#696 Actually pointing out a constellation other than The Big Dipper

stare up to the starsIt was pretty rare to stare up at a dark sky full of sparkly stars while growing up between streetlights and neon pizza signs.

Now if we went camping or up to a friend’s cottage, that was a different story. That’s when we could zip open our tent or lie on the dock and just gaze up at the twinkly beauty above us all. We’d just tilt our necks, drop our jaws, and wonder how big it was, how far it went, and what the tentacled, saliva-covered aliens looking back at us were thinking.

It didn’t happen too often, but every once in a while somebody would pick out a few bright stars and point out a constellation way up there. Light years away, worlds apart, and sparkling for all eternity, we heard stories about bulls, belt buckles, and the personal business of many Greek Gods.

Of course, I could only ever see one thing up there myself: The Big Dipper aka The Plough. Sometimes I thought I’d see another one only to have an older kid tell me I was looking at a plane, a blinking satellite or, occasionally, the moon.

That’s why when you actually point out a constellation in outer space you feel like a genius astro-cosmologist with a PhD in Good Eyesight. You’re no longer the dude responsible for finding marshmallow roasting sticks, grabbing bug spray from the tent, or dumping a pail of water onto the campfire before we head to bed. No, now you’re a worldly space explorer raising your eyebrows and pointing out the window as we all fly forward through the darkness.

AWESOME!

What do you seePhotos from: here

Illustration from: here

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#699 A really long hug when you really need it

A warm hug when you need itSometimes we all get rattled.

When bad news surprises you, painful memories flash back, or heavy moments turn your stomach to Jell-O, it’s great to fall into a warm and comforting pair of big, wide open arms.

Shaking with sobs, dripping with tears, you snort up your runny nose and smear snot across their shoulder as that hug relaxes you and comforts you and helps you get through everything, even for a minute, even for a moment.

Maybe there are ‘It’s going to be okay’ whispers, some gentle back-rubbing, or just the quiet silence of knowing that they’re not going to let go until you let go first. As their steady arms support you, and the pain washes over you, the hug gives you a warm glow in a shivery moment.

So when you eventually pull back, smile that classic ‘I’m sorry and thank you‘ smile, and swipe wet bangs off your forehead, you still might not feel great, but if you’re lucky you feel a little more

AWESOME!

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Illustration from: here

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#700 Making someone laugh when their mouth is really full

laughing with a full mouthFor a moment it looks like they might burst.

Lips clenched, eyebrows raised, they’re shaking their head and looking away to avoid choking or spraying burrito guts all over the table. You know you dropped a good line when their face turns red and they start frantically waving the “please stop, please stop” signal with both hands.

AWESOME!

#700

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#701 Hitting the point where you’re finally comfortable farting around each other

smells like rosesI fart, you fart, he farts, she farts.

Let’s not deny it, people. Farting is a regular, healthy, and hilarious part of life. Squeezing out big plumes of noxious gas doesn’t always smell good, but it generally feels mighty fine.

Now think back for a second to the last time you saw a tiny baby pop out a stinky heater. I’m betting after they filled the air they just stared at you with a blank expression that seemed to say “Yeah, it was me. So what?”

And maybe that’s a good thing.

Maybe when your boyfriend’s snuggling with you under the blanket and there’s a few chirps from the back of his pants, that’s good. Maybe when Grandpa leans back on his rocker and lets one rip during Sunday dinner, that’s good. Maybe when your wife nonchalantly blasts one while barbecuing on the balcony, that’s good.

And maybe it’s especially good when everyone laughs afterwards.

Let it ripBecause hey, it just means we’re comfortable being ourselves and relaxed enough to know farting is a natural and normal part of life. Nobody chooses farting as a hobby but it’s part of what makes us human. Tuba scales, silent stink bombs, machine gun blasts, whatever you’re putting out there that’s fine, that’s fine, that’s perfectly fine.

Now, we’re not advocating a world of no limits. There’s nothing wrong with keeping some personal space, either. After all, maybe you do your nose-picking in the car, shower behind a curtain at the gym, or burp quietly into a fancy cloth hankie. If so, that’s cool too.

All we’re saying is that if you get to the point where you’re comfortable farting around each other, it means you’re family, you’re friends, or you’re completely in love.

So just relax and let it out.

AWESOME!

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Photos from: here and here

Illustration from: here

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#702 Sucking your stomach just before the picture

it will see nothing!When someone whips out a camera it’s time to suck it in, baby. Eye the trigger finger and pull in when they push down. After all, maybe there’s a six pack under that stained and baggy T-shirt. I mean, we have no reason to suspect a jiggly bowl of jelly belly or anything.

There’s just no proof.

AWESOME!

 

Illustration from: here

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#703 Scoring the perfect patch of clean grass to sit on at the park

perfect patch of grassHere’s how to find that magic grass:

1. Dampness Double-Check. Nobody likes a wet bottom. Keep your backside dry by spying classic signs like slightly dipped areas that pool water or permanently shaded patches that don’t dry up. May also be worth tapping the ground to check with your hand or doing a 5-second Practice Sit, which involves sitting down and staring straight ahead while activating the cold, wet sensors in your sweatpants.

2. Sticks and stones. They may break your bones, but more importantly they’re just no fun to sit on because they’ll jab your rear and slip in your pockets. Plus, they’re a dangerous omen of protruding tree roots, prickly weeds, and grassless patches of hard dirt. Stay away.

3. Temp check. On hot days you’re looking for shady patches under tall trees, on cool days you’re scoping sunny spots by the sandbox, and sometimes you can’t decide so you search for that perfect square of half-and-half.

stay away from these guys4. Frisbee Lookout. Some parks have a lot of activities going on. Shaggy-haired dudes in hemp necklaces and bare feet toss Frisbees, dads play catch with their kids, and tiny toddlers in T-shirts and diapers run around playing Chase The Dog or Run till you Faceplant. If you’re looking to relax, you’ve got to avoid this happy chaos.

Yes, sometimes sunny Saturday afternoons are just begging for a casual walk down to your local park. Grab a coffee, throw the kids in a stroller, or walk a dog with friends. As that warm breeze blows by just close your eyes and enjoy a few quiet minutes of relaxing and soaking it all in.

AWESOME!

 

perfect patch of grassPhotos from: here, here, and here

Illustration from: here

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#704 Peeling off the price tag without any sticky shredded paper left on the thing

It is time for battleHave you ever waged a quiet, ten-minute war against a stubborn price tag?

You know how it is: Slapped on the side of a souvenir, stuck to the bottom of a vase, you spot the sticker and start peeling it off with your fingers. But then it quickly tears and you hold a sad little scrap in your hand with the remaining bit stubbornly laughing at you. So you start peeling again from the other side but it is no use. It just rips off too — leaving you stuck with a sticky square of frustration.

That’s when it’s time to roll up the sleeves.

nail polish removerThat’s when it’s time to go Domestic MacGyver on it — wheeling out big guns like the edge of a credit card, nail polish remover, Windex, or even a hair dryer. Nothing is off limits as you fight for your right to give a non-sticky boxed action figure to your nephew for his birthday.

So you rub in oils and lotions, dig your fingernails in there, and finally, huffing and puffing, smear it all off. But it takes a long time, gums up your fingers, and causes a great deal of stress.

So just smile and love it lots when that tag rolls off in one smooth peel.

AWESOME!

 

macgyverPhotos from: here, here, and here

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