Forget speeding up, forget slowing down, forget twisting your neck in twelve different directions.
Nope, now’s your chance to calmly merge without any worries and enjoy a smooth and relaxing drive home.
Photo from: here
When you’re peeling a new sheet from the flimsy cardboard box I’ve got just two words for you: watch out. We both know that plastic wrap loves blowing in the wind and get all stuck to its bad self.
Next thing you know you’re trying to frantically unpeel it, but unfortunately more and more just keeps getting stuck together. If you’re like me, this is when you realize that the plastic wrap has defeated you. With your blood boiling you roll the wrap into a tight white ball and toss it in the trash.
Now it’s time for round two.
Stare back at the cold potato salad on your countertop, steady your eyes on the thin cardboard box… and picture holding that cover tightly, pulling that wrap smoothly, and shredding that plastic swiftly on the tiny teeth. Then crack your neck, loosen your shoulders, and swallow hard before diving in…
Come in with purpose, come in with power, and just slice that wrap into one long and beautifully smooth sheet.
Check out The Book of Awesome
Without stopping our struts we’re able to sneak secret glances in your silvery buildings, glossy storefronts, or silent lakes. We stare superfast so strangers don’t think we’re mistaking the sidewalk for a runway. Of course, we manage to look long enough to see our shirts hanging just right and our hair having a good day.
Nobody needs to know our self-motivation secrets.
Photo from: here
My friends Mike and Jes had a baby so we jumped in a car and headed down the highway to visit the three-month old pile of diapers, flab, and giggly charm.
She was a stunner, too — cute and cuddly, silent and smiling, she was passed around like a hot potato for a few hours on Saturday afternoon. Now, I have no idea how to hold a baby so when someone passed me the potato I held her up by the armpits about two feet above my head. She gave me a patient smile and a weary sigh that seemed to say “Buddy, seriously?”
While I had her up there I couldn’t stop staring at her tiny feet. I mean, they were the size of hotel shampoo bottles and had ten wiggling toes searching for support way up in the living room stratosphere. All the toes were so small and had microscopic little toenails — even that tiny baby toenail, which as we all know never changes in size.
It’s fun picturing how much those tiny feet are going to do in the future. They’ll be walking this baby every single day, every step of the way. Wrapped in fresh runners on the first day of school, tied tightly in ballet slippers for the big recital, jammed into cleats for the weekend ball tournament, and wedged in hiking shoes for trips cross country. From trampolines to treadmills, from backyards to backpacking, and everything in between, these tiny feet will be clocking up and chalking up everywhere she’s going … and everywhere she’s been.
Photos from: Mike and Jes and here
Now, make no mistake here: breakfast has a lot going for it already. Yeah, we’re talking fresh brewed coffee, sizzling bacon, and hot, fluffy pancakes. Nothing wrong with waking up groggy and heating up the dirty frying pan, flipping down the toaster, or getting that coffee machine dripping. But there’s also something sinful about eating things that have no business being in your mouth before noon:
• Cake. What’s up, last night’s birthday? We were all stuffed when the flaming sugar slab got wheeled up so most people didn’t eat much. Thank goodness someone put it back in the fridge because now it’s time to kickstart the day with a couple icing flowers. Goes great with ice cream.
• Coke. It’s deliciously sinful pouring a tall glass of the brown fizzy at 8:00am. Don’t even try to justify it, either. We understand, friend. We’ve been there too.
• Mix and Match. This is where you stare into your fridge for five minutes and realize you don’t have any good breakfast stuff kicking around. Now it’s time to grab a couple pickles, spoonful of peanut butter, and some slices of bologna before putting the backpack on and running to the bus.
• Regular breakfast food with a key ingredient missing. When we were little my sister Nina got sick and couldn’t eat dairy for a while so she subbed apple juice on her Cheerios. Sure, maybe it’s disgusting, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. If you’ve ever smeared strawberry jam on your pancakes or eaten a plate of eggs with a handful of Ritz crackers, then you know what we’re talking about.
• Breakfast Barbecue. Flip on the gas and get grilling. You can try whipping up bacon or eggs out there if you want to keep the classics, but frankly, if you’re ever gonna do dogs and wieners, now’s the time. Great for camping or cottages.
• Leftover takeout. Open up your fridge and get ready for that surprise Styrofoam wake up call. Nothing like some snow peas and cross-cut carrots soaking in an ice-cold bath of soy sauce to get the day started with a salty jolt.
Now, morning is generally time for slow movements and soft tastes. Most of us baby our tongues with oatmeal muffins, scrambled eggs, or some butter on toast. But that’s why it’s fun eating ridiculous things for breakfast once in a while. You’re drawing outside the lines, ripping up the rules, and adding adventure to your morning.
Bring on the day.
Check out The Book of Awesome
While flipping magazines at the dentist office or sitting casually at a restaurant table I’ll mindlessly start staring at the flower bouquet and start wondering if they’re real.
I always think they’re fake at first but then my eyebrows furrow and I stare in deeper looking for clues. What’s that, a torn leaf at the back? Wait a minute, is that dirt outside the vase? My eyes widen as I lean in to rub a leaf or two, touch a petal, or take a big sniff.
Sure, it’s risky going in for that inspection because if you find out it’s fake then you just got duped by a flower factory.
But that’s what makes it so sweet when Detective Petals comes up with a winner. Then you lean back satisfied and stare sweetly at the bouquet as suddenly everything’s coming up roses.
Photo from: here
Suddenly the shuffling crowds parts and you’re at the front of the line. Suddenly your boss quits and nobody else can do her job. Suddenly you’re on deck during a late inning tie game. Suddenly your sister’s finished opening her Christmas present.
Suddenly you’re next.
Photo from: here
The other day I was watching movies with my friend Shiv when our stomachs started rumbling and we decided to dial for dinner. I got up and grabbed a stack of crinkly takeout menus from the junk drawer and we flipped through all the fancy ones before settling on pizza.
Of course, before I picked up the phone we entered into one of those classic Pre-Order Topping Chats.
Most of us know from experience that those chats don’t always end well. Brother, it can get heated with the double cheese debates and stormy arguments over pineapple juice runoff. I’ve seen movie nights get divided and end with tears, broken hearts, and slamming bathroom doors. Shiv and I had both been hurt before so we entered into our chat slowly:
“So… uh, what do you like on your pizza?”
“Oh, you know, I’m pretty easy. Do you like … meat?”
“Yeah, of course. Pepperoni then? What about mushrooms?”
“I love mushrooms! Okay… pepperoni, mushrooms. Want to get one more? Um, how do you feel about pineapple?” (giant nervous smile with raised eyebrows)
“No way, you like pineapple? That’s my favorite! This is perfect, I always get pepperoni, mushrooms, and pineapple. And thin crust.”
“I love thin crust! We’re Pizza Soulmates!”
An hour later we were still wearing clown-faced grins when we popped open a steaming box of crispy-corner pepperoni, paper thin mushrooms, and juicy pineapple chunks staring back at us. We sat back and scarfed back a lot of hot slices of perfect pizza that night. And it was beautiful.
Life will twist and turn us in all directions, but let’s remember that we all deserve to be happy. Yeah, I say forget half-toppings, forget counting slices, and forget making sacrifices. If you like green olives, hot peppers, or spicy sausage, don’t leave it off.
Just keep looking for your Pizza Soulmate.
Maybe they’re out there right now looking for you.