpouring of support and we organized an event to celebrate his life. I collected stories from friends and classmates and we read them aloud in a rented restaurant where we flashed images and laid out some of his clothes, books, and photos. There were a lot of tears and hugs as we soberly faced the massive loss.

At a loud party a few years back, Chris suddenly draped a red blanket over himself and started full-out dancing to Madonna’s Like A Prayer while everyone cheered and formed a big clapping circle around him. He gyrated his hips, pointed at the crowd, and completely sunk into a magic moment of pure, free and easy bliss while everybody watched. Somebody captured the moment on film and I keep the shiny 8 x 10 pinned above my computer at home. Every night last summer while I wrote The Book of Awesome, I looked up at him dancing and smiled.

See, Chris is a huge part of all this. Most nights on the phone he told me bluntly what he thought of the day’s post and gave ideas for more. He commented under his Mexican half-brother pseudonym San Carlos and many early posts are dotted with his thoughts. Only a few days before his death he wrote on #840 Popping Bubble Wrap “I learned on the news that bubble wrap is a fantastic insulator because of the trapped air. So, if you’re cold and have nothing else besides bubble wrap, DO NOT POP IT but wrap yourself in it.” On #839 Really good candy with your bill at a restaurant he chimed in with “And let us not forget the wholesome goodness of restaurants that serve fresh fruit at the end.” And then on #836 When you push the button for the elevator and it’s already there he simply added “Spot on!”

That was his last comment.

Chris passed away before 1000 Awesome Things won those Webby Awards last spring and got a book deal with a great gang down in New York. I wish he could have seen how far we’ve come since his first comment on the very first post. I wish he could see how far all his strong words of encouragement pushed us forward.

After submitting the first draft of the book last August, I spoke with the publisher and we agreed to chop a few gross-out entries like Picking your nose, Blowing your nose in the shower, and Your colon. We wanted to squeeze some more new content in and plus, let’s face it, not everyone’s as into snot as me.

Anyway, when I submitted the second draft a month later I sorta forgot Your colon in there, hoping nobody would notice. But they noticed all right — turns out they actually read these things — and it came back with a red circle and the polite question “Didn’t we agree to pull this one?” So again I said I’d take it out but again … I sorta forgot. And I sorta forgot on the next draft, too.

And then we talked about it and they smiled and nodded and now it’s in the book.

See, the truth is I included Your colon because it was always Chris’ favorite post. He called me the night I wrote it breathlessly giggling. “I love it,” he started. “It’s hilarious and … strangely illuminating.” In the months that followed he’d always bring it up again, too. “Nice writeup on all-you-can-eat buffets today,” he’d start “… but it’s no colon.”

When we talked about that post that night I could hear his laughs so clearly through the phone. I could see his thin eyes get thinner, his glasses slip and fog a bit, and his small body rolling back and forth as he giggled and shook his head and enjoyed a nice moment.

That’s how I still picture him today. That’s the picture that inspired an awesome thing in the book called When you hear someone’s smile over the phone.

Because listen, we all are who we are who we are. There’s people who made you, people who shaped you, and people who changed you.

When you’re lucky enough to have unforgettable friends in your life do yourself a favor and make sure they’re unforgettable. Spend time, make memories, tell them you love them, whenever you can, however you can.

Chris, thank you for your laughs, friendship, and inspiration. Thank you for being a big part of my life, a big part of this site, and a big part of this book. Your memory goes on, grows on, and lives on, because you’re so unforgettably

AWESOME!

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This post is part 4 of 1 2 3 4 5