Tiny squirts of adrenaline pump into your bloodstream when you pull off this classic move.
Yes, suddenly you morph from Guy Walking To The Subway After Work into Indiana Jones In That Scene Where He Slides Under The Wall At The Last Second. Your hands stay clean, your strut stays mean, and you zip through that closing door and don’t look back, hoping it doesn’t nail an old lady in the face behind you.
AWESOME!
Illustration from: here
Yeah, yeah, health nuts, we know, we know.
Hands are the dirtiest part of our body — turning doorknobs, flushing toilets, shaking hands all day in a hot, neverending exchange of sweat, grime, and bacteria. And yes, those germs form tiny Ewok Villages in the cracks of our palm and corners of our fingernails and leap at any opportunity to settle down in a new home.
No, we can’t help it, because squeezing the daylights out of raw cookie batter with our bare hands is too big an enjoyment and too effective a technique to pass up.
Yes, we squeeze and squeeze and squeeze that cold, wet mess and press it out through our fingers like a Play-Doh Spaghetti Factory. We squish butter up, rub flour in, and fold those chocolate chips in there good. When we’re done, sometimes we lick each of our fingers and get raw cookie batter all over our chin.
If you’ve called your work voicemail system or local phone company so many times that you know how to jump through all the hoops to get right where you want, then you can Press 1 for being
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
My old roommate Joey had a theory about names.
“Basically, everybody should get to pick their own,” he said one Sunday morning, lazily sprawled across the couch flipping channels, his pale and hairy belly sticking out of his undershirt. “I mean, why should the biggest part of my personal identity be chosen by somebody else? Sure, you’d have a lot of six-year-olds named Superman, but we’d consider it a placeholder until they changed it to reflect their personality.”
He then sealed his airtight argument with a giant belch that filled the room with the smell of midnight gyros and we didn’t talk about it again.
Until now.
It’s been a few years, but I’m starting to wonder if Joey had a point there somewhere. Parents pick your name for you, and sometimes they come up with pretty strange ideas. But is there anything wrong with unique names? Well, maybe, maybe not. For thought-provoking discussion, let’s ask these celebrities:
10. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin – Apple. There’s something a little ripe about naming your kid after a piece of fruit. Just ask my friend Pear Rodriguez.
8. Robert Rodriguez – Rocket, Racer, Rebel, and Rogue. Dad will be so upset if Rocket becomes a plumber instead of developing the team into a band of caped crusaders.
4. Bob Geldof and Paula Yates – Fifi Trixibelle, Little Pixie, Peaches Honeyblossom, and Luscious Tropical Mango. This obviously cranks the fruit-named theme up a few notches. Personally, I think Peaches is pretty sweet, though.
2. Jermaine Jackson – Jermajesty. Talk about leading a royally confusing life. “Did you want pickles on the side, Jermajesty?” Maybe Jermaine should’ve done what brother Michael did with his baby Prince 2, which is give him a more accessible nickname like Blanket.
Moonlit skies, stained plush seats, and a quietly revving engine combine to form a perfectly cozy late night bed on the long drive home.
Whether you’re a baby in a carseat, a teen getting a lift from the party, or Grandma cabbing home from Bingo, there’s nothing like drifting into dreamland in that rusty Volvo on the slow and swervy country back roads.
Yes, those tires rumble over empty lanes as headlights pop up over hilltops, warm your eyelids, then whoosh past, leaving the entire car dark except for the faint glow from the distant dashboard clock.
And if you’re little and you’re lucky, you might even score the Bonus Version Super-Finish at the end of the trip, which includes pre-wearing pajamas under your winter coat and getting carried up to your bed by mom or dad after pulling into the driveway.
Now that’s service.
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
Polar ice caps are melting, pirates are storming the seas, wars are heating up around the world, and the stock market is in a deep freeze.
Dude, it’s getting pretty ugly out there.
If you’re like me, sometimes you think about putting on boots and a raincoat, battening down the hatches, and hiding under the bed. If you’re like me, the only reason you haven’t yet is because you don’t know what hatches are, you’ve never battened anything before, and boots are pretty expensive.
Now, we started up 1000 Awesome Things a few months back as a tiny getaway from this everyday. It’s just a brief escape from the downpour of bad news and sad news raining upon us, and I’m just some guy trying to remind myself of the simple things in life. Together we help create a place where unemployment figures, gun crimes, and rising sea levels sit backseat to wearing underwear just out of the dryer, the other side of the pillow, and old, dangerous playground equipment.
This week some nice folks sitting in lawn chairs and sipping lemonade down at the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences truck stop decided to nominate us for a Webby Award in the category of Best Blog – Culture/Personal. It was an extremely surprising and humbling gesture, and so I just wanted to stop for a day to say thanks.
Because honestly, getting recognized for doing something you love is a great feeling. Whether it’s a friendly ass-slap from the third base coach after your big home run, the long and loud applause from your grandparents after your screechy clarinet solo, or a simple “I had a great time” comment from someone you had a great time with too, well that’s what it’s all about.
So today I say thanks, everybody.
Thanks for reading, thanks for commenting, thanks for submitting ideas. Thanks for raising this barn, thanks for voting this blog up, and thanks for being a community of fun-loving, eyes-to-skies optimists. Since regardless of race, taste, home country, or pant size, the eggheads at Wikipedia say 99.9% of our DNA is the same, we’re all living together on this spinning, blue rock trucking along on the same bumpy ride.
And I guess I just want to say it’s great trucking along with all of you.
Thank you so much for being
AWESOME!
(To vote for 1000 Awesome Things at the Webbies, please click here.)
Bass thumping, heart pumping, joint jumping, it’s a buzzing Saturday night on the dance floor.
And nothing makes that party stronger or conga longer more than knowing Daylight Savings Time peels our clocks back an hour tonight and showers us all with some free weekend.
Yes, when you know three in the morning is going to spin back to two again, it’s a Free Pass to go waste a perfect hour with friends. So squeeze in some more video games, order off the menu at Drive-Thru, or dance an extra dance with Grandma at the wedding, because we all know you’ll get an extra hour of sleep anyway.
So after you spring forward don’t forget to fall right back, y’all. Cause there’s nothing so nice as living things twice.
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
Plump and juicy, fat and full, a new tube of toothpaste holds a future full of hope and promise just behind its clean cap and dent-free logo. Yes, whiter teeth, brighter smiles, and a world without bad breath are just a few minutes of gentle scrubbing each day away.
And unlike a bag of chips or a box of Froot Loops, when you drop ninety-nine cents for a tube of the good stuff, it comes to you filled all the way to the top. And sure, while scraping out one final squeeze from a flat, worn out tube of Colgate is a great rush, that first squeeze from a new tube of paste is even better.
You barely need to squeeze it.
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
Ever had a friend start buzzing with The Dating Glow?
You know, they start seeing someone new and suddenly start walking with a new pep in their step, a new trot in their walk? Maybe they lose five pounds, show up with a new haircut, or start wearing tight pants. Or maybe they just smile wider, laugh louder, and exude a new confidence about themselves.
Being with someone new makes them look and feel better and that’s a great thing. That’s The Dating Glow.
Now, if you don’t mind, let’s switch gears and talk about sandwiches — soggy, squashed, Saran-Wrapped sandwiches from the bowels of your bookbag. Those warm and tired messes look pathetic with sweaty cheese, slimy tomatoes, and warm turkey. Yes, it’s a sandwich down on its luck, lacking a bit of confidence, and in desperate need of a glow of some sort.
That’s where potato chips come in.
When you crunch up your sandwich with some carefully inserted potato chips, you inject a spicy vial of Grade A Oomph. Suddenly that pasty gob of bread and meat transforms into a rainbow of crunches and flavors. It’s the sandwich equivalent of getting a new hairdo, wearing something scandalous, or buzzing with a new vibe.
Now, before we call it a day here, let’s chat about something funny about putting chips on a sandwich. Alright, here it is: everybody thinks they invented it. Honestly, I’ll be grabbing a quick lunch with a friend from work and he’ll just sort of raise his eyebrows at me mysteriously. “Know what I like to do?” he’ll ask, squinting a bit and cracking a wry smile. “Put chips on my sandwich, that’s what,” he’ll unveil, a stiff bottom lip, some scrunched eyebrows, and a firm nod echoing the big reveal.
So that’s it, ladies and gentleman. Putting potato chips on a sandwich.
You invented it.
We all love it.
AWESOME!
Photo from: here
