Etched and sketched into the spider web recesses of our brains are all kinds of cold storage items and garage sale knick-knacks we don’t really use anymore. But once in a while it’s fun to reach back, back, way back, and discover that our creaky treasure chests are holding bits of buried gold.

Realizing you still remember old phone numbers gives a great smile-and-sunshine vibe. Lips curl, eyes twinkle, and memory reels start whirring on the rusty projector as you remember dialing those digits, day after day, day after, day after day. Making plans for the park, grumbling about teachers, whispering about cute classmates late at night, you just suddenly remember those times, those moments, and those old, old friends.

Dial them up today.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like tire names, sleeping in sheets that dried in the sun, and putting all the toppings on the hot dog bun before the actual hot dog. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

 

Photo from: here

The other day my friend Gillian was telling us about the first time her mom used a computer.

It was a long time ago, back, back, way back, and the story goes that the whole family was unpacking their new heavy, chunky PC in the middle of the living room. Styrofoam was cracked apart, boxes were torn up, and then they all slowly gathered around this big gray Box of the Future, waiting for its information powers and knowledge showers to rain down upon them.

Now, most of the fam had used a computer before so someone suggested mom get her e-groove on first. A lamp was turned on, a shiny wooden chair brought from the kitchen, and mom sat down while the machine booted up. Then, while everybody was waiting, she slowly and carefully unwrapped the mouse from its plastic bag and calmly put it on the floor by her foot.

And then, while everybody watched, Gillian’s mom slowly mimed typing and started pushing her foot on the mouse like a sewing machine pedal.

It was a hilariously cute moment.

Because we were all there once, too.

Sure, maybe you didn’t think stepping on the mouse made the computer go, but you probably were an awkward pile of keyboard konfusion as you got up to speed. Maybe you took a tutorial to learn how to double-click or you signed up for DOS classes down at the city center.

But come on, no matter what, no matter when, you know it’s totally true: You once sucked at computers, too.

But then over time you got a bit better, then a bit better, then a bit better, and now you’re pretty good. You started double-clicking instead of triple-clicking, changed your resolution from super zoomed-in to super zoomed-out, and started ALT-TABing like your life depended on it.

You turned into e-You, a barely recognizable quick-clicking Year 3000 cyborg version of yourself.

Now, the thing is that way, way down deep in your core you’re still the same person who touched a computer for the first time and learned everything from scratch. That girl’s still part of you. That guy’s still part of you.

You still remember the excitement you felt as you learned all those tips and tricks. And that’s really what makes it exciting as you keep learning tips and tricks. Yes, whether it’s a new keyboard shortcut or how to whistle, whether it’s stopping on skates or playing Stairway to Heaven, you still feel the joy of learning buzzing through your body every day.

See, you weren’t sure if you could do it, but then you tried it, and then you could. You practiced and practiced and practiced or maybe it suddenly dawned on you over time. Learning a new keyboard shortcut feels great.

That’s because learning anything feels

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like getting a glimpse of the first parade float coming around the corner, homemade food on the potluck table, and not bumping your head on that thing you always bump your head on. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Illustration from: here

Photos from: here, here, and here

This is also known as The Pity Laugh and it somehow manages to save your terrible joke from being a complete bomb. See, now you didn’t serve up a dud that hit dead air. No, no, your humor is just a little high brow and hard to understand, that’s all.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like talking to little kids about what they want to be when they grow up, lazing on the couch after a big holiday feast, and seeing a big dog sitting in the driver’s seat of a parked car. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Photo from: here

If your body starts getting used to that hot water it’s time to crank up the heat to keep the steam coming. Or if you’re in a race against the tank just turn that dial without mercy and get ready to lean back, relax, and sweat it all out.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like blowing bubbles in your milk, sitting in the very back row of a sporting event, and seeing a plane from another plane. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Photo from: here

There you are holding a dozen eggs behind a guy slow-rolling a fat shopping cart stuffed with frozen pizzas, cases of soda, and piles of produce in plastic bags. But just as your eyes start skimming the tabloid headlines and you steady yourself for a long wait, he peeks back and notices your tiny purchase and offers you the next spot in line.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like helping out an insect struggling to do something, any bite where there’s more chocolate than cookie in the chocolate chip cookie, and cutting your sandwich into triangles. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Photo from: here

My friend Joey got his face ripped off last week.

Yeah, while staring at his cheek in the mirror a few months back he noticed a a small rubbery bump below the surface of his skin. Few months, few phone calls, few appointments later he found himself under the knife in a five-hour surgery getting a chestnut sized tumor slowly untied and airlifted out of a knotty nest of nerves in a high stakes game of Operation.

Thankfully he’s okay and he’s all better and he’s managed to bounce over a pretty bumpy hill in life. We were all pretty nervous but he’s come out clean on the other side.

Plus, now he’s got a crazy scar from his ear down to his neck to show for it.

And sure, over the years the stitches will drop out, hair might grow over, and the lines on his face could slowly fade away. But he’s really got a reminder every day of how lucky he is to be alive. He added some dents and scratches to his life story.

And unless you’re a baby-powder-smelling ball of smooth skin and giggles, I’m betting your flesh and bones is covered with some gashes, scratches, scabs and stains, too.

Maybe it’s that fleshy scar on your hand from the eighth grade fistfight. You were on the bus back from shop class throwing pockets of sawdust around when tempers flared and a couple headlocks later you tripped and hit the ground.

Maybe it’s the ghost of that Giant Zit of ’97 on your forehead. Did you squeeze it too hard before prom and end up with a bad cover-up job? If so, maybe you can still find your old friend in that photo album, wedged tightly between up-dos, wrist corsages, and freshly pressed tuxes.

Maybe it’s a blurry tattoo you got with distant friends you don’t speak to anymore. You were young, you were graduating, you wanted a memento of getting through a tough year together. And you got it.

It’s the zippery line up your groin from the hernia, the tingly bump in your collarbone from the monkey bars, or the big birthmark on your back you’ve hidden under bathing suits for years.

But whatever yours are, wherever yours are, and however you got them, one thing’s for sure: your bumps and scratches are part of your life and part of your story. They’re part of your lows… and part of your glories. Yes, they’re memories of bad decisions and reminders of good ones. And they all come together in a nicely wrapped package that we like to call… you.

See, we’re all a bit bent, we’re all a bit busted, we’re all a bit broken, we’re all bit rusted. Underneath all the crinkly jeans and wrinkly shirts are beautifully personal collections of hairy legs, scratchy scars, and spotty skin.

So take a second to stop today and love all your scabs and patches. Just kiss those moles and rub those bumps and smile at all your scratches.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like when everything you’re cooking gets done at the same time, your birthday week, and that person who brings treats into work on Friday. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Photos from: here, here, and here

When this happens it’s like your day is winking at you. It sort of feels like all the mysteries of the world are about to unfold before your eyes as the universe puts up its hand and says “Hey, stop for a second!”

Also applies to 11:11.

AWESOME!

My brand new book OUR BOOK OF AWESOME has just come out! It’s a 432-page hardcover full of awesome things like how messy your face is after eating shawarma, going through a revolving door without having to push, and seeing kids reading in the hallway. Get a copy at ourbookofawesome.com!

Photo from: here

Everybody loves cartoons.

Ain’t it fun cuddling up under the blanket or plopping down on the plushy seats and getting absorbed in the tall tales about lost clown fish, tough-talking great white sharks, or Parisian sewer rats with dreams of becoming five-star chefs?

Yes, after the movie starts rolling and you fall into the cartoon fantasy, there’s always that moment where a new character enters the story and starts stealing the scene. And everyone recognizes the voice and everyone knows the voice, but without a visual it’s tough guessing which big name star’s sweating in the dark studio holding crumpled sheets of printed lines wearing giant Princess Leia head phones.

That’s why it’s great when the electrons suddenly go boom in someone’s brain and they jump up and scream out a name. Then everyone smiles and laughs and breathes a big sigh of recognition relaxation. Oh sure, sometimes there’s online fact-checking or the occasional wait-till-the-credits confirmation, but how sweet is it when someone just shouts it out and totally nails it?

Pretty sure we all know the answer to that.

AWESOME!

Today’s the day!!!!!!

Our Book of Awesome comes out today — December 6, 2022 — wherever books are sold!!!!

Photos from: here and here

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.

Yes, in terms of Kitchen Anticipation not much compares with yanking out a steaming, freeze-chilled carton of cold n’ creamy from the back of the freezer. Bowls hit the table, spoons clink on the countertop, and the carton starts frosting up as you peel back the lid.

Stare deep into the light pink swirls, cookie dough chunks, or vanilla bean dust looking up at you, but before you plant your spoon deep into the silky smooth layer, make sure you scrape off the milky fresh and creamy soft bit stuck to the bottom of the carton.

It’s your ice cream appetizer.

AWESOME!

Hey everyone! After a 10-year-awesome hiatus I have a brand new 432-page hardcover BOOK OF AWESOME coming out on December 6, 2022 from Simon&Schuster. It is my tenth book or journal since 2010. I am deeply grateful for your support. You can check it out right here.

Illustrations from: here

Stepping on someone else’s sharp, jabby toenail shard is a painful and disgusting moment. Basically, it has the same creep-out factor as poking a dead bee laying in your windowsill or accidentally crushing a hollow, dusty skull on your tour through the catacombs.

Now, on the other hand, when your toenail suddenly blasts off into outer living room and you manage to find that nearly invisible sucker hiding in the shaggy carpet, well that’s a pretty great feeling.

Good work, Sherlock Toenail.

You cracked the case.

AWESOME!

Hey everyone! After a 10-year-awesome hiatus I have a brand new 432-page hardcover BOOK OF AWESOME coming out on December 6, 2022 from Simon&Schuster. It is my tenth book or journal since 2010. I am deeply grateful for your support. You can check it out right here.

Photo from: here