Let’s see here.

Saturday we got here. Sunday we did nothing. Then after that we did nothing. The next day we did nothing. And we’re doing nothing now.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

I suck at parallel parking.

Honestly, just look at me out there: tire-scraping, curb-bumping, seven-point turning in the middle of the busy downtown street. Yes, that’s why I always breathe a massive sigh of relief when someone stops by to lend me a hand:

1. Airport Crew Chief. Strap a neon vest and giant earmuffs on this gal because she’s straight off the landing strip. If you’re lucky she’ll stand in your side mirror and use that beautiful two-hands-getting-closer-together technique.

2. The Extremist. Dude’s got no middle ground. He’s an extreme screamer who’s favorite lines are “Back back back back back ba STOP!” and “Lots of space lots of space lots of — you’re on the curb.”

3. Mr. Measures. This teacher’s straight outta the portables and all about the accuracy. He’ll be dusting chalk off his hands while inspecting your bumper and calling out “You’ve still got four inches.”

Yes, we sure love these kind sidewalk souls. Without their help we’d be craning our necks and twisting our spines so it’s great when they pop on by to help us pop on in.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here and here

Peel the pleasure.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a Smooth Roller who uses your finger to slowly wheel the sticky icky into a little jelly roll or a Stretch Inspector who grabs a glue corner and yanks it further and further until it eventually snaps.

Nope, doesn’t matter at all.

Just enjoy the ride.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Every plate has a story.

Maybe it’s a cab of college kids on an endless summer road trip. Beef jerky wrappers, stained T-shirts, and a sweaty cooler fill the backseat of the rusty Volvo as they cruise cross country to soak in some sunny freedom before school starts. You see them laughing in front of you and softly smile at distant days gone by…

Or maybe it’s a couple retirees enjoying the first few weeks of a brand new life. As you pass their big boxy RV in the slow lane, you peek in and notice a wrinkly driver in a tight ballcap and baggy pink shirt steering fiercely with big twinkle in her eye. Your brain backflips as you daydream about your last day of work …

Or maybe it’s a family station wagon filling up at the pumps with a canoe on the roof and sleeping bags in the window. Two kids are playing video games in crumbs and juice stains as baby chews Cheerios and falls fast asleep. You glance at your boyfriend riding shotgun and he looks up innocently and smiles…

Yes, seeing a license plate from far away is a reminder we’re all tied together from the edge of our driveways to the edge of your driveways. Dusty towns, big cities, open fields, and tree-lined lanes may lie between us… but the truth is we’re all in this together: bouncing in cars, swerving down roads, spinning in place, flying through space.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here and here

I’m terrible at board games.

Look at me: trying to roll doubles to bust outta jail, putting down bill or door on a no-word score, and frantically stabbing my pencil at my scribbly drawing over and over while the hourglass sand drips down. You see, this why I love those rare moments when even I manage to nail a perfect board game move:

10. When someone challenges a word  you made up in Scrabble and it ends up being a real word. Thanks for your giant, nonsensical vocabulary, Scrabble Dictionary. We’ll take op, pe, or xi to the bank any day.

9. Eating the last marble in Hungry, Hungry Hippos. When the game begins it’s a gobble, gobble, give mom a headache feeding frenzy. But when there’s only one white marble spinning around everything turns into goosebump-popping, eyebrow-furrowing strategy and wit. Make your move and calmly splash back into the river.

8. Suddenly noticing you got a surprise diagonal in Connect Four. When you realize you won the game make sure you throw your nose in the air, give a slow and evil smile, and calmly pet your cat. This was your plan all along.

7. Becoming a doctor in LIFE. When you land on the top salary spot you’re laughing for the rest of the game. Just make sure your station wagon doesn’t topple off the side the mountain spilling your pink and blue kids everywhere.

6. When your partner figures out that bumpy lump of purple clay you’re molding in Cranium is  actually a cheeseburger. Good work, Michelangelo.

5. Guessing someone’s Mastermind combination in three tries. Even though it’s usually a fluke make sure you take a minute to stare absently at the ping-pong table and daydream about life as a professional codebreaker.

4. Actually using the horse to kill off a major player in Chess. That legless knight never seems very powerful until the moment you realize he’s in trampling distance of a big kill. Make sure you use the piece to purposefully whack your opponent across the room and, for extra fun, let out an obnoxious whinny.

3. Using the stock answer for a Trivial Pursuit category and getting the pie piece. Thanks for saving the day Carl Lewis, Marlon Brando, or nitrogen.

2. Coming up with a lie so good in Balderdash that when they’re all read out you almost believe your own definition is the real one. You’re at the top of your game so enjoy the moment and get ready to reel in some suckers.

1. Rolling double-sixes in Monopoly and landing between the other guy’s Park Place and Boardwalk hotels. Good move skipping the five-star joints in favor of crashing on Baltic Avenue. The kids didn’t need a swimming pool or HBO anyway.

People, you know and I know it: these Perfect Board Game Moments can change the game and knock your opponent straight outta the living room. They’re beautiful little breaks in the middle of tense moments that fill family night with a great big shot of

AWESOME!

It’s the grocery bag of paper towels, the suitcase of socks, or the moving box of mittens.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here

Mmmm, girl.

You know it and I know it: that zip-zippery sound of winding anything up is a slow building crescendo of anticipation. You crank the plastic walking toy, spin the garden hose wheel, or twist the egg timer tightly until everything locks and loads. Don’t matter whether you’re reeling in a fish, charging a manual flashlight, or preparing a set of chattering teeth to walk across the kitchen table, it all feels great.

It’s the sound of important work about to start. It’s the sound of important work about to finish. It’s the sound of progress, movement, and clicky little baby steps toward a bigger goal. Soon the fish jumps out of the water, the flashlight lights up the campsite, or  the toy teeters across the cold basement floor.

That wind-up clicking scratches a tiny little itch deep in our brain and gives a smirky sense of satisfaction when you’ve twisted ’til you can’t twist no more. Yes, when you build energy up inside whatever you’re winding up, you sure do crank yourself up, too.

AWESOME!

Jam your elbows in that stomach, breathe in those shampoo fumes, and squeeze your knees into the puffy cushions while spooning into a quick catnap on the couch. As drool drips, skin warms, and a slippery sweatfilm slides between you, just smile, close your eyes, and fade into a quiet cuddly moment with someone you love.

AWESOME!

Photos from: here

What’s your glue movie?

For me, I’m completely sucked in anytime I accidentally stumble on A League of Their Own while flipping channels. Yes, watching Tom Hanks and Geena Davis scratch out wins on the ball diamond always hooks me like a fish ’til the credits roll.

See, glue movies are any movie you can’t stop watching whenever you see them on TV.

Nope, don’t matter how many times you’ve seen ’em, don’t matter if you own ’em already — just forget the laundry, skip the dishes, and make your lunch tomorrow, people. You’re stuck in a glue movie so start popping corn and pouring Pepsis because you ain’t going anywhere.

Now, I was chilling in my friend Nick and Julie’s basement apartment the other night when we started chatting about glue movies. After I spent five minutes spilling potato chip crumbs all over my T-shirt while describing Madonna and Rosie O’Donnell’s on field chemistry, Nick started up a rant of his own.

“You know, you would think my glue movie would be The Usual Suspects,” he began. “I can pick it up anywhere and knowing the twist makes every scene more interesting. Like, what’s true, what’s made up? I’ve seen it twenty times and I still don’t know. But then again, it’s completely unwatchable when edited for television. In the police line-up scene they say something like ‘Hand me the keys, you giant cockroach.‘ It’s awful. So… now that I think about it my glue movie is definitely Heat. Long movie, understated performance by Deniro, the best bank robbing scene in history, and enough relationship stuff so Julie gets into it.”

It was a good argument and Nick was satisfied with it. He took a long swig of his drink and nodded his head a little bit as he came to terms with his glue movie selection. Then I performed a classy Thumb & Index Finger Pre-Lick, we let a minute pass in silence, and Julie went off like a rocket:

“My movie is definitely The Mighty Ducks 2,” she started, excitedly. Nick and I looked at each other but she ramped up. “Look, I’m smiling just thinking about it. I had a crush on all the boys from the first movie, but I can only responsibly love them closer to the legal age of consent. Plus, they had a girl on the team and I always dreamed of being that female hero. And I generally love movies with kids because they remind you of actors before they were big. I mean, I loved Joshua Jackson in Dawson’s Creek because of the ducks,” she finished.

Nick shrugged and nodded, I furrowed my eyebrows and gave a dramatic thumbs up, but Julie wasn’t quite done.

“Oh yeah!” she beamed. “And the movie taught me everything I know about hockey which can be summarized in three words: Ducks fly together. This is what I yell whenever Nick’s watching hockey.”

We smiled and laughed because it was clear these movies really do hold a special place in our hearts.

Maybe you’re glued to the screen waiting for the redemption in Shawshank, nervous for the courtroom drama in My Cousin Vinny, or eager for the trip home in Adventures in Babysitting.

But no matter what, watching your glue movie is like hanging out with an old friend who pops by for an unexpected visit. After pouring a drink and settling into your couch dent, the memory pops and nostalgia drops start sparking and sizzling in your brain. Suddenly you’re reminded of drives to the movies in mom’s minivan, crashing on the couch with friends, or sharing an old fave with a new flame.

So stick with your glue movies, everybody.

They’ll be yours forever.

AWESOME!

You’re a human pillow.

Feel that tiny heart beating on your chest, that strawberry-sized hand gripping your finger, and those baby powder breaths softly whispering in and out…

When you were a little baby you fell asleep on people all the time, too. Now that you’re all grown up you’re helping another life on its way.

And just think: One day way off in the distance this softly sleeping snuggler will be doing the exact same thing.

AWESOME!

Photo from: here