Everyone’s mom’s are a little bit different.
But your mom’s are the best.
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
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#594 When your windshield wipers match the beats of the song you’re listening to
Cruising home from a friend’s place, driving the kids to school, rolling home on the highway, you smile softly and focus on the road as your head bops to the stereo.
Suddenly clouds cover the sky, the air gets heavy, and big drops start pitter-pattering your windshield. Snare drum staccatos fill your car’s cabin and you quickly flip on your windshield wipers.
But if you’re lucky this is when the groove starts grooving and your car starts moving as you notice your wipers are timed perfectly to the stereo beats. Yes, without even trying your rusty bucket’s become a pitch-perfect concert hall on the highway.
Hands clapping, fingers tapping, you click your turn signal on so a little high-hat and dashboard disco light join your dance party on wheels. With your body bumping and your brain buzzing your one-man jam band rocks out in the fast lane.
You sorta feel like George Harrison in that video where his desk drawers, grandfather clock, and wall-mounted deer all get into it and start shaking to the tunes. It feels like everyone’s coming together for this great big booming moment. You smile and laugh and sing a long as cosmic energy swirls and the universe gives you a little wink to let you know everything’s unfolding according to plan.
AWESOME!
Photos from: here
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#595 On tap anything
Once upon a time my friend Chad went to college.
Now, Chad likes to tell people what made him decide to go to school and the reasons why he traded in a job at Best Buy for a few hard years of hitting the books.
See, on a whim one weekend Chad packed his trunk and cruised down the highway to visit our friend Mike who was away at school. They didn’t have any plans but spent a couple days going out for drinks and eating meals at the residence dining hall.
And it was in that dining hall that Chad first came face to face with a big beautiful stainless steel object of his desire. Yes, he glanced up slowly and realized in a stunning moment that he was staring straight at chocolate milk on tap.
His jaw dropped and his eyeballs flashed fireworks as he immediately filled three glasses with the sweet-flowing brown gold and let his brain reel with infinite possibilities.
“It’s like neverending chocolate milk,” he said at the time, his eyebrows furrowed and his head bobbing in quick nods. And then: “I gotta go to college!”
Yes, this really is a true story. Chocolate milk on tap convinced Chad to ditch his job and head down the highway the following year. Chocolate milk on tap changed his life because anything on tap is great.
Let’s count down some killer classics:
• Slurpees. Flip the switch sideways and let the crystal cola slide smoothly into your cup like a snake. For bonus points, mix and match flavors until your drink looks like the surface of Jupiter.
• Brown soda. Did you ever get behind an open bar at a wedding when you were a kid? Hey, if you remember mixing tall glasses full of fountain Coke, Sprite, Orange, and Root Beer into delightfully tangy swill, you had a great childhood.
• Beer at a keg party. Forget the bottles and cans for a night. Now it’s time for some foamy pumping. If you’re the one guy who actually knows how to tap the keg then you’re the official dude responsible for keeping everyone’s red plastic cups full tonight.
• Maple syrup. Just toss on your hiking boots in the dead of winter, walk silently to the middle of the forest, and tap that tree to get it done, son. It’s time to get sticky.
• Soft serve ice cream. Don’t you love it when your local all-you-can-eat buffet has that soft serve ice cream machine sitting right in the open? You can squeeze a little swirl into your warm, plastic wet-from-the-dishwasher bowl, or go cowboy and build the tallest, swirliest ice cream known to man.
• Water. If you’ve got a drink in the kitchen, clean hands in the bathroom, and a hot shower in the tub, then today’s your day to say thanks.
• Nacho cheese at 7-Eleven. Now here’s the heaviest hitter of all. When you swirl your salty 7-Eleven nachos under that hot pump of oozing cheese, you’re in for a good night. I once saw a guy fill up a Big Gulp cup with the stuff and take it home. The cashier was so surprised that she just charged him for a soft drink. Good deal, man.
People, listen up: when you come face to face with anything on tap all Coke cans and beer bottles fade to dark black. You grab control of the boat and start pumping nozzles and squeezing triggers with reckless abandon, breaking free of the tight shackles of portion control and sailing deeper and deeper into a shadowy paradise of no rules … no order … and no limits.
AWESOME!
Photos from: here, here, here, here, and here
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#597 When a cop drives behind you for a while and then finally passes you
Cruising cops cause traffic stops.
Yes indeedy, the rest of us law-aspiring citizens immediately slow to a speed limit cruise when we spot cops silently swerving behind our bumpers. We’re the jittery school of fish with jumpy eyes and they’re the silent shark swimming over to our lane.
With our hearts drum-thumping and our white-knuckled hands gripping the wheel we temporarily become Super Drivers — using our signals, leaving space, and checking our mirrors every two seconds.
We don’t know if the cop is eyeballing us, about to flick its flashers, or typing our license plate into its computer, so we’re in a heightened state of driving. And sometimes the cop sort of sits behind you for a while, too. Seconds tick like hours when Yourtown’s Finest stick to your heels and force questions through your brain: Was I actually speeding? Should I change lanes? Does he want me to speed up?
Everything slowly and slowly builds and builds to a bigger and bigger feeling of tension and pain…
… until he finally just zooms off into the distance, never to be heard from again.
AWESOME!
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#598 Sniffing your armpits when no one’s looking and realizing you don’t stink
Nobody’s gonna tell you you stink.
Honestly, the much-needed finger-pointing, nose-pinching tipoff is harder to spot than an albino Bigfoot.
See, there are limits to the amount of quiet social tips we’re willing to toss out there. When your tag’s hanging out the back of your sweater, we’re on it. When there’s a slimy parsley leaf stuck between your two front teeth, we’ll let you know. And if one of your collars is flipped up, we’ll get it for you.
But if there’s a cloud of B.O. flying off you with big stink-lines going in all directions, well then you’re on your own.
That’s why it’s great to snag a quiet moment to sniff your pits and make sure that deodorant’s working.
AWESOME!
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#600 Walking on cool grass with bare feet
Good grass is hard to find.
Yes, if you’ve paid a visit to your local playground or backyard recently, you know those fresh, clean, silky smooth greens are a rare breed. Broken glass, dog doo, and crumpled fast food bags can coat the shaggy green carpets around your home.
It’s tough out there but don’t worry: According to our egghead pals, grass is the most common plant in the whole wide world. Yup, thousands of species cover mountaintops, swamp bogs, prairie plains, and Wimbledon courts all over our swirling, twirling planet.
We just gotta find it.
So grab your binoculars, toss on a backpack, and head into the wilderness to scope those fresh patches of soft grassy greens blowing quietly in the warm wind. When you get there, drop the pack, peel off the stinky socks, and get walking, brother. After all:
1. Exotic toe massage. How often do your pita-bread cracked heels, broken soles, and little toe elbows score some rubby loving? We’re gonna bet not too often. Honestly, speak up if you’re getting this action somewhere else because we’re all ears. For most of us the blades-of-grass rubdown is the only foot action we get. We’ll take it!
2. Slick n’ slidin’. Sometimes there’s fresh morning dew out, sometimes you slide your screen door open after a summer shower, sometimes the backyard sprinkler’s raining down on everything. On all these magic moments the cool wet blades massage your foot’s wrinkly nooks and crannies and calm your soul. We’ll take it!
3. Do the doo. Hey, we’ve all stepped in dog crap before and there’s nothing pretty about it. All we’re gonna say is if your six-year-old steps in it while running around in bare feet, well that’s a lot easier to clean than if they step in it wearing brand new bright white sneakers. We’ll take it!
Yes, if you’re with us you know grass is a nice escape from the scalding sand, burning driveway, or pebbly pavement scratching at our feet.
We’ll take it!
AWESOME!
Photos from: here, here, and here
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#601 When guests visiting you help move something really heavy
Hey man, thanks for coming over. Wait, wait, wait, hold on, uh, don’t take off your shoes for a second. Listen, I’ve got this desk, and I sorta really need to get it out to the garage. Could you, I mean, it’ll only take a second.
(sheepish grin)
AWESOME!
Photo from: here