Author: Neil Pasricha

Good grass is hard to find.

Yes, if you’ve paid a visit to your local playground or backyard recently, you know those fresh, clean, silky smooth greens are a rare breed. Broken glass, dog doo, and crumpled fast food bags can coat the shaggy green carpets around your home.

It’s tough out there but don’t worry: According to our egghead pals, grass is the most common plant in the whole wide world. Yup, thousands of species cover mountaintops, swamp bogs, prairie plains, and Wimbledon courts all over our swirling, twirling planet.

We just gotta find it.

So grab your binoculars, toss on a backpack, and head into the wilderness to scope those fresh patches of soft grassy greens blowing quietly in the warm wind. When you get there, drop the pack, peel off the stinky socks, and get walking, brother. After all:

1. Exotic toe massage. How often do your pita-bread cracked heels, broken soles, and little toe elbows score some rubby loving? We’re gonna bet not too often. Honestly, speak up if you’re getting this action somewhere else because we’re all ears. For most of us the blades-of-grass rubdown is the only foot action we get. We’ll take it!

2. Slick n’ slidin’. Sometimes there’s fresh morning dew out, sometimes you slide your screen door open after a summer shower, sometimes the backyard sprinkler’s raining down on everything. On all these magic moments the cool wet blades massage your foot’s wrinkly nooks and crannies and calm your soul. We’ll take it!

3. Do the doo. Hey, we’ve all stepped in dog crap before and there’s nothing pretty about it. All we’re gonna say is if your six-year-old steps in it while running around in bare feet, well that’s a lot easier to clean than if they step in it wearing brand new bright white sneakers. We’ll take it!

Yes, if you’re with us you know grass is a nice escape from the scalding sand, burning driveway, or pebbly pavement scratching at our feet.

We’ll take it!

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, here, here, here, and here

The Kids Table is where all the kids eat dinner at holiday family gatherings.

It’s generally a rickety card table from the basement pushed beside a yellow plastic one from the playroom that ends up turning Grandma’s hallway into an eat-in kitchen. Sometimes it’s two different heights, sometimes the chairs are broken, and usually the whole thing is covered in a plastic Christmas tablecloth freshly ripped from the dollar store cellophane.

No matter what though, The Kids Table a great place to find burps, laughs, and juice spills at a holiday meal. Everyone’s enjoying a warm evening with cousins decked out in their finest cableknit sweaters, rosy red cheeks, and massive bedhead.

Yes, The Kids Table is great for many reasons.

First off, no parents, no problems. Nope, they’re all baking pies, playing ping-pong, or sipping eggnog by the fireplace. The parenting theory here is that the kids sort of form a group safety net who will likely come screaming if somebody gets hurt, so no need for a pesky watchful eye. So with all adults distracted, rules fly out the window and suddenly elbows lean up on tables, chewed-up brussel sprouts get hidden in napkins, and somebody starts eating mashed potatoes with their bare hands.

And no matter what how old everybody is the rule at The Kids Table is that you must act like you’re seven. Teenagers who think they’re too old for the table quickly start blowing bubbles in their milk, pouring salt in people’s drinks, and giggling like mad. Then someone pops a loud fart and everyone laughs for ten straight minutes.

Lastly, let’s not forget that The Kids Table eats first and sometimes features special items like lasagna with no onions, random chopped-up hot-dogs, or real Coke.

People, a lot of good times and great moments happen at The Kids Table. Little ones learn from older siblings and cousins. Childhood bonds and friendships are formed over toys, tears, and gravy spills. And for kids, it’s good practice for eating with high-school pals at the local greasy spoon when someone gets their driver’s license or scarfing a hungover breakfast with college roommates at the dining hall.

So thank you, The Kids Table.

For all you do.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

Hey man, thanks for coming over. Wait, wait, wait, hold on, uh, don’t take off your shoes for a second. Listen, I’ve got this desk, and I sorta really need to get it out to the garage. Could you, I mean, it’ll only take a second.

(sheepish grin)

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Holidays are stressful.

Gift shopping, mall hopping, money dropping, and through it all you’re planning in-law sleepovers, giant family dinners, and complicated travel plans.

It’s nice in these roaring revved-up moments when a complete stranger catches your eye and wishes you a heartfelt happy holidays.

Whether it’s the cashier at the grocery store, the receptionist at your gym, or the lady getting a perm beside you at the salon, it’s nice scoring that warm little season’s greetings to remind us we’re all chasing the same ol’ thing.

That’s right: Love, big hugs, family time, and cozy company right when we need it most.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

My friend Rob welcomes visitors to his swanky apartment by flash-bulbing them in the face with a dusty old Polaroid camera.

After the picture slides out and the  color fades in he staples it to a foam board in his front hallway. Over time he’s created a giant collage presumably titled Anybody Who’s Ever Visited Me and turned a blank white wall into an artsy conversation piece.

When some friends and I crashed with Rob a year ago he promptly flash-bulbed us in the face a couple times. He handed me the extra pic while sticking the first on the wall and I stuffed it in my bags and forgot about it … forgot about it, that is,  until last week when I noticed a tiny white corner sticking out of my suitcase and rediscovered the blurry photo inside a brand new secret pocket!

Yes, finding hidden compartments in things you already own is like striking oil in your own backyard, people.

After all, you’ve known your old pal Backpack forever. You know her left zipper’s gummed up and you’ve watched with teary eyes as her stitching slowly ripped off her left strap. So when you notice a secret built-in pencil case pouch deep down in her inner shadows, it’s a mind-blowing moment. Suddenly she’s got a whole new strut in her step and trot in her walk, like she popped back out of backpack rehab.

Same thing with Bathing Suit. Sure, his zip-string is loose and dangly, he’s covered in lint balls, and his bright red logo has faded to a dull pink, but when you first notice that tiny mesh pocket for holding keys hanging inside his elastic waistband, your brain blasts to outer space. He’s like a hunched over old man suddenly tossing away his cane and then tap-dancing across the sidewalk.

So today let’s give thanks and give cheers to the surprise sunglasses holder in the roof of your car, that second pocket in your navy blue blazer, and the hidden change holder riding like a treasure chest deep down in your car’s arm rest.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, and here

Nope, not even a year twisted into a ball of knots in the basement could take the sparkle out of these bright little bulbs. So untie them slowly, hang them quickly, and help get the whole neighborhood shining.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Put your hand up if you type slow.

Yes, if you’re a clickity-clackity finger-punching purist whose chubby fingers stab at the keyboard with the rhythm and grace of a tiny bird picking pebbles at the park, then you’re not alone.

Stumbling over emails, bumbling over book reports, you touch-type with a finger-bouncing pace that backspaces a bunch, slows down in a crunch, and gets twisted and snarled on big word speed bumps.

Thank goodness you’ve got your username and password for some speed of lightning superfast quick-typing.

Oh yeah, baby.

Yes, when you log onto your computer, innernet, or email account your fingers suddenly take on a life of their own. They become possessed and you barely recognize them as they zip-zoom across the keys in a windy blur like The Flash.

Sometimes you really don’t even know your password because your brain has outsourced all memory of it to your fingers  who somehow always manage to come up with it right when you need it most.

AWESOME!

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p style=”text-align:right;”>Photos from: here

When the dinner party wraps up, the quilting bee buzzes off, or your friends all grab their coats and head down to catch a cab, it’s time to take a second to stand alone in the center of your place, smile slowly, and finally just blast it out.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Babies are funny.

While zooming down the highway with my friend Agostino last week he broke into a story about his one-year-old daughter. Apparently while feeding her a bowl of mushy peas she suddenly started sticking her tongue out, slowly and suspiciously peering down at it, and then wiggling it around.

It was like she suddenly came to the starstruck realization that “I can control this thing!”

And what an amazing day that must be, for you, for me, for anybody. After all, we grow up inside these flabby blobs of flexy muscles, whirring organs, and gurgling body parts, and then discover what everything does along the way.

The mysteries of your tongue are sort of discovered along the way, too. And what beautiful mysteries they are:

1. Tongue got your cat. Yes, the muscles at the back of your tongue help make certain sounds while talking like hard g’s and c’s. Try saying the word “go” or “cat” really slowly and you’ll feel that pink puppy push across the roof of your mouth.

2. Bubble blower. Hey, that wad of chewing gum ain’t gonna balloon into a thin n’ shaky pink bubble on it’s own.

3. Whistle while you work. Think of your mouth like the cold garage where your lips and tongue come together to jam after school. Your lips make a small opening and your tongue gets the bumping grooves going. Also works for singing.

4. Taste the rainbow. When you’re a one-year old baby you’ve got around 10,000 tastebuds covering your tongue and when you’re a wrinkly old fart you’ve got around 5,000. These tiny flavor-detectors are why mushy bananas and macaroni taste so good when you’re a kid and bloody steaks and olives do the job when you’re older. On top of all that, your tongue helps move food to your teeth and then down the gully for digestion. He’s basically the whistle-blowing traffic cop of your body.

5. Clean your fur. If your entire body is covered in fur your tongue helps you clean off instead of taking a bath.

6. French kissing. Apparently swapping spit is a common gesture of affection throughout the animal kingdom with lovers kissing with their tongues in jungles, deserts, and bat caves throughout the world. Evolutionary biologist Thierry Lode even argues that tongue kissing has a real function — to explore a partner’s immune system through their saliva. Yeah, I know: hot.

Once upon a time you discovered your tongue with a profound sense of eye-widening wonder and amazement. Over time you began using its magical powers to try new foods, learn how to speak, sing in the car, or snuggle up with a young love.

So today give three cheers to that fleshy pink slab of greatness sitting inside your hot, disgusting mouth. Use its noble powers today to sit back and scream forward one big booming word with me…

AWESOME!

Photos from: here, here, here, and here